But I'm not. I've busted myself yesterday - AGAIN. It always happens without me even noticing. It's always after I spoke the words that I actual feel like a liar. Yet I don't know how to say I'm not okay. It always happens so fast. You say hello to the ones you met and when they ask how I'm doing I answer with a great big smile on my face: 'I'm fine, thank you!'. It happens every single time.
Even when I had my appointment at the physiotherapist. I thought to maybe talk to him about the nightmares and anxiety and so on. So I came in, he asked 'How are you?' and there my face with the smile popped up and said 'I'm fine, thank you!'. I was so mad at myself. Because sometimes I don't feel okay at all. I just wish I could find a way to express that. To make it visible for others.
Because I'm fine, but I'm not.
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