Things have become worse.
Trying to provide you with a clear picture of what's taking place around me, how this affects me, is going to take a lot out of me. I'll give it a good shot.
I'm placed outside, it's about 35-40 degrees. A T-shirt & thermal shirt is what I have on. To protect my head from the cold, I wrap my T-shirt around my head. The guard comes out & orders me & another guy to remove our T-shirts from our heads. You can't believe this? Neither could I.
They tried to remove me from the yard because I wouldn't follow orders but my time wasn't up & they know their order was B/S, petty & nonsense, the guard was seeking to provoke a negative situation; this would be his excuse on why he wasn't able to do any work. This isn't the only outrageous event I've been made to endure: food is being denied, my sleep is being disrupted, mail delayed & policies violated. This is just some of what's going on.
On Dec. 5 I was given a letter written Nov.6. To hide the post mark date, mailroom personnel marked it out with a black marker, just another way to deceive after holding my letter over a month. I wrote to a friend in the US and this Oct.31 letter was posted Nov.10. They gave me his letter in a different enveloipe so I wouldn't know how long they have been holding it. It was 2 weeks old by the date on the letter.
This mail problem is going to be a big issue and the problem will only get worse. It was reported the other day that the US post office will be closing many of their buildings letting go many of their workers. They say a lot of people are now using the internet to mail their letters, so instead of mail taking 1 to 2 days to arrive now, it's going to take 3 to 5 days because unit officials will use this to delay mail longer. Not sure when it will start, some time next year, I guess.
The other day I had a problem with a guard who deliberately didn't feed me. But first I must say that since these cameras have been up, a lot of guards have been fired, transferred to another unit or just quit, so now a lot of young & inexperienced people are here now.
The feeding procedure is as follows: the guards enter the section, saying: "It's meal time, turn your light on if you want to eat." They begin to serve each individual going door to door. If someone doesn't have his light on, they're supposed to ask the person if he wants to eat, giving him an opportunity to accept or refuse the tray. These new guards aren't doing this, some are just walking past the cage without asking/giving a person an opportunity to accept his tray if his light isn't on. Even when the person comes to the door after they have walked past, these guards refuse to give him his tray.
On this day, lunch wasn't passed out until 3:30-4 o'clock because a pipe broke flooding out the kitchen in this building. Food had to come from another building, which was why the food was late... These lazy ass guards were the other reason. Laziness is why we, prisoners, can't receive our showers, mail & recs on time and this is the problem in other departments as well. Anyway, the guard who denied me my tray created problems with other prisoners where a sergeant had to be called. I was able to explain my problem and when the sergeant looked at the paperwork to see what time I was fed, it had 19:45, they lied on the paperwork. So the sergeant asked: "Why didn't you feed this prisoner?" "His light was off", Officer Kelly said. "Don't you know that's not our feeding procedure?" Williams asked. Kelly simply stared at the floor. Sgt.Williams instructed me to write Kelly up & use him for a witness. All this was good but I still wasn't fed!
Officers are now deliberately creating situations to use as an excuse why they couldn't shower, change out rec or the reason why they had to feed late & nothing can be done about it!
I'm being awakened at 12:30 at night to get my mail or to be placed in the shower. Once I'm in it, I'm left inside for an hour or longer. If you roll all of this together, I'm beyond frustration...
I expect you to understand all these attacks fill me with negative thought & energy, how could you not? I'm battling my emotions each day, fighting to hold on to my sanity, which isn't easy. I'm an orphan, have felt this way all my life. I'm sitting inside this cage, being abused physically & psychologically, waiting to die. My mother was never there for me, I haven't seen nor heard from her in 21 years. I understand now everything I experienced as a child was real, she doesn't care.
Inside my head I'm sitting on death row because of a friend using me, not trying to hurt anyone, I'm trying to free myself from death row. All I ask is for help: help me help myself, not someone helping themselves by taking advantage of my situation.
I'm getting older & older, sitting on death row, yet the state has not killed me. Why? It's not because of this useless ass attorney over my case, he has done nothing!
Where is the Christmas spirit? If you ask a man to deal with the darkness I'm made to live through, this destroys my Christmas spirit.
Anyway, I want to wish you the best for Christmas and a joyful time during the new year.

24-12-2011, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine