I wish to express my appreciation for those of you who take the time to read my story. Anyone wishing to become involved, to get to know me better or help me through this injustice: I'm looking forward to hearing from you via daryl.wheatfall@hotmail.com or Polunsky #999020/Mr.Daryl Wheatfall/3872 FM 350 South/Livingston TX 77351/USA.
21-03-2013
Help me if you can
To be honest, I'm tired. I'm trying so hard to do what I can from this cage to help myself, trying to address so many matters - at times, I feel like I'm losing my mind. It does feel hopeless, not because my situation is hopeless, it's not, we just don't have the resources needed to help me...this is what my situation comes down to. After all these years things should have gotten better, why haven't more people gotten involved? I'm sitting on death row until I get sick of living & kill myself or maybe hurt someone or someone hurts me, which is what the officials would like to happen. I continue to ask myself how I have been able to hold onto my sanity this long. I'm just waking up & moving through the day, praying that my time will come so I continue to moveforward.
There are days when I don't feel like moving forward, too emotionally tired, depressed & psychologically exhausted dealing with my living & legal situation, just not sure things will get better. I really need an investigator to gather the information which supports how my trial attorney was ineffective! Have I shared the visit I had with my brothers & sister? They came to see me Feb.2, which is the same day my cage was searched! I was able to get out of this cage & take my mind off the mess I had to re-organize once I returned . Over the years I've learned to live in the moment. They always asked questions about my situation, which I explained, but I know once they're outside beyond these walls, everything I've explained to them is quickly forgotten...and they'll ask the same question the next time I see them. They're not able to help me, I don't take it personally, they could do a much better job providing moral support. I've learned to accept things as they come concerning my family. Do you recall, when I told you about the guards waking up prisoners at 2 a.m. ordering us to get out of bed & come to the door? They're now doing their roster count at 10:40. What made them change? I can only assume many complaints from prisoners. Anyway, we have now been made to shower inside a shower that only has cold water. many of us have complained. That's the only thing that's happening - we complain and the ranking officers say "I'll take a look, we'll get someone on it", but nothing changes. It has got worse since this new major took over. So much attention is focused on teaching prisoners who run the show, they forget all about teaching the guards! They're supposed to do their jobs as well, which they're not doing. It's becoming very difficult, just to get a shower that only puts out cold water, however, once I'm placed in the shower, it takes 45 minutes to an hour before I'm taken out, sometimes longer than this. Yes, this upsets me. All I can think about this: what have I done to deserve this madness? If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm a very happy person, ain't I?
Some kind of bug has been causing prisoners all around me to get sick. I was aware of this bug going around long before it hit me. Once it did, I had what I needed to fight it off so it didn''t affect me that bad. This unit went on 'lockdown' Jan.28. We're not eating out of brown paper bags this time because population prisoners isn't lockdown, this is why we're receiving hot meals. A sergeant entered the section I'm housed on to explain what was going to take place during the search on jan.31. He wanted everyone ready to be pulled out & all our property packed up. Everyone knew this because we were informed the night before to have our property packed & ready, anyway, everyone was expecting to be pulled out & our property searched. When the sergeant returned he informed the section that no one would be searched because they were going to do another pod...this is B.S.! All my stuff was packed up & ready, so I had to sit around waiting on these people, a whole day had been thrown away! Do you want to know why they ran to search another pod? Because the pod they went to search only had 67 prisoners housed on it, the pod I'm housed on has 81 prisoners... It's easier for them to end the last day of their work doing the 67, sorry ass people. When it was over, I returned to find my property looking as if it had been thrown all over this cage! It took me 2 days to organize everything. They went through all of my legal work, I could tell they had been reading it by the way it had been placed. They aren't supposed to do this, but if I'm in a shower on another section, there's nothing I can do about it or prove that they were doing it. After dealing with this, I jumped into bed once I had this cage clean & in order. It was about 1:25 a.m. when I closed my eyes. At 2:18 a.m. I was awakened by guards telling me to get out of my bed & come to the door for roster count - I have to get up & come to the door so this man can see me. Can you believe this? These people are going out of their way to create situattions so they have something to do. This is the kind of stuff citizens can't understand, many will only identify that a rule is a rule. Does anyone see the harassment these people are going out of their way to create a problem? This rule deliberately disrupted my sleep. What kind of mood do you think I was in having someone disturb my sleep at 2:18 a.m.? Thankfully I wasn't asleep that long so I was able to control my attitude. These people are running around stating they're just doing their jobs but when it's time to place me in the shower, they do all they can to come up with an excuse not to, the same goes for my rec...anything that denies me is strongly enforced, this isn't work to them.
