I'm the girl who's always too late. But that's going to change. This year I was already two times too late. Last year was more than ten or something. I was already expelled for one day. Okay this year it were two days but it wasn't even my fault or anything. I just overslept for one time. Sometimes I think my school sucks. Now I know that it isn't just a thought. It's the truth. Just like me and him.

I was bare and reeling. I showed myself in the most true way. Then his brother came in and made me feel a little bit more insecure. Making me feel unreal. Just naked. After that I felt awesome. Just laying with my boyfriend. Still bare but better. He made me feel like I was better than any other girl. Okay I'm his first but still. He's my first too but in a different way. He's the first one that doesn't hurt me after a month or more. He's the first that makes any other boy unattractive. But not my idol of course. In fact he's one of 'em. If he was a band member, I would be his biggest fan. Just like I am right now.

With him I even forget some things about my ex. Even the most important stuff. The reason behind the love and so on. Couldn't explain it back then but now I can. He was a total loser. Maybe I felt bad for him. After all that time, I fell in love with him. I've hated myself for that but it's not my fault. My heart's still repairing from the damage of that previous mistake.

I don't wanna fall in love with the wrong one again. So I chose my mind to be my guide. My heart will follow it along with my mind. In the end my heart will not feel damaged at all. Just like right now. The wounds are stitched. He was the needle and the love he gave me was the string. It was all I needed. It's just more much more to me.I really love this guy. I never experienced any kind of love like this before.

I guess my heart wins at the end but my mind took a huge role too. I think it's good to listen to your mind for some time. If it bumps up at that time it's probably for a reason. Listen to it and don't deny it. I never knew that I would be with another. I always thought that he was the right. But he's not. I shouldn't have to fight for a spot. But I did. That was so messed up. My heart was messed up. He was always playing with it. Are we lovers or are we just sinners? He didn't know it back then and now his heart is messed up. His soul is feeling strange without mine. We were always together. Back then the time was there. It said that I will find my one and only. The one who won't hurt me. That was actually a dream of three or four years ago. It came true. Now I'm in love with my dream guy. That's so insane but I love this relationships insanity. I love him forever.

Right here, right now we are probably thinking the same thing. Just like we always do. I love that we're thinking the same stuff at the same time. It's like I've finally met my soulmate. But he's better. I don't have to call him my soulmate 'cause he's my boyfriend. I just hope it'll stay that way forever. I hope it will never fade away just like the lights at night.

So many questions in my head but he's worth having me and I think I'm worth having him. After all I've been trough. This is what I've always wanted. And now it's not just there, it's right here. Got a problem? He'll be there and if he has one, I'll be there for him too. I'll always be there for him. 'Cause I love him. I'll always will. My feelings are much deeper than ever before. I hope he'll hold me close to his body and that he'll never let go.

"The new" was weird in the beginning but now the only thing I feel about it, is excitement. All the stuff I like about boys is what I have right now. I'm not letting him go. 'Cause this is perfection. Our love is pure and undefined. Just like an undefined flying object. Flying above the sky but nobody knows what it seems like. I've never felt this way before. The only feeling that I've experienced the most was pain. Pain everywhere. In my life and every relationship. But not this one. This isn't a fantasy. This is the real thing. Someone loves me for who I am and that's a feeling I will cherish for a lifetime. Hopefully a life with him in it. 'Cause otherwise it'll be just a waste. A waste of having these true feelings for one time. I'm so in love with him.