You did know what you were doing when you said I sexually assaulted you. You knew it would break me fully. I'm the person who gets raped every time she dates someone. If it wasn't rape, I sexually assaulted you. If it wasn't that well I won't have a 'normal' relationship. My traumas always have some kind of influence. I'm so done. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm asking for it. When will it end?

All these bad thoughts I'm having is making me insane. I don't see the beauty of life anymore. I'm trying to find the enjoyment back but it's so hard. I need to trust in love and life in general again. It's hard though with these demons he gave me. I'm not good enough. I'm gonna get hurt again. I'm gonna get raped again. What does it matter anymore. I've been through it all. Therapy, bad thoughts, getting raped over and over again. I'm so done with it all. When will it end?

I know when it will end. It will end when I finally get over all of this. When I finally know that it's not me but them. When I finally meet someone who's worth my time and won't hurt me. Right now I don't even trust people at all. I don't even trust myself with these demons surrounding me. It will end eventually. I have to learn to live with that but it will end eventually.