A lot of things are changing behind these walls, for worse. Officers do whatever they want, ranking officers don't try to be fair when addressing problems, it's always the same - officers are always right! It has got so bad now, guards use the rules as an excuse on why they haven't done their work. On some days, I can't get a shower or my rec nor a good shave because the guards haven't done what they're supposed to do. Now, all the lights are turned on at 2:18 a.m. as guards are about to do a head count! It doesn't matter that we, prisoners, are being woken up out of our sleep. All of this began Jan.25. These people still haven't sold anyone any toothpaste nor deodorant in months. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'll be out soon, then I'll be forced to use toothpowder, which is something I don't want to do. I see this as just something else to worry me. Some guard let an inmate out of the shower while officers were on the runway, I was told. This inmate assaulted a guard. How bad? I don't know if the guard was hurt at all. Nevertheless, prison officials use this as an excuse not to shower the whole building the following day! They say something was wrong with the shower - or this is how the inmate got out. They only say this to protect the guard who let the inmate out. It happens all the time: guards push the wrong button by mistake, no matter, this is how things get covered up. Prison officials are always using human errors to take advantage of the state officials saying their officers aren't safe. This will cause the state to pay out more money adding more guards...who aren't doing a damn thing! It's getting difficult to keep up with this nonsense being forced upon us, prisoners. The guards now know ranking officials will support anything they tell them, wrong or made up, so most of the guards now aren't trying to do their jobs, the only thing they have to do is shower, rec & feed. They're using security checks, count time, escort mailroom, nurse & restroom runs to disrupt everything they have to do, meaning this is their excuse on why they can't do showers or weren't able to feed or get out recs. The only time I'm allowed to shave is in the shower but when I'm not taken to the shower I'm unable to shave! This is what happened to me yesterday: a sergeant told me I had to shave, he wasn't concerned with the reason why I hadn't shaved. Madness is the only thing to describe this!
I'm still settling in, trying to restore things the way they used to be. I have to deal with many new changes all around me - as well as what I'm going through inside. This lawyer situation has me disturbed, he's not fighting to free me & I don't know what I'm going to do, as if I didn't have enough to worry about. My birthday was on December 20 - I'm 47 now & I continue to move forward, continuing to deal with the psychological affect of stepping farther into the future - it seems like yesterday we were wishing we could do what other big kids could do, now we're wishing for those days again...
The section I'm being housed on now is OK, everyone seems to get along with one another, this is a good thing. I hate trying to dig myself out of a deep hole, it seems like I'm never going to do it. I haven't thought about my book in a while, it's always there calling my name. I know I should devote more time working on it, but there are too many distractions. If I'm not having to deal with lockdown, shakedown or just some stupid guard or some confusion with my mail or my body is experiencing some kind of pain, it's always something. I need people in my life to understand my situation, help make things as easy as possible. Being confined has sort of robbed me of my manners & people skills. This is because I'm around people who lie to me, out to hurt me to make my life a living hell. There are a lot of people who don't care anything about what happens to me, so after 22 years I'm not using my people skills with these people. I need help. Who wants to help me?
On November 21 I was moved. I packed all my property, it took a while to organize, clean the walls, floor & toilet for the next prisoner to move in. This is what all prisoners should do respecting what they would want, when oving into another cage, but this isn't always this way. Afterwards, I waited on the guards to come move me, 90 days felt like 3 weeks once it's over but, while doing it, it felt like forever. Waiting on the guards to come move me felt like this now, with everything packed & ready, made the move quick & easy. I was pleased the cage wasn't filthy yet I thoroughly cleaned everything anyway before unpacking my property. With my stuff organized it didn't take me long to put everything in its place. Many of the guys housed around me I know, one was the guy who tried to kill me in 1995. Luckily he doesn't live on the section I'm housed on but one section over. No need to worry, I'll keep you updated! There are a lot of distractions in my new environment, I'm still trying to establish a mental order as well as put all my priorities in their place. On this end everyone gets 2 hours of rec, guys that know me come to the dayroom seeking to talk to me, asking a lot of questions, like how long I stayed, what I went for, how I took all that gas, if I was there to stay or go back, etc. It won't take me long to establish order & focus on my affairs, I realize I'm so far behind on matters that should have been addressed weeks ago... Thanksgiving came & went, I realize there's so much for me to be thankful for & I truly am. But inside my spirit affects my rational sense, my attitude & my focus at times like this because I'm not surrounded by loving friends & family, this is so discouraging & empty. When I think about it, these people took my ability to commmunicate with the outside world, I couldn't reach out & no one was there seeking to know if I was alright. Sometimes difficult times provide understanding, hard times change how I view life itself. What do I mean by this? Here, now, I'm so alone as I deal with all that I face. I need to be able to feel a part of something, I want to be understood. My attorney was just in the newspaper. He failed to raise positive issues that would save his client's life, the inmate was killed by the State of Texas a few weeks ago. This is the same lawyer who has not put in my innocence claim, he keeps telling me "I'll do that later". I'm a dead man without legal assistance! I need a private investigator to discover witnesses to gather the evidence that supports what I'm saying. My case centers around legal errors because there's no physical evidence involved, meaning there's nothing that can involve me with the crime. Due process means an established course for judicial proceeding designed to safeguard the legal rights of an individual - I have to prove my legal rights were denied during my trial. Several procedural violations were committed, this is why the prosecutor hasn't addressed my appeal, haven't you wondered why this is? What is it that is preventing her from doing so? Why after all of these years does the prosecutor want to offer a life sentence to me now if I'm supposed to be guilty? It's bad that I have a lawyer not doing anything, it's worse: I'm still fighting to convince people after all of these years...
What has F-pod been like for me? Can't really describe this dehumanising, helpless feeling waking up on F-pod with no radio to occupy my thoughts, not sure what's going on in the outside world. All day, all I see are walls, fences & bars. This dead atmosphere has become my tormentor, my tomb - my psychological burial. Some consider this pod to be a pit for the walking dead, it's where I was dragged off to August 21, 2012 by a 5-man team coverein pepper gas protesting an injustice - souls walking these corridors now become my neighbors. No one asks "What have you done?", it's "What have they done to you this time?". Victims themselves, many are aware how guards & ranking officials ignore the facts of a situation to create an unjust situation, in some cases, simply because they feel like it, in a rush to leave or not in a hurry to do their jobs, because they hate their job & prisoners - I can't explain why, only what they do. Recently Hank Skiner almost was a victim to this madness on October 25. He was denied his shower by guards working the morning shift, he discovered this until the night shift guards passed him up during shower time, not wanting to argue over his shower. "Just take my ID. I'll return the razor once I'm finished shaving." Hank stated the guards refused to give him a razor - death row prisoners are not allowed to have razors, only inside the shower. The following day Hank would be threatened to have his rec taken away because he hadn't shaved & given a case for refusing to groom. Luckily for Hank, a thoughtful person provided him with what he needed. For the guards it's easy, standing around doing nothing watching their sergeant speaking with an upset prisoner who didn't receive his rec, shower or lunch tray - lies will be told suppering the guards or the sergeant will come up with some new rule to justify the guard action. In my case, it was a dinner tray: the main course covered with food spilled by the guard rushing to leave, then refusing to give me another tray after I had told him "The food you spilled over the main course I don't eat". I've witnessed guards not feel prisoners simply because they don't like the prisoner. Since I've been housed on F-pod, I've seen prisoners not receive their showers due to the guards being lazy, not wanting to do their jobs. It's like an unseen battle going on between two shifts, the morning shift try to leave the night shift as many recs & showers as possible, night shift take their time passing out dinner trays, recs & showers - a guard at my door 10:30/11 o'clock waking me up to give me my mail or I'm going to the shower at 10:00 at night. This is their routine...at times.
Conditions: are worse. Inside these cages paint is coming off the wall, in some cages the ventilation system doesn't work or is blowing very weak. The ventilation system inside the shower on 12-FF section doesn't work at all, one of the reasons why it smells. Left-over food is being passed out often. Normally the lunch left-overs are mixed with what's served during dinner hour. No one is allowed to have any personal clothing while housed on F-pod, while inside the dayroom or outside yard, prisoners must wear our jumpsuit since we're not allowed to have T-shirts. The problem with this: the jumpsuit gets sewaty while working out, a very small bar of soap is passed out once a week, jumpsuits are passed out every other day in the morning - we're made to wear the same sweaty jumpsuit after returning from rec...the soap passed out is just enough to wash my body for the week. Black mold grows on the shower walls on 12-FF section. The smell? It's like a dead animal has been inside the shower for over a month. What makes this worse: prison officials refuse to fix the fan system that circulates the air inside the shower. I recently came down with a cold. I believe it come from the shower. Just the other day someone mentioned the same thing - it's not healthy showering inside unclean showers.
Torture: On September 26, 2012 I witnessed Robert Woodard be gassed in an unprofessional, unjust way. I believe Mr.Woodard created the situation as he refused to come out of the dayroom when asked - however, this does not justify the abuse forced upon him. Woodard was ordered to remove his clothes, once he complied with these orders, he was told to run his hands through his hair - Woodard doesn't have any hair...He was covered with pepper gas because he failed to run his hand through his hair! Totall insane, when this man doesn't have any hair on his head! Clifton William would be the next prisoner to experience this madness. Each prisoner created the situation but both have mental disorders. I believe prison officials should have addressed the situation differently. Clifton was ordered to remove something from his window, he refused. Prison officials assembled a team of men around his cage door, orders were given to remove his clothes - again once the prisoner was naked he was covered with pepper gas. He would be handcuffed, removed from his cage, everything taken, then placed back into the same unclean contaminated cage to suffer from the effect of the gas - torture is alive & functioning behind these walls!
I only have a few more weeks to endure but the way the rules are being enforced, I'm not sure of anything. I'll let you know in a few weeks...
Really, I'm having a ball on this end. My mind is focused on all the wonderful things taking place. On Sept. 21, lockdown ended. For 11 joyful days all death row prisoners were confined inside their cages. Why should anyone complain? The food is so delicious. No salt nor pepper is being placed on it - imagine the taste & flavor of it! Dirt with salt & pepper tastes better - this is what my neighbor just said the other day. Really, it's killing me just thinking about my next meal... I ran out of stamps a few days ago, found this depressing because everyone was informed commissary cards will be picked up ight, I've 3 more days before commissary restriction - now I'll be made to go 44 days without being allowed to go to commissary instead of 30! This is just flooding me with joy. As you can see, lockdown has placed me in the most pleasant mood anyone could ever think of. I'm always asked to be many things while under so much. Emotionally this life inside this place injects so much (misery, anger, frustration & pain) into my mind. It all begins once I open my eyes...sometimes it's with me all through the night. I pay attention to everything, finding the best way to deal with the injections my mind is made to deal with, matters are addressed or ignored. I'd to teach myself, correct myself, advise myself - sometimes talk to myself, because there isn't anyone around for me to talk to. Here's what happened Sept. 26: I witnessed an injustice, which isn't a surprise behind these walls. I saw Robert Woodard being tortured. This guy has been on death row since June 2001. He was placed in the dayroom for his one hour of rec and during this time he's walking around there talking to himself. For some years now, he has been acting as if he has lost his sanity, it's not possible to hold a conversation with him - whatever he expresses makes no sense. I'm no doctor, just describing how it appears to me & everyone else around him. Anyway, once his time was up, the guards attempted to remove him from the dayroom but he became belligerent, cursing, using all kind of obscenity, vulgar & profane names toward the guards - no one knew what this guy's problem was. They informed the sergeant, who asked Woodard to come out but profanity was the answer. Then the major came and never have I witnessed such unprofessionalism & immature behavior by someone holding a high ranking position - it was clear what he had in mind when shortly thereafter the team arrived: 5 men dressed in black protected gear, helmets, face masks, knee & chest padding to protect them from the pepper gad & the use of force to remove Woodard - if force was necessary. The team, sergeant & other ranking officials positioned themselves near the door, the lieutenant, wearing a face mask pointing a 37mm gas gun at Woodard - all of this being taken in by the camera operator.At this point my view wasn't clear but a witness told me that Woodard was to submit to a proper strip search & had restraints. He removed all his clothes, kept mumbling & making strange ritualistic movements with his hands. He was told to approach the gate but for whatever reason he threw both hands in the air over his head. This is when the entire contents in the can was dumped on him in a matter of seconds, hitting him directly in the face, painting his entire naked body up & down. Gas was all over his genitals, buttocks, in his eyes, everywhere. This red sabre cell blaster is supposedly 18% jolokia pepper leoresin capsicum - with a scoville rating of 5,000 units! It's oily & vicious, it sticks to you like a coat of oil. Woodard didn't last long and gave in. He was placed in his cage, covered with gas, to suffer. All of his property had been taken away from him so he had nothing to clean away the gas. No one is able to understand - Woodard has a mental disorder...
