Stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have that shit. I always hoped to be able to say; 'I have had that, but it's gone now.' It comes in waves. It's been a very long way from where I come. I couldn't sleep at night because of nightmares, during the day I had flashbacks, I freaked out if someone touched my arm or shoulder, I only wore baggy clothes to be not sexy at all, I've been biting myself till I had giant bruises, I even wanted to end my life. That quite a sum up.
But after all, I'm happy with all the progress I've made in between! I sleep at night, am okay with touches, trust others again, dress up like a lady and do sexy things like burlesque. So you know, that made me feel like I had everything in control. It made me feel so powerfull because I had the feeling that I had conquered the PTSD.
Yet, today, I'm wide awake in bed. Afraid to close my eyes and fall asleep. I had to go to the gynaecologist earlier this week. I never knew this would be SUCH a trigger for me. I came back crying and lost from the hospital. Ever since, the PTSD is controlling me instead of the other way around. I cry for nothing, I'm terrified all the time, I've had so horrible nightmares and flashbacks last nights that right now, I don't even dare to close my eyes anymore because I'm afraid for what will come.
It's over, but still not gone.
Reacties op bericht (0)
Write me
Hit below if you want to write me! I would love to read it!
Mailinglist
You don't want to miss anything new? Awesome! Fill in your emailadress and you'll get an email everytime there's something new to read!
