Results:Acting the fool

GRAND RAPIDS, MI. - In the Van Andel Arena near the banks of the Grand River, Santino Marella continued to wade deeper and deeper into troubled waters. The Italian Stallion once again leveled an acerbic assessment of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s acting in the action movie The Condemned, which was recently released on DVD.

The former Intercontinental Champion even crooned a bitter tune penned especially for the former WWE Champion, to the harmony of Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab”:

“Try to make me watch The Condemned,
I say No, No, No.
It’s a sad fact,
Stone Cold can’t act.
He should Go, Go, Go.”

It’s a mystery why the obstinate Marella keeps poking his fingers inside the Texas Rattlesnake’s cage and flipping him the bird. But as anybody who’s ever possessed the poor sense to antagonize Austin knows, it’s only a matter of time before the rattlesnake draws blood.

And who could blame him for biting back? Here is a list of Marella’s greatest hits regarding the six-time WWE Champion:

“[Stone Cold Steve Austin], when it comes to your acting, the fact of the matter is, we are all condemned.”

“Don’t worry, ‘Stone Cold,’ I’m sure there is a job for you somewhere in some dinner theatre, or you can play Mr. Belding if Saved by the Bell ever does a movie. But just leave the acting to professionals.”

“If ‘Stone Cold’ has something he’d like to tell me, he can come here and tell me himself. In fact, he can tell me on the street, in the grocery store or he can come here to Raw, and he can tell me himself.”

Santino, Santino, Santino. Marella’s inflammatory words will no doubt result in a painful finale for the Italian.

In other developments on Raw:

Glamazon Era interrupted

Beth Phoenix made her Raw debut as the newly-crowned Women’s Champion after she captured the title from Candice Michelle at No Mercy. After promising to usher in the “Era of the Glamazon” at No Mercy, Phoenix’s plans to steamroll over all opponents hit a speed bump. The Glamazon teamed up with Melina and Jillian Hall to tackle Mickie James, Maria and the former Women’s Champion, Candice. Once the bell sounded, Candice proved that while she may have lost her title, she hasn’t lost her pride. As Phoenix had her powerful hands full with Mickie James outside the ring, the Candy-coated Diva pinned Hall for the victory.

In a Snit

After last week’s jealousy-fueled cheap shot by Santino Marella, Val Venis could not wait to shut the Italian’s pizza-pie hole. But rather than face Venis in the ring, Marella arranged for the former adult-film star to face off against Snitsky, a Superstar who’s been lurking around the Raw locker room for weeks, itching to get his meaty paws on an opponent, any opponent. The colossus channeled his considerable rage at the X-rated Superstar, punishing Venis for having the audacity to defend himself. The money shot came when Snitsky pump-handled slammed Venis and covered for the three-count.

Kill or be Kilt

The Highlanders are so eager for an opportunity at the World Tag Team Championships, the cousins McAllister were looking for a short cut. But Paul London & Brian Kendrick were determined to head Rory and Robbie off at the pass. The high-flyers faced off against the Highlanders in a bout to determine which team would move one step closer to a title match with reigning Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch. The Highlanders, who had mercilessly attacked London & Kendrick two weeks earlier, overpowered the smaller duo for the win.

Game Over

Triple H is no ordinary man. He’s more like a machine, fueled by pride, determination and gallons of rebellion. But even a machine has limits. After competing in three WWE Championship matches the night before at No Mercy—beating Randy Orton and Umaga before falling victim to Orton in the third and final bout—The Game was forced to face off against both Umaga and Orton in a Handicap Match. Arranged by a vengeful Mr. McMahon, the combined forces of a Legend Killer and a Samoan Bulldozer proved too much for the Game and his injured ribs to overcome. Even after Orton left the ring, Umaga stayed behind to further punish a beaten down Triple H. The Samoan Bulldozer’s relentless attack ensured that bad blood will continue to flow between he and the Game.

Hardy Takes Off

Two of the brightest Superstars in all of WWE faced off when Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy and Mr. Kennedy battled in a non-title match. Hardy managed to eke out a victory over Kennedy during a brief moment of overconfidence by the Green Bay, Wis. native in a physical, hotly-contested war. Perhaps the “Rainbow-haired Warrior” moved himself up the ladder of contention for the WWE Championship.