Much has happened to me, not sure where to begin... On August 21, I was gassed by unit officials for refusing to move, I'm now being housed on F-pod as a level-3. I didn't move because I was protesting the disciplinary case & the lack of fairness by unit officials. When I'm right, I'm willing to suffer just like I'm willing to sit here until I die! I will not make any deal with the prosecutor for life in prison! Anyway, 5 men ran into the cage to remove me. As usual I was taken to a filthy ass cage with pepper gas covering my body, in my eyes prevented me from seeing anything. Had to sleep naked on the floor for 3 nights! The guy next door to me understood the meaning of what I was dealing with: he sent me a small towel & soap, I was able to wash the gas from my eyes, I was able to clean up the filth. No need for me to continue, things didn't get any better. The next day I was moved to a level-3 section. You heard correctly, I'm now a level-3. Honestly, fighting an injustice, I would do the same thing all over again. That new gas prison officials are using burns like I've been dropped in fire! I will do what I feel is right, no matter the circumstances. Oh well, things continued to get worse. On Sep.10, Polunsky Unit went on lockdown. On the positive side: I was trying to lose some weight anyway. This is what happens when sitting in the fire. This section was the first to be searched, which was a good thing: I didn't have to sit around waiting & wondering what was going to be taken from me - not much was taken since I don't have very much property. I was placed on 30 days' commissary restriction the first time, 45 days the second time I went to court. I'm running low on stamps and it will be 2 more weeks before I'm allowed to go to commissary again. My lawyer came to see me, I know it was a surprise to me as well. He said he was just checking in because it's been some time since he visited with me - haven't seen him for many months...He told me the prosecutor is ready to make a deal with me: she wants to take me off death row & give me life in prison. I asked him why she wants to do this and he said because she knows she can't win. If my appeals were allowed to move forward, the appeal court would send it back & make them re-try me - the prosecutor doesn't believe she can win a new trial. I told him I want to be free! I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison! He told me I could have some time to think about it, but 2, 3, 10 years from now I'll still feel the same way. That's what I told him. No one is listening to me. The prosecutor knows I'm innocent. These people are letting me sit here because I don't have a paid attorney, a lawyer who'll fight for my rights. Because no one is listening or accepts what I'm saying to be true, no one is taking action, everyone feels they don't know what to do or what can be done to help me. The first week of football started Sep.9, my team, the Houston Texans, won their first game. I wasn't able to listen to the radio, I hate this. I'll only get my radio back if I go the next 60 something days without a disciplinary case. This isn't a problem as long as none of these guards are in a rush to get home...
Things aren't going well for me on this end. I've been dropped to level two. For what? Well, by the way I view it, for no legitimate reason, by the way unit officials view it, for refusing to remove my foot from the food slot. On August 1, 2012, a little after 5 o'clock, the guards were about to leave at 5:30. This is why they were rushing to pass out dinner trays. In doing so, food from one slot was spilled on top of food in another slot. Nonetheless, the guard just opened the food slot & handed me a tray where the main course was flooded with juice from food I do not eat. I told this to the guard but what I told him wasn't understood because he was focusing on leaving. "Why are you trying to force me to take a tray covered with food I do not eat?", I asked him, "just give me another tray." "They are all like that", he said. Two rays remained on the food carrier for the last two prisoners. "Wheatfall, once I leave from in front of this cage, I'm not coming back", he said when I put my foot in the food slot reqesting to speak with a ranking officer. The rank ordered the guard to give me another tray but allowed a disciplinary case against me. The guard could have done the same thing the sergeant had done, yet he didn't because he was more concerned with leaving & there just isn't enough fairness among ranking officials: guards are always right in officials' eyes, even when they create the problem. Zero tolerance is what is being enforced. This means whatever a guard says you did, in the eyes of unit officials you did it, even when you did not. It's like bad people over the law: it's their side against the people, the people will always lose because bad people are in charge of everything. A few days after the incident, I was able to speak with the guard who wrote the case: "Why did you try to force me to take a tray where the main course is covered with food I do not eat?" "Why didn't you tell me that the other day, Wheatfall?", Officer Castro stated. "I did, your only concerns were going home", I said, "you weren't listening to what was being said. Are you going to help me correct this problem?" "Wheatfall, it's too late, I will help you but I can't change what I said." In Kangaroo Court I explained this to Captain Miller, who wasn't listening & wasn't concerned about the truth. The truth just didn't matter to him. I thought that was the whole reason I was going to court in the first place. I was found guilty, given 15 days cage & 30 days commissary restriction for being confined inside a cage, not because I had done anything wrong. I'm now expecting to be moved, my property to be confiscated, not sure how I'm going to react when this happens. I told you about the reporter who visited me. I hope something good will come from the fact that her co-author is a chief of police. He is just helping her out researching the information she needs. I told her the truth surrounding my intention or anything I may share about my case so I'm not concerned about this, but anything can be used to create a lie. If everything is on the up & up with these two, I feel that he being a police officer will help me. I'll need a lot of help once this man discovers I'm telling the truth! His position will have a lot of influence with getting my case heard. This is the only thing I want. I don't know what's going to happen but I'm taking a chance & hoping for the best. I should have someone else to inform the outside world with what's going on if I should be unable to write. I say this because I'm about to sit in the fire over this injustice forced upon me. I know I'll lose and only I will suffer and if I don't fight for me, who will? I'm being pulled in many directions. I've been trying to move forward with this book. Having my typewriter taken away will only slow me down. This isn't the only disruption & distraction. People are asking for my time & attention, like this reporter & her co-author. Both write & ask questions as they want me to provide a clear picture of my situation. These inmates keep calling me asking a lot of dumb questions or want something. I can't tell you how hard it is to stay focused. If it's not unit personnel delaying my mail or some kind of emotional drama dealing with people like my lawyer, investigator,...there's something demanding my attention preventing me from focusing on my book. As if writing the book isn't emotional enough, talking about the difficult events in my life. You see, the abuse inflicted upon my mind by just re-living these events is destructive enough, not to mention all I'm forced to deal with each day I open my eyes! The inmate I told you about died. This is just an escape from this madness. No matter what I do to avoid this madness, it somehow comes knocking at this cage door. I just want to know: where is the love? Did you know the state just executed a mentally retarded guy the other night? The law doesn't mean anything to state officials. Those in control of the law enforce the law the way they wish, prison officials have this same concept. I don't see how I can build up my support when I'm fighting with prison officials, my attorney, investigator & others as well as the battles I have with myself...being too angry, making bad decisions, not knowing something I should or just hating this life I'm living! You don't know what it feels like to have no one to love because you're surrounded with loving people. This prevents you from knowing how these walls make me feel: like adrowning man holding onto a flotation life preserver in the middle of the ocean...
