I wish to express my appreciation for those of you who take the time to read my story. Anyone wishing to become involved, to get to know me better or help me through this injustice: I'm looking forward to hearing from you via daryl.wheatfall@hotmail.com or Polunsky #999020/Mr.Daryl Wheatfall/3872 FM 350 South/Livingston TX 77351/USA.
10-08-2011
Depressing madness
Let me share what's been going on around here. After 3 weeks of being on lockdown, July 25 we were taken off lockdown. Things are bad here because unit officials are violating their own policy & allowing guards to do whatever they want. Yesterday I witnessed a guard close the door on another inmate's arm & the only concern the inmate had was not to get moved to F-pod! Since coming off lockdown I haven't been out to rec because guards are now working so slow, when it's my time to rec it's 8:30/9 o'clock at night! The day is over for me at this time. Sometimes it's better not to leave this cage at all. That way I don't have to deal with these guards & other inmates. I like tranquility and peace of mind without having to deal with anyone else.
I received a letter from my brother who told me he was thinking about taking his life. After reading something like this I wondered why he sent me a letter like this. I'm surrounded by death, every other day someone loses his life as well as the many who are fighting to save their lives. I just couldn't understand it. I wrote him a letter but tried not to talk about this place because it's DEPRESSING & I'm trying to focus on other matters of what's going on inside my life. It's a depressing madness...
This unit is on lockdown again since July 5. We all just went on lockdown May 23 and came off May 31. It's an all-out assault upon death row prisoners & our rights, it's unbelievable with what's going on right now.
Prison officials are violating unit policy left & right, guards & prisoners are being written up over stupid & petty reasons (one guard is written up for handing a tray to a prisoner, he's suppoesd to set the tray down on the slut; another guard is written up for not making an inmate back out of the shower or one is standing too close to the slut when it's being opened). These acts are causing the guards to write fallacious & false cases, just like the one a guard fabricated against me that sent me to F-pod.
Here's what I'm thinking: they've been talking about the drug used to put prisoners to death. The only manufacturer of the short-acting barbiturate is unhappy states are using the drug to put inmates to death & has announced a new, tight-controlled distribution system, intended to keep the drug out of the hands of prisons while ensuring deliveries to hospitals & treatment centers for therapeutic purposes. Southern Ohio Corrections Facility in Lucasville, Ohio, Oklahoma & Texas, the nation's busiest death penalty states, have switched to pentobarbital for their lethal injections.
I think...with so much attention focusing on death row now, prison officials are trying to provoke death row prisoners into committing violent acts against guards & prison personnel to show how dangerous death row prisoners are. Get together a lot of videos showing guards with injuries committed by death row prisoners to prove their case. Just a few thoughts running around inside my head because I know/believe prison officials' actions have everything to do with these cameras, these guards are so frustrated with what prison officials are doing to them so many aren't thinking clearly. Of course, prisoners are deeply affected by what's happening because it's the dehumanizing perception & helplessness I feel, it's the feeling that prevents me from focusing on other matters. I stare at these walls and ask myself: "What am I doing wrong?". I mind my business, work hard on trying to generate awareness of my situation, have written a book, many newsletters & try to generate as much loving energy as possible; but I can't create any attention to my book, I can't develop any attention to my newsletters or get the help I need...What am I doing wrong?
Here in Texas it's as hot as hell. People are dropping dead from the heat! I've been confined inside this cage since July 5, unable to ge out to see what the sun will do to me...
I stare at the walls like I'm watching TV, taking in the many pictures created by my mind. Angry, dishearted & truly bored with this life I'm living because reality has revealed no onehas time for me. I can't get any help for my book, no help to promote InCaged to try to generate attention... What has been happening to me? I'm punished for something unit officials would later overturn & remove from my disciplinary records. Unit officials admitted I did not do anything wrong, yet I'm made to endure mistreatment because unit administration isn't trying to be fair...it's like they want me to suffer. With no support, no one will question their action nor attempt to discover why I am being mistreated. Why were my greeting cards denied when they were ordered correctly February 15, 2011? I'm made to pay to mail these cards home, though they came via the correct channels; why are unit officials abusing their policy simply to deny me? The shower slot being closed when someone is placed inside, I've told you about this. Several weeks ago holes were drilled into the windows. Now officials believe this is sufficient enough to leave us, prisoners inside these showers over 45 minutes! These holes don't change things that much, it's still hot inside these showers but not as bad. It's not just this, I'm not getting my rec the way I'm supposed to. I'm housed inside a cage where I'm made to go to rec first in the morning one day & last the next day. When I go last, it's 7:30/8:00 at night, I'll come back around 10:00/10:30 and wash my clothes, then I'm asked to get up for rec at 6:30! These guards are lazy & some deliberately give prisoners extra time during rec & use other events; like escorting the mailroom personnel or the nurse or feed the pod to justify why they are leaving guys inside the dayroom or on the rec yards 4 hours - or longer.Two or three rounds should be run during a 12-hour shift. After 5:30pm only one round of rec will be run. Second shift, normally 34 to 45 showers to do, feed the whole pod, about 75 to 80 prisoners, all the showers & recs have to be done before 10:00pm. How can this be done with 2/3 rounds of rec left? I end up not going out at all. Some guard is at my door at 7:30pm asking me if I want to go out. This affects my health... The mailroom has destroyed all of my outside connections, unit officials are denying my greeting cards, writing false disciplinary cases against me, nobody has time for me - none of this is seen as a whole to understand how much I must endure...
