God is so smart. God said: "If you need anything, anything at all, just knock on the door and someone will open the door. " It's in the Bible. You know why He wrote it in the Bible, besides the fact that if you need charity, you don't have any other choice but to knock on someone's door? Because He's smart. He created a world with no doors, no doors at all, and then He wrote in the Bible the thing I just said. That is smart. Very smart. Is this a joke? I don't know any hospitable door. I only know hostile doors. I can't think of a word that's worse than door right now, except the symbol of my downfall, but that's more than one word. The word door never meant anything good to me. I know why I can go ahead and knock on every door until all my teeth fall out. Because Radu Radu bars the way. Radu Radu will bar the way as long as I don't drop the charges against her, and I have no intention to do so, unless I have a good reason to. You can't understand all the things I wrote about Radu Radu? You can't understand the depths of the maliciousness of Radu Radu? Try it! Then you'll also understand I have every reason not to submit, and not to drop the charges. I think people are still confusing Radu Radu with the Virgin Mary. She just gets everybody tangled up. Sometimes I hear people say: "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." Right. But think it through. Think a little longer. Sometimes you don't get to choose your friends, because your family already did, and sometimes your family even decides whether you get friends or not." It would be preferable if no one decided such an awful thing. If it was impossible, that would be very convenient. But it's true, sad, and awful. It's a family/clan/mafia thing. Like West Side Story. To me this movie is just plain boring until the last scene begins. It's dark outside, Maria's lover is stabbed and bleeding and lying on the street, and there's a clan standing around him in a circle, silently. I believe his name is Tony. And Maria is on her knees beside him, and then she says: "You killed him because of hate. Now I have hate!" That's perfect. It makes my evening perfect. Because I'm also alone, like Maria, and I also have hate. My question towards women is: do you intend to soften my heart, or do you just intend to ship me off, like everybody else? You know what I'm going to do? Since the end is nearby, I will put on some music, I will play Nine Million Bicycles. Maybe Katie Melua will soften my heart. "There are nine million bicycles in Beijing, that's a fact, it's a thing we can't deny, like the fact that I will love you till I die." Yeah that ain't working. No woman can soften my heart all the way from Beijing. Come closer. Come closer. I was born dead. I was born, and I was dead and forgotten. I will be buried, and I will still be dead and forgotten. I was dead and forgotten from the beginning and forever. I didn't share my joy, but I shared my shit. I like my shit. At least I shared something. Maybe you are under the delusion that dead people spread the joy all around or something. They don't spread the joy all around. They need more joy than anyone else. Happiness is just one of the million things that they need and don't get. But you, you're happy. Your happiness is very useful and it doesn't matter that you're too proud to share it with a dead man. That's the meaning of life. But it's not useful to me. My shit and my hate are all I've got, and that's useless. I know what it means. The hate refers to sinners, and the shit refers to failures. Failures ought to live in outer darkness, and sinners don't deserve to be loved.