A short time ago a guy tried to take his life. The nurse came on the pod to pass out the medication, as she was going to the individuals who receive medication a prisoner was discovered unconscious. I noticed the guards & nurse running to the control picket explaining something to the picket officer, then they headed up front. Shortly thereafter, the ranking officers appeared, then many more guards arrived, more nurses would show up. At this point everyone knew something was seriously wrong. The prisoner would be rolled off the pod, no one knew how serious the problem was. I stopped a guard & asked about the situation but all she knew was that the prisoner had taken something but didn't know if he would live or die; she did say this wasn't his first time trying to take his life. The next morning I was told that he was dead. As sad as this situation is, it's just another day. We prisoners are faced with the burden of facing death one way or the other, some just can't deal with the pressures of this life. Death is seen as an escape... We're not living, just existing until the day comes to die. Anyway, I believe I've already told you about buying a new radio. The property officer was so bad with how she did her job that she has been removed. Yes, this is a good thing because no one has to deal with this woman's attitude anymore, but now everyone is waiting for prison officials to replace her with someone new. It's been a while since someone has come around & picked up the property that prisoners are trying to mail out. No one is complaining out loud but this is preventing a lot of people from mailing out large mail. I had a visit with a reporter who wants to involve me in a book she's writing. She came with a guy who happens to be the chief of police in a small town in Texas. It was a surprise to me. I've thought long & hard about this but these people may be able to help me, this is always why I do anything I'm praying something good will happen. Anyway, the visit went OK, I was able to develop an idea of who I'm working with, there's a lot I wish to understand about this woman. This will come in time, I hope. Anyway, I'm not sure how this book will come out, she has written 7 books already!
I'm OK. I have a few problems but nothing I can't deal with. I had to turn in my radio to the property officer. I couldn't turn it from AM back to the FM station. I'm not sure what's wrong with it. It could have been fixed but I couldn't do it, which is why I turned it in to buy a new one. This isn't the only problem: the problem is with the property officer. She doesn't want to do her job. You see, before I'm allowed to buy a new radio, I have to turn the old one in. It's this way with anything I need a property slip for, e.g. alarm clock, tennis shoes, radio, boots, night lamp, hot pot, fan, typewriter, etc. Anyway, this slip is called a commissary notification. It explains to the commissary personnel that I've been approved to buy a radio or whatever I'm trying to get. Once my property has been picked up, I turn in a blue slip, which is called a special purchase, into the unit commissary the next time I'm allowed to go. This slip goes to the property officer, then it's approved by the Major. However, since May 10 - this is when I turned my radio in - I've been waiting on this woman to send the slips through where they can be approved. I'm waiting to receive a Commissary Notification Slip, which we, prisoners, call a white slip. Once I have this, I'm able to purchase a radio. I've been without one since May 10, other guys have been waiting a lot longer than I have, maybe I'll have to go a month or longer without a radio... Another problem I'm having is with these lazy ass guards who don't want to do their job. The other day, I was the first person to rec, I was taken outside at 6:05 in the morning, then I had to wait all day on the guards to come shower me. Two other rounds of rec were placed out after me, can you believe, the last round to be pulled off the yard after me was placed into the shower before me! I asked the guard why I wasn't placed inside the shower first. "You're getting fucked over today" was what he said. I wrote this ass up, now every time he works, he makes sure the night shift showers me. Weak people are given authority to cause injustice. This isn't this lazy ass guard's fault, unit officials are just as lazy: they're the ones telling these guards to stop calling them when an inmate has a problem to deal with the situation. These guards can make up whatever lie they think up against a prisoner & get away with this, because in the eyes of unit officials, their guards are always right. I've been explaining this situation with this guard to the next shift sergeant, all I asked him to do was exp[lain the situation to the ranking officer on the first shift. He told me the first shift ranking officials had told him to stop crying to them about complaints from prisoners because they can run their shift the way they wish! This is what Sgt.Fisher told me. I went to him because Im trying to address this situation correctly, but these people don't care anything about being fair when it comes to a prisoner. It's only after a negative situation has developed that prison officials will focus on the problem but by then it's too late...