Feel so lost. So consumed with bitterness of what's happening to me. It's a harsh taste, it leaves such a disgusting & foul flavor around any positive thought, will or spirited motivation. On May 9, 2011 I received my grievance back stating Disciplinary Case # 20110211676 will be overturned & your records will be corrected: Grievance Resolved. Warden Lester. I'm innocent, but I'm still sitting on F-pod! I've been here since March 28, just like I've been sitting on death row since 1992 for something I didn't do! I'm innocent, I'm innocent, sure it's the same stuff. When someone is sitting inside a cesspool, will he not smell like a sewage? I'm sitting in hell, submerged beneath so much waste! Solitary, this is what I am. It's what I've been, hearing the nightward shores of loneliness, waves of thoughts & dreams wash over me; pulling at my soul drowning my spirit inside this goddamn hell hole - just waiting! How could comprehension ever be described where a rational identification is reached? It's clear, battling alone doesn't provide high hopes here in the miserable darkness created by uncaring prison officials. If anger comes, I'm to blame for accepting the dream, believing in something too good to be true. Something like me being a free man hitting a 150 in a Lamborghini of my dreams - witnessing envy upon everybody's face as I accelerate going by. Accepting this dream to be reality, when it doesn't happen I shouldn't be mad...Just like, when I wake up inside the madness of this hell - all alone. My life is nothing more than a joke! Prison officials focus upon my letters to discover my thoughts, to see how I think, what I'm thinking about & all that may be going through my mind or discover who is or isn't involved in my life.
My property has been returned! On May 23 I was awakened by the woman working inside the property room and she gave it back to me. The next day this unit was placed on lockdown again! WOW!
The darkness of this environment influences all forms of rationality. As I stare at these goddamn walls I feel the rage & bewilderment felt around the world when the atom bomb was dropped. Over 100,000 dead & 100,000 wounded - how can this be ignored? It's how I feel right now. Abandoned, disappointed & let down. Nobody has written. The games these people play by manipulating, delaying, controlling my mail has destroyed any attempt I've made to establish other outside connections. I feel trapped. This place is coming down on top of me. I'm not doing anything wrong whatsoever but I'm being made to suffer over lies. I'm sick of this life, I'm sick of these people, their goddamn made-up rules & their hate for prisoners! I'm an innocent man. Most of all, I'm sick of the manipulation that these people do. Life is starting to have no meaning for me; these people are going out of their way to cause me & other prisoners unnecessary pain. All I'm doing is watch myself grow old inside this goddamn hell hole hating every damn minute existing!
I'm now a level-2 housed on F-pod over a minor disciplinary. The case stated Unauthorized Transfer. It has me passing something to a guy inside a dayroom while I was inside my cage, which is totally impossible. They had an officer looking at the cameras & the person wrote the case wrong, my name is on 3 other people's cases & none of what's written is correct! I'm being punished for something I didn't do! When it was time for me to go to the disciplinary hearing for this bullshit case, I wasn't allowed to go to tell them the guard made an error! Are you understanding what I'm sharing with you? I was written a disciplinary case on March 28 and moved to F-pod the same day. My property was taken away. I was dropped to level-2 for an offense I never committed. I passed some books to a guy, but I wasn't written up for this. When they ran the disciplinary case, do you know what kind of punishment I was given? A verbal reprimand & I wasn't even in the room when this was done! I was given a copy of the case informing me what I received. I'm telling you, these people are going out of their way to abuse their authority. I was written a case & never made it to a hearing, but I was found guilty! This happened to 50 other guys as well! Being placed on level-2 means I'm on property, commissary & cell restriction & I haven't done a damn thing! Can you believe they wrote on the disciplinary case that I refused to attend the hearing? This is a damn lie! This is how these people falsify paperwork. They're the authority, who's going to believe anything an inmate says? Right now, guys are protesting against this abuse, a few aren't eating, some are getting a gas & run in on, sitting down on the run, but this isn't going to accomplish anything. I really want to discover if the people in Huntsville know what's going on. I need all of my friends to help me: go to Marjan's blog (www.bloggen.be/nodeathpenalty), where you will find a letter and 4 addresses. Please send letters as soon as possible and urge your friends and their friends to do the same. Thank you for your help!
It's an all out assault on prisoners'rights to exist until it's time to die on this end.
I'm just fine. However, I'm now housed on F-pod as level-2. What did I do? What do I ever do to receive a case? Nothing! I was returning two books to the person they belong to, which is why I am on level-2! Hard to believe? By TDCJ standards, transferring a book means Trafficking & Trading. This is a level-2 offence, a minor infraction. Several prisoners were written disciplinary cases for some of the stupidest reasons (passing a paperback book, toilet paper, a magazine; one guy was given food and he was given 15 days'cell restriction for eating inside the dayroom)! This is totally irrational, but this is the assault prison officials are exercising against death row prisoners. Denying razors, closing the slots on the shower door is just a psychological disruption - preventing that inner peace. Being back on F-pod has given me some inner peace, as if all my worries & concerns have been eliminated. I was upset when informed I would be moving, but they moved so many guys on March 28, it just didn't make any sense... These are guys who haven't received a disciplinary case since they've been on death row (10, 15, 16 years). I haven't had a case in over a year. These people are going out of their way to create problems: they gassed some guy on the rec yard on the 29th. I was in the dayroom, when they carried him in naked from the yard, the gas followed them in. At first, it wasn't affecting me, then it attacked like a hungry animal! Striking at my eyes & respiration - to blind me & robbing me of my breathing. I quickly made protection. The guy who lived next to me also was a victim. He's been on death row for 16 years, never had a case until now - this isn't a legitimate case. I told him: "Seven days will not pass without someone being gassed. How much do you want to bet?" The next morning they gassed the guy on the yard; I was hollaing to him from the dayroom, he was ignoring me because he knew I was going to say that I told him so! F-pod is where the rules are made up as the guards move through their day. The other day I was placed into the shower at 11.45p.m., the next day I didn't get a shower at all because ranking officers shut down all movement. Asd I write this, I'm waiting on a shower. I was placed inside the shower on March 30, I came out on the 31st: from 11:01 until 12:10 I was inside the shower; it's crazy, this life I'm living - that's the challenge for me not to become like this life. On March 28 I awakened to what I thought would be a normal day. I made me a shot of coffee, sat back taking in the sounds of my environment, drinking my coffee. Then I shot my line to the dayroom to return books that didn't belong to me. Now I'm being punished for this. What's a line? That's what we, prisoners, use to pass items from one place to another; nonetheless, please tell me, how unrealistic does it sound to punish a man for returning a book!
I'm under a lot of pressures living inside this environment - loving energy & support is what I need & loving energy & support is what I wish to provide, so I'll try to be more loving & positive...
On Feb.16 this unit was placed on lock-down. Again? Yes, again. Why? I don't know. On Feb.17 regional guards did the search. These guards came from a different unit. Anyway, prisoners were pulled out & placed in showers on different sections or on the outside yard. No one was able to witness the guards searching through personal or legal property. Once everyone was back inside their cage, most discovered property was missing. No one had a clue what guard had searched through their property & none of the ranking officials would acknowledge anyone seeking their attention! I had 10 bottles of water & copyright forms missing. Yes, I wrote a grievance, but without someone on the outside making a complaint, my grievance is only a record of what has taken place. Nothing else will be done about my stolen property. Listen to this, we prisoners will have to experience a shake-down every 90 days! This is what the ranking officer said. Also, guards are enforcing a new rule: they're being told to close the slot on theshower door. This is a safety hazard. There's no exhaust fan inside the shower; with the shower running, air isn't able to circulate with the slot closed on the shower door. I don't go to the shower any more since they started closing the slot door. I shower inside this cage now, it's less stressful and I get just as clean as inside the shower. It's been a year since my last case, you didn't know this, huh? Last year in February was the last month a case was written on me. Now, all I have to do is start developing more interest & involvement to go along with the news we received about my case...
It's my life, feelings & thoughts I'm sharing with you... The pain near my heart didn't make matters any better. I was taken to the infirmary for severe chess pain & my blood pressure was high (186/101). I know when something is wrong with my body but the unit doctor told me the problem wasn't serious! Nothing was done, they just placed me on a 6-week check: every Monday at 2 a.m. my blood pressure is checked. Since then I haven't had any problem - well, not any real problem.
The other day I found a rock inside my food! Almost broke my tooth. It's unbelievable all I'm made to endure behind these walls. Life seems so hollow due to how things are run here. So many rules are created as obstacles to cause disruption & confusion. I'm not complaining, I'm able to deal with whatever I have to, I'm just trying to make my situation clear by sharing how I'm unable to achieve what I'm trying to accomplish. The confusion created by this place & the miscommunication associated with those involved in my life prevent me from establishing what I'm trying to do. This is so de-energizing. My mail is being held/delayed disrupting my communication, destroying my efforts to build more support.
Did you know Anthony Graves was released from jail after spending 18 years on death row? State officials don't want to pay him his money for unjustly locking up an innocent man for 18 years. This is crazy! Unbelievable really. Now this man has to fight for his money juat as he had to fight for his freedom! The State had him incarcerated due to the prosecution hiding evidence. This misconduct was discovered & the Capital Murder charge was dropped by the courts...but they don't want to compensate him. The State is saying since the charges were dropped & the word 'innocence' wasn't stated in his release papers by law, the State doesn't have to pay him $1,4 billion. This is something I don't want to experience when I'm released from this living nightmare in Livingston, Texas. That's why it's so important for me to have my book & Newsletters & experiences on death row published to help generate interest & funds where I won't have to move in with people who aren't involved in my life & didn't assist in my struggles for freedom. Anthony has the love & support of his family, something I don't have. Anyway, this situation makes me think of how the government continues to talk about terrorists overseas while I'm more concerned with these bigots & rednecks right here in the US backyard in control of the justice system & the law than I am with Bin Laden. These rednecks & bigots have been terrorizing the poor & blacks for hundreds of years, so terrorists aren't new to me/us... Slavery, lynching, church bombing, using water hoses & dogs against innocent people & children! This hate & injustice was released upon millions, terrorism is nothing new. It's new only to the ignorant of the world. These are the ones who don't give a damn! This is why innocent people suffer.
Before I forget: the typewriter & radio taken away from me in 2008 when they said I had destroyed a mattress, remember? A guy in the next section informed me the other day my radio was given to him, I'm guessing they broke his & replaced mine for the one they lost. The rules are used to con prisoners out of their property, then it's used as they see fit...
I have some good news! I saw Richard Reyna the other day. At first I wasn't happy with him. I'd a serious attitude when I walked in to see him. "He'd better have something good to say to me" were the thoughts inside my head. I was going to let him have it if he didn't have anything positive to put my mind at ease! My eyes told him this by the way I looked at him once I walked into the attorney hold-over. I don't believe in abusing someone before hearing what he has to say. I recalled that Richard had promised to visit me but this had been over a month and a half before, so you can imagine I was upset. All of my built up frustration was going to be released upon this man if he said the wrong thing, anything I didn't want to hear at that moment. But afterwards I realized this man needs some room to discover the evidence to set me free... It's easier said than what I'm able to carry out psychologically. I can't give details because I don't want to harm the investigation, but I couldn't believe what I read. No, I'm not sure how long things will take now, I guess there's still a long way to go, but there's hope of me being a free man again...
A letter was denied to me due to it being uninspectable - they are saying they couldn't look behind the flower stuck to the card! In other words, they found an excuse to deny the card. These people have been finding stupid ass reasons to refuse my mail going & coming in. Mailroom personnel gave me a denial form forcing me to return the letter...
On October 14 the guards came through shaking down going through everyone's stuff. I happened to be the last person because of the amount of property I have. Research material, legal material, books & information to be used on the book I'm writing & things I've written already is what I have... When the major & captain showed up, standing around watching, now they wanted to be concerned about the policy as they observed my cage being searched - this concern was shown when the others were searched too. They said I needed a legal box, but to get one I have to give prison officials permission to go through my legal material - these people want me to fill out forms giving them the right to go through my legal matters - this ain't happening. This guy from the library stated he'll go through my legal work & tell me what I can have & can't - this is a joke! Do you understand what's going on? (1) They are telling me I have too much property; (2) to keep that property I need to get a legal box, (3) to get a legal box I have to give them permission to the (cause no.#), which opens up everything about my case. I have to do this to get a storage box to put my property! These people have created a policy that forces prisoners to expose their legal matters to prison personnel. There's no policy that makes a prisoner reveal his legal affairs to personnel. What I'm saying is: by law these people aren't supposed to be reading material nor trying to deprive me of my legal material. I've been confined inside these walls for 20 g.dd... years; even when I'm not doing anything, somehow they find a way to state I'm violating their policy - when they can't follow their own policy!
