You've got one thing right: they, or you, live in a castle and look down on the peasants, and the castle door stays mostly closed. The castle door is always closed to some people, but in reality if you're lucky the castle door is always open to you. But people who are struggling with I-want-this and I-need-this and people who yapyapyap always avoid stepping in the pool with peasants. How is a relationship controlled by a peasant who can pull away? How can he pull away when he can't get in? No matter from what point of view you're looking at it, you always end up closing your door, staying in your castle, leaving the person who inherited the misery, saying the person who inherited the misery is in control, because the person who avoids the situation is in control, as if he had the "power" to avoid a relationship in which he had no saying from the beginning anyway. He never had a choice, he was just an outcast.