I was moved to another pod once again. Prison officials have been moving guys all month, so don't think I've lost my cool! They have deliberately moved guys around to disrupt the camaraderie developed between guys who have lived around one another for 8 months to a year. I know many of the guys I'm housed around now, it's just I have to develop the same goodwill & rapport as I had with the other guys. Prison officials believe it's easier for them to destroy this camaraderie, by replacing it with confusion & distrust. This is what they are out to achieve. They moved me in a cage that was filthy! I don't know how this guy was living inside this nasty ass cage - it took me half the night to clean it. There were small bugs here & there. I wanted to get rid of them before I lay down to rest. My body was aching, also from the workout early in the morning. I missed the guards when they came by with breakfast - I was exhausted. It took me 2 days to unpack & re-organize my property and get everything as I had it before. I can't believe all the stuff happening to me. First my headphone broke, my radio was next: I'm only able to pick up AM. The guy who tried to fix my headphone wasn't successful so I've to replace it. I'm reaching out for something positive. These lockdowns every few months, guards going through my property once a month... Some of them are disgruntled about their lives & their work environment, using this negative energy to lie on prisoners - just because they hold disdain against them. Maybe this also explains why the mailroom personnel delays my mail. None of this stuff is positive. My court appointed attorney doesn't answer my letters, a lawyer who isn't doing anything for me, he isn't working to free me from this cage...
I'm sitting here on death row, trying to build up support, trying to convince people I'm innocent, fighting to hold everything together because sometimes the issues I'm made to deal with make me feel like I'm losing my mind. At the end of the day, I know I'm just sitting on death row waiting to grow old & die... Who will help me? Who will support me financially? What is physically wrong with me? My back hurts from sitting in the same place/position, either I'm typing, writing or reading something. I guess back pain is one of the effects that come along with solitary confinement; there's no comfortable chair to sit in anywhere. The mattress I sleep on feels like I'm sleeping on the floor, so whenever I wake up, some part of my body hurts. I went outside the other day, it was nice but hot! That didn't prevent me from doing a hard workout, I ran about 45 minutes in that heat. I'm trying to work off some of that weight I've gained! Now my knees aren't causing serious pain that prevents me from running like they used to. After running, the guy in the next yard to me did push up & pull up with me, it's not always I have someone to work with. The heat really took a lot of energy out of me. After returning to this cage, I felt this energy lost. I had to wait on the guards to come & take me to the shower - sometimes they take forever! I returned from the shower to wash the clothes I had on, this seems as if it takes forever! Once done I jumped into bed to rst my body. My mind fell into a deep sleep, Suddenly a loud explosion: bang! bang! bang! "Wheatfall you OK? What's your last three?" This is what the guard said, disturbing my sleep. Whenever the guards make their rounds, going cage to cage checking to see whether everyone is where they're supposed to be, this is what they do during their count. I was able to fall asleep once the guard was gone. After a few hours of rest I got up to focus on the book I'm writing, then a letter & my legal studies.
Once again, I'm upset. A lot of negative things are going on around me & I'm not happy. How can I be living inside this madness? On March 29 Polunsky Unit came off lockdown. When the guard came around to check if I was going outside, I told him no. You would think, after being confined inside this cage for so long, I should want to get out of it, but after working on my book the day before, I was tired. This unit went on lockdown on March 12. This time we, prisoners, were confined for 16 days because population prisoners were searched. Four months from now only death row will be on lockdown. Death row is looked upon as the worst, the name alone is enough to tell people we deserve the treatment being forced upon us, prisoners. They caught a guy with a phone a few days after this unit went on lockdown. This is why the shakedown team started at the front of the building this time. I was glad to get it over. I get so tired of coming back into this cage seeing my property everywhere! These guards have little regard for my property & when something is missing I have no idea who was inside my cage! A group of guards entered my section & began pulling prisoners out of their cage placing them into the shower or outside on the rec yards. So while I'm in one of these places, a guard is going through all of my property, I mean going through everything! Most guards don't enjoy doing this, but it's their job, they try to get it done as quickly as possible. But some of them love going through prisoners' property! Now guards are taking prisoners' stuff they shouldn't be taking. The guards took the radio of the guy next to me, claiming it was altered, but he said it wasn't. Anyway, there's no use of me complaining about this. Lockdown is what it is, so I'm looking forward to sharing what took place the next time it happens. Actually, we're facing 2 more lockdowns this year!
