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It hurts so much. It hurts to let you go. It hurts now that she went to heaven. Her fight came with an end. But I didn't want her to go so soon. Though it was clear she had to go. It was the best for her. No more physical pain and no more feeling bad about anything you could do once. I know that I'm not your daughter but I would've been your daughter-in-law. I'd love to be that. Though you'll see it from the sky. I'll always be your daughter-in-law like you'll always be my second mom.
Days go by and seconds go on but I don't care because you aren't here. Maybe you are but I don't know. Last week we've lost an angel in disguise. A true angel on the inside. Well if you knew her, you could tell. Tell her everything you want. 'Cause she'd be there for you no matter what. I wanted to say something but didn't know how. I really really love your son. Stuff happened between us but he will always have that special place in my heart. He might never be mine again but I'll always care about him. I'll always love him no matter what. The heart wants what it wants I guess. I want to be there for him now. I want to hold him and hug him untill he's sleeping. I want him to know what I'm feeling for him even though that destroys a lot. He's the one who truly understands me and my autism but doesn't get mad. Or even destroys me. I feel great when I'm with him. It's like the world dissapears.
I wanted to tell you this for quite some time now. You've got two sons who'll make you proud. Because you deserve that and I believe in them. They'll do great stuff in the future. If you were here, we would bet on it. I miss you. I will never get why heaven wanted this angel back. You were a great angel here on earth. But now you are a guide for your boys. In good and in bad times. I remember I called you when my cat died of cancer, you knew I was depressed. You knew and you helped me. Even though we weren't together anymore. You were awesome. You were one of a kind. You were a true angel in disguise.
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