Today I met the expert on all things Slovakian.

This man has been here for so long, he no longer walks the streets of Slovakia, he wades through its soul.

He's the man who told me it's ok to be anything in this country.

Are you a homosexual?

Fine, just don't talk about it and eat, man, eat, as long as you eat well, everything's fine.

Life flows through you and the purpose of being alive is living, plain, good living.

Life can be simple and quite pure in an honest country.

In an honest country life is framed on three pillars.

1.      Eating

2.      Drinking

3.      Fucking

And you work to sustain those three.

In an honest country fucking is about fucking.

Fucking is truly 'the old in and out' over here.

Imagination has no place in the bedroom.

Back to naked basics.

Anything that can be done without tools, without any sort of unnatural attributes can and will be done.

Once you get a Slovak girl to take you along, everything flows naturally.

Her hand will be a teleguided missile and your cock the target.

You don't require fancy vibrators, kinky originality, no need to wear a pig's mask, crawl around on all fours and make piggy grunts, nothing of the sort, but you will need

stamina.

Expect to perform between two, to well, seven and beyond.

Western men are not trained in this way, Slowak men are.

Will she be dissapointed if you perform only twice?

Maybe a little.

But Slovak girls are different from Western girls as well.

They haven't been taught to put blame on the men if they don't climax.

These girls know how to take pleasure, they don't wait for it to be given to them.

She looks after herself and takes what's she after from you.

This is because there was no sexual revolution around here.

There was never a decade here in which you were almost politically forced to screw around with just about everyone you met.

The summer of love was western. At the time, the east was either queuing in line to get some fucking milk or taking a defiant stance against Russian tanks.

There was a never a moment in Slovakian history where men were made to recognize, hey, wait a minute, we're animals,

we're only after sex, we need to protect women from us, hormone-crazed men-pigs.

No, sex is a part of life around here, as much as eating and drinking are parts of it.

So the good thing is, there's an ulimited supply of good, plain, natural humping.

You can do it in whichever way Adam and Eve could do it.

If you're into sm, you'll have a hard time finding a match around here.

Slowak society hasn't reached this state of sexual and emotional indigestion.

The proverbial tree of wisdom hasn't been touched yet.

Plain, hard fucking is still crazy enough around here.

People who like honesty will find this country to be paradise on earth.

There's this very practical honesty around here.

A girl behind the counter in a story who's cranky, will show that she's cranky. If she's in a good mood, she'll radiate her good mood. What you see, is what you get. There's no phony, standardized friendliness in stores around here.

You know, the way we get served in Belgium: 'here's your change, alstuuuuuuuuubliiiiiiiiiiiiieft, toooot ziiiiiiiiiens'

In Belgium store folk think they're friendly when they stretch the vowels to unbearable length.

And you know they fucking hate their job, even if they sound like magical friendly fairy from Friendliland.

But anyway, sex tourists, please don't cancel your flights to Thailand.

Before you get to the natural, plain, hard fucking, you have to go through all the rituals that open the gates to little Miss Natural's Moist Dungeon.

Thrill-seeking one-nightstanders should never, never come over here.

Unless they wanna feel like superman without his powers.

03-02-2011 om 00:00 geschreven door Tederdraads  

Dear Sjosje,

I'm probably going through the most quiet era of my entire life (childhood included)

I constantly read and re-read my literary prozac in the form of Tony Robbins' peptalk. 

I combine work at the Dutch Embassy in Bratislava and I teach at the University.

The first time I have a job that's doens't lower me to the status of a flee-infested dog.

This finally gives me the mental quiet I've been looking for since age 1.

I live in the city where the Treaty of Pressburg was signed.

There's a statue of Napoleon right in the centre of town.

The other little guy, the one with the mustache, would have his own statue here as well,

but Slowaks are a little bit too aware of foreign public opinion, so there's no marble Adolf overlooking the town centre.

The Danube river is impressive and calms down the human spirit.

It's so beautiful out there you even forget for a moment that this country

is full of Slowaks.

Maybe this will change in the future, because there is a booty drain around here.

Most Slowak women are looking for an easy-going foreigner to latch on to and get

the hell out of here. If a Slowak girl has a Slowak boyfriend, the boyfriend is only some sort

of nest egg. Something to keep in reserve, while you're on the look-out for something better.

Once in a while you do see a good looking girl around here. But then the bureaucratic tenseness

of her eyes quickly kills your appetite and makes you feel your libido took the earliest flight home.

Every time I see a statue in honour of the Slowak national uprising against fascism, I want to tear it down.

If this country has any particle of honesty it will erect statues commemorating their unique place in the history of the holocaust.

65,000 out of 70, 000 Slowak Jews got killed.

And the Slowak government fucking payed Germany to get it done.

That's as cynical as cyncial humour gets.

That's one thing I like about the movie 'Inglorious basterds'; racists should be easily recognizable by carving a Swastika in their foreheads.

Today I met a very outgoing, friendly funny Slowak.

But halfway through the conversation I found out he's Hungarian.

I want to join or erect a club that promotes gay rights.

I'll keep treating this country as a European colony as long as they don't have same sex marriages.

01-02-2011 om 20:20 geschreven door Tederdraads  

31-01-2011 om 23:41 geschreven door Tederdraads