As for the lockdown: the guards are growing tired of shaking down as much as we, prisoners are. This may explain why they weren't too destructive. We came off lockdown February 6. This time it wasn't that long because prison population wasn't searched. Death row has to be searched 4 times a year, only twice for population. I don't agree with this. These people are taking everything that can be taken away. What now? Ear plugs! You can't believe it? I would find it hard to believe if I wasn't made to live through this B/S. Unit officials are saying ear plugs are a security risk. How? A few guys were using them to make blow darts, shooting them like missiles at the guard as he is looking into the cage. This hasn't happened often, but this is their excuse for taking away ear plugs! And what is their reason for taking away pillows? They are trying to save money by not making pillow cases. Did you know that no death row prisoner is allowed to have a multi-outlet nor nail-clippers, shaving razors, pencil sharpeners, color paper? Oh yeah. And have I told you I'm only allowed to buy one typewriting ribbon every two weeks?There're a lot of other things that have been taken away for some stupid reason! The only reason why this is being done is to create discomfort, frustration, making life as unbearable & displeasant as possible. This is what a lot of people don't see. It's important for you to see these people & their mentality for who they are & what it is...Some of these officials & guards are just evil & filled with hate!
Lockdown began on January 30. These people have totally lost their focus that they are dealing with human beings by the way we're treated: we're confined inside these cages for 24 hours & tortured with bad food inside brown bags. We shower every other day waiting on a gang of guards to arrive to begin taking away or throwing away my property, while we, prisoners are placed in showers totally unaware of what guard is going through a prisoner's property. Some of my stuff was thrown away but I didn't know until I was searching for it. I am totally turned off with these people going through my property every 4 months.
What's going on at this end? The same old thing. .. The other day the guards pulled me out of this cage to search through my personal property. They didn't mess up my stuff too bad. It's about time for this unit to go on lockdown. This is what I am waiting on. This place has gotten so bad. Many don't leave their cage anymore because they don't want to deal with lazy ass guards who go out of their way to create controversy just to prevent a prisoner from going to the shower or rec. It is so sad that guards are allowed to get away with this. What's truly pathetic is that it's the ranking officials that are telling them to do this. The guards leave prisoners inside the dayroom or on the outside yard 4 or 5 hours, destroying the routine of rec by violating rec policy. It's so sad now prisoners are being showered at 12 in the morning. Otherwise they are left inside the shower for one hour or an hour & half! Who wants to deal with all of this when one is trying to focus on more important matters? I went to commissary the other day but lately they haven't got the items I want. It's bad enough we have to deal with the price changes from week to week, can you believe prisoners have to pay $6 for one T-shirt? Prices here are outrageous. Aterwards I was told I had a visit, something I wasn't expecting. It was my friend Blackie, who I've known since we were kids. He was the one who informed Marjan that my father had passed away. He explained that my brother had called & told him. They agreed to come to me together but my brother didn't show up and we're not sure what he's going through. It was nice to see my friend, I hadnt seen him since February 2011. We talked about the past, then his family. I couldn't believe he has a daughter in college & he has been married for 21 years, which is as long as I have been behind these walls... It's raining right now, prison officials have just locked down the unit. No one is sure why but I believe it's because of the weather. Every time it starts to rain hard & begins to shoot lightning across the sky, unit officials lock the firm down. The last time the rain was very bad, it messed up my radio. I couldn't listen to it for 2 weeks. And my typewriter is also messing up: I can't use my small letters anymore.
I've been informed that my father has passed away. I'm OK, he hasn't been a part of my life in years. His passing away hasn't changed anything in my life - the way he was involved in my life didn't change anything. I didn't feel like I had a family anyway. No one in my family informed me that he was dead. If it hadn't been for Marjan, I wouldn't have found out. Being inside this madhouse I don't feel like my real family exists & this is sad, you see. Right now, it's raining outside & the discharge of lighting is making it difficult to listen to my radio. I don't like this because the show I'm listening to was about sport and my favorite football team. Over the weekend the Houston Texans won their play off game. They are looking at a difficult game next week. If they don't win, it's over for them, but if they win they'll have a chance to go to the next round & if they win they'll go to the Superbowl, which is the Championship of the National Football League. Have you ever taken time to watch American Football?