This place takes me down like standing over a gravesite. My typewriter is broken. I just paid for this trash in June last year. I heard they have new ones that cost over $200! There are too many distractions in my life that prevent me from focusing on my book. I'm afraid with these pressures being placed on me concerning my property, I may not be able to put all the necessary information inside my book. I still have this pain near my heart. It's not bad, but it's there. I don't know what it is & this place & its people don't give a shit if I live or die! The pain is small & it comes & goes away...
The visits with Marjan were beautiful. We shared a wonderful time. It felt as if we were two little kids who had been mad at one another for a long time. Somewhere, somehow we walked through this door & all of that energy was gone! We were back, the loving energy we shared surrounded us, we sat there laughing like two little kids. I totally enjoyed her & miss her right now. She told me she shared the wonderful times we had on her blog with her readers (www.bloggen.be/nodeathpenalty - in Dutch). The visits went by very fast. One of the guards was kind to us. On the first visit she told us we had 5 minutes left. So I reminded her of the time we lost on media. She remembered & promised she would allow us some extra time. True to her word she allowed us far more than 5 minutes... Marjan kept looking at her watch worrying about the time. I told her to relax and we ended our visit without some guard telling us. The last day is always the hardest because inside our minds we know it's the last time we're going to see one another for a while - something we dread the most. Watching Marjan walking away, going through the rolling steel door, down the long glass hallway - she always stops to see if I'm watching, waving goodbye for the last time, smiling, then walking through another door out of sight - this kills me! Inside watching this I'm dying because I want to walk out that door with her, into the sunlight, out of this dark place...
There are problems with the mailroom personnel again. Prisoners' letters aren't mailed out the same day they're picked up. They are saying they have 48 hours to mail out outgoing mail. This is an excuse. My letters have been posted 4 - 5 days after the date on the letters. Other prisoners have told me they're experiencing the same problem with their letters. The weather is changing here in Texas. For a few days it has been very cool, while it's always hot in Texas, even when it's supposed to be cold. I wonder how long will I have to witness the seasons change from one to the next from behind these walls? I would love to be out & about enjoying the sun, cycling like a little kid seeing different places & people & made to deal with the bad weather. This would be a good day for me! On Sunday the football team that I like, the Houston Texans, won a hard-fought, very exciting game. It looked as if my team would lose! However, slowly they began to come back. At one point it looked as though the Texans were going to win, the next minute it looked as if the other team would win, but the Texans were able to pull it out & win the game. You should have heard the sounds guys were making over the win. I stare at moments like this to view my reality in a strange sense to be normal, though I realize all around me guys are facing death, waiting to be killed by the State of Texas. Everyone has all kinds of problems & worries running around inside our heads, yet it's during these moments pulling for our team to win that we become like any other person doing so. It's at this moment we escape the madhouse for a few hours, no longer worried of being killed by the State of Texas, no one cares about the cameras installed to watch everyone, the many problems everyone has, no one is concerned about them - my mind takes all of this in, listening to guys holla, yell & kick on their cage doors as if they had just won a lot of money without even knowing if I was among those doing the yelling & kicking. It's at these moments all seems normal. But staring at the walls inside this cage the following morning, I wondered how it was possible for me to even think such a thought, knowing I'm living in a controlled environment & nothing is normal about this madness. As I began to move around, I noticed there wasn't anyone inside the dayroom - I discovered this unit was on lockdown again! The visit between Marjan and me was nice. I enjoyed the time I spent with her...
