I had a fabulous summer! I'm serious. The best ever I guess. Though it was also quite emotional in every kind of way you could imagine. Here's the thing: for the first time EVER I went on a holiday, all by myself. It took me a lot of courage to finally book my ticket, to pack my bag, to get onto the train and even more, to get out of it when it eventually arrived in London. I felt so little, but also brave, because I did this and I did it all by myself.
Beeing in London was amazing, I can not even describe in words how fantastic it was! Despite what I thought I haven't felt a moment alone. Uncomfortable? Yes! But I figured it all out. I went to flying trapeze classes organised by Gorilla Circus in Regent's Park. I flew! I had the time of my life. And yet I can still say it over and over again and keep on writing pages about how great everything was, coming back to Belgium was something different.
When I arrived in Brussels I saw that the men were not wearing nice suits but jeans instead. Oh man, how I adore men in suits... Back home I had to start doing the laundry, cleaning, ... No more 'breathing time'. I just had to rush from one thing to another and I only felt (and still feel) miserable. After a few days going on like that I decided I would not be able to keep up with that without loosing myself completely. But, but, but. I have no idea where to start nor what to do. I don't even know anymore what I want in life? Maybe even who I am? It's confusing.
After bursting out into tears on every possible moment I let go by now. Sometimes it's okay to be not okay. I'm planning a new trip to London to soothe my heart. I have awesome photoshoot-projects coming up, I ordered pictures from my Princess photoshoot erlier this summer, I'm no longer waiting on the barman to text me to go out and have dinner, I'm planning my first real burlesque class, ... And between all of that the only thing I HAVE TO DO is breathing. One breath, than another. Everything else will follow on it's time. Because this is not the end of me. :')
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