The idea that I don’t agree on, is that what I do shows what I’m thinking. I’m just going to ask 4 questions, and then we’re basically going to connect these 4 variables to the tips of a big capital X. And we’re not going to associate, but to summarize this particular disorder I will be talking about in this text (it’s a disorder of thoughts, a chaos so to speak), I will explain how we can imagine this amount of disorder, this amount of chaos, a chaos no human mind can possibly disentangle. And then we’ll start off with this picture in our minds. And I do this simply by asking 4 questions, these are 4 variables, and connect these variables to the tips of a big capital X. These are the 4 questions:

1. Where is the upper value of what I do?
2. Where is the lower value of what I do?
3. Where is the upper value of what I’m thinking?
4. Where is the lower value of what I’m thinking?

Now that we have connected these 4 questions to the tips of a capital X, the questions that are next, the questions about these questions, will make this disorder of thoughts clear, in the sense that they will allow us to clearly picture this disorder of thoughts.

1. How’s what I do and what I think related?
2. We start from the assumption that all values are located in between the most upper value and the most lower value. The question is: How are all values in between the most upper value and the most lower value related to each other, and to the questions on the opposite tips of the X.
3. The same questions apply to other people.
4. The same questions apply to God.
5. The same questions apply to every living creature and spirit in the whole universe.

If you see where I’m going... it’s simple. If we violate the normal associations within, and around the big X, we obtain a disrupted universe. It’s a principle, it’s a logic, it’s a core: What I do is what I think, and what I think is what I do, simplified but well said. The same applies to any human or any living creature in the world for that matter. Do what you think, and think what you do, two things that should never be dissociated. What happens when we create chaos in the core of the principle, in the core of the logic, in the core of everything that should remain associated, anywhere in the world, at all times? It causes a disorder at a large scale, with such a huge amount of chaos that no human mind on earth could possibly disentangle it. The next question, and last one, and then we’ll start off, is this one: What if they expected you to disentangle this disorder by force? It would drive you nuts, right? That’s what they expected from me, and it drove me nuts indeed. Yes, I was a slave, slaves don't choose not to do things, slaves do what they're told to do.

When they completely shred the normal, logical, relational harmony in between those simple facts of doing something and thinking something to 10000 pieces, to the point that everything every creature and spirit in the universe thinks is the absolute opposite of what they do, and vice versa, in every possible and imaginable way, that’s disorder, that's chaos. This happened in my life, and for lack of a better definition, we can call it a freakshow theatre, a freakshow theatre where everybody’s faking everything they do, and hiding everything they do. It’s like a theatre, except that the world is supposed to be real, not a play. But this is a play with clowns, but clowns are supposed to make you laugh, but these clowns don’t make you laugh, they make you cry. It’s like a joke, like turning the world into a joke, but this is not a ha-ha-joke. We have to be serious, being serious is important, but these people turn everything into a joke, except that you would expect people like this to not take themselves too seriously, and therein lies the problem: they think they are more interesting and should be taken more seriously than people that actually want to be serious.

When we do things that we don’t think, that’s when it gets dangerous. I can’t kill a spirit, but I can try to kill a body. But they can kill my spirit and my soul, even if that’s a relative observation, they could have when I was on the other side of the river. If you don’t want to know, skip it, you be the judge, but this is where it gets dangerous. If they kill my soul and my spirit they get away with it, even though God says losing your spirit and your soul is a big deal and a far greater loss than losing your body. But if I kill a body I lose my soul and spirit, even though God says losing your body is a much lesser loss. That’s the point where I think: Okay, I’m going to cross this river I need to cross at all costs. If it’s worth the wait, I’ll wait, it doesn’t matter if it’s one day or 10000 years, but if I need to cross the river today, I’m going to do it today. I just pray that nobody will interpose himself and say something like: “None shall pass!” because it might be the last day of his life, and that’s not my goal.

How can I cross the river? God says: Assassins, what do they become? I’d say they suffer the greatest loss, they lose their spirit and soul. Yes, but either way I have to get on the other side of the river, because if I stay on this side, I lose my spirit and my soul. There’s just one obstacle that keeps me on this side: There’s a guy interposing himself in front of me, willing to do anything to keep me on this side. He says: “Over my dead body!” How can I cross the river? Solve the puzzle! Guess I’ll have to stay in hell then. I just wanted to clarify the very first sentence of this text: The idea that I don’t agree on, is that what I do shows what I’m thinking. Let us remind ourselves of the core of the problem: violating the normal association in between what we think and what we do at a large scale, and the consequence: complete chaos, a freakshow theatre. Yes, which means it would be illogical to assume that there’s a possibility of a successful outcome in case of such a violation. We’ll see.

I agree on my intention to approach the light of Christ, and do all the good things, and to achieve this goal I need to cross this river, and the fact that there’s always a person interposing himself and saying: “None shall pass!” is something that’s always there when people want to get closer to God. There’s always deceit, and secret service-type and mafia-type things, and a Judas, and a Herod. If you want to become a good person, they will try to stop you, and no one will believe you when you say this, and on top of the fact that you’re the crazy fool, you won’t even be heard by the judge, you’re not even in the capacity of explaining your situation to your lawyer (at first). Not only will you be targeted to mess with your brain, but also your memory. Put your memory in a prayer and send it to God, and your prayer will come back, and so will your memory. Never forget this: No one will be able to make it, no one will cross the river, no one will neither save their soul, nor their spirit, unless they do God’s will and get on their knees for the Lord Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth.

This is where I’m at now, and also where you’re at: You see me as the filthy identity on the other side of the river, and you can’t love the person you assaulted. Where does it say in the text that I was assaulted? Well, besides saying something about confusion or something like that, somewhere in the back, nowhere, because you skip empathy towards me like a psychopath. But your intention is manipulation. If I, after having crossed the river decades ago, still am the assassin, the filthy identity, the crazy fool that no one believes, it also means that all of you are still on the side of the river that I left decades ago, it means that all of you are still living in the freakshow theatre where everybody is faking everything they do, where the judges defend the dangerous idea that we should do things that we don’t think, where everybody’s hiding everything they do. It means that all of you choose to keep defending your initial plan, which is the easiest: everybody agrees on staying on your side of the river. It means that you choose to keep protecting your initial dishonesty which is rooted in being submissive to a world that takes pleasure in treating me like garbage. It means that your only key is maliciousness, and your maliciousness is the key that represents your success. But your spirit and your soul will cease to live if you don’t submit to the Lord Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth. Nevertheless, you still choose to ignore it, and cling to accusing me for I’m the crazy fool, and neglecting me for I’m the filthy identity, and cling to avoiding to face the fact that you’re constantly blaming the victim, thinking his weakness and flaws are due to his identity, and failing to see his situation, refusing to start a communication with him to be informed about reality. You choose to disrupt all your intentions in a dissociative way, because no one has got access to what you truly intend to do if you cling to doing what you need to do in order to take pleasure out of the only things that you’ve ever learned taking pleasure out of. And of course, by the same occasion, hide, stay invisible. You don’t see no harm in punishing and harming me, the only person that opened his eyes, the only person on the other side of the river, and the only person that has the capacity to set the hostages free, for many are held hostage in the theatre, in the play, in the joke, on your side of the river.