This place keeps me frustrated, unpleasant thoughts fill my head. Nobody is able to grasp the affect & feelings I'm made to deal with, no matter how I explain it. I have a serious headche right now. It's late at night, rec is stil being run. A guy is inside the dayroom talking very loudly! This is preventing me from concentrating. It isn't just this. I'm disturbed over how these people are going about doing their jobs. If they were doing it correctly, this guy wouldn't be inside the dayroom. Since these cameras came on, the warden is making up his way he wants these guards to carry out their jobs - the amount of work the guards used to do isn't being done because now the guards are using the way the warden wants them to carry out their jobs as an excuse not to do their work! On the night shift the sergeant has these new guards enforcing every small rule they can. This is provoking negative situations/reactions from many prisoners. Last night/this morning they gassed this guy because guards kept asking him to remove the sheet he had over his door. This wasn't a problem just a few days ago, now that these guards have to do a security check every 30 minutes, they are asking guys to remove sheets from over their doors because they have nothing better to do. This one guy got upset & threw something on the guards & they gassed him. I myself use another way to prevent from being on display. Nonetheless, I'm sharing this stuff with you hoping it provides a picture of what I'm made to deal with...
Lockdown ended on the 12th. Prison officials only locked down the unit because they were about to turn on the cameras - they wanted to play with their new toy. Confusion is everywhere, just as I predicted. No work is being done by these guards. What do I mean? Prison officials want the guards to go by policy i.e. count has to be done first thing in the morning, recs set up, strip search prisoners, search dayrooms & yards, escort nurse & mailroom personnel. All of this is done between the hours of 5:30 and 9 o'clock. This was being done before the cameras entered the picture, now guards are following policy and they aren't able to do 4 rounds of recs & shower 50 inmates in their 12-hour shift, they're using policy as an excuse on why they can't do their jobs. Here's what takes place in the morning shift once officers change out at 5:30: there are 3 guards working the pod, 1 inside the control picket & 2 walking the floor; on arrival the count is taken, which means both guards are going door to door counting each prisoner; once done, they go door to door again asking each prisoner if he's going out. This is called setting up recs, which eats up time, by now it's about 6:20. By this time another count is done around 6:35. The guards search the dayrooms & yards. It's about 7-7:15 by the time the first prisoner is put out. It will take over an hour to put 6 prisoners in 6 different dayrooms & 4 prisoners in 4 different yards because all prisoners have to be strip-searched before leaving their cage or the yard. This consumes time as the guards always have to stop before putting out 10 prisoners to do their security check. What's a security check? Every 30 minutes the guards will walk the whole pod, which is shaped like a C, which has 2 rows, top & bottom row. They're going door to door looking into each cage checking to see what each prisoner is doing. By the time they've finished doing this & putting out the recs, they're supposed to do showers. You see, there're 6 sections on a pod but only 5 sections rec a day. Each day one section remains confined to their cages. This section is showered first during the first round while the prisoners are doing their 2 hours' rec. This isn't happening. The nurse & mailroom personnel show up around 8-8:30. Now the guards have to escort these people around. If they have someone inside the shower, these people will end up staying inside the showers for a long time because once they're done escorting these people, they have to do their 30 minutes' checks again - do you see this picture I am sharing with you? The guards have to strip prisoners coming from out of the shower. I don't know what they're searching for, there are cameras everywhere! Once someone has been placed inside the shower, there's no way this prisoner is able to get anything from anyone! Nonetheless, this is only another reason why prisoners are left in the shower over an hour and shower at 12-1 o'clock in the morning! I don't have time to be sitting inside a hot ass shower waiting on guards to come back around to remove me from the shower. I shower inside my cage to remove negative energy & frustration from my mind... The madness doesn't stop here. Prisoners are only supposed to get 2 hours of rec but due to the manner guards are being allowed to do their jobs, now prisoners are receiving 4 hours. This would be a good thing, however everyone isn't getting an opportunity to rec or recs are being run at 12 o'clock at night. Some people don't want to be in the dayroom at that time or out on the yard; if so, these people inside the dayrooms are disturbing those trying to sleep or concentrate - many write letters & study their cases at night. It's not just this. These people are still showering at this time. A person is in a deep sleep & the guard comes & wakes him up asking him if he wants to shower! Or asking for his dinner tray or giving him his mail! Do you see the mental picture I'm describing? I could go on & on discussing the madness taking place here. Is it a wonder I feel depressed at times?
This unit is on lockdown again. It started June 28th. Since June 29th cameras are up & running. I believe this is one reason why we're on lockdown. This pod I'm housed on is waiting for the guards to arrive to begin their search through prisoners' property. I really hate this. Each year prison officials come up with some kind of new rule to prevent us, prisoners from having property we have been allowed to have...
Can you believe the mailroom was denying my outgoing mail from going out just because I put "Mr." Wheatfall? They stated Mr. was a title & I was violating board policy: 'has anincorrect return address (no titles allowed)'! I've addressed my letters that way for years! It's stupid! