If you need to fight a war during a very long time, not only you have to study the details of your enemy, but you must study the details of the problems that occur in the war (the spiritual war) from the point of view of a doctor, from the point of view of finding solutions to the problems in the therapeutic sense, and if the war is very long and very intense, in the long run there's a huge amount of details, and there's also a huge amount of details that are very alike, and if you look at all these details together it can cause nervousness and anxiety, and it's actually also really ugly. When I was a little kid, I was sleeping one night and had a dream, and I didn't quite understand why the dream wasn't good, because it didn't seem like a nightmare, but I saw an image of a huge amount of very little things that looked alike and I thought it was so ugly that it made me very anxious, and I couldn't unsee it. Of course it goes away, but every once in a while it came back, and the anxiety also came back every time I remembered the image that I saw that night, until the day that I understood the root of the problem, which is the simple fact that when too much people don't understand that I have to deal with too much problems for an extended period, without being understanding or empathic, it becomes too much, and then a vision of a lot of very small things that look the same makes me anxious, and it looks so ugly that it disgusts me, even though there's no apparent reason for this image to be that ugly or to cause anxiety. The image of all the small things causes anxiety because (unconscious) I link it up with all the small things that I have to gather and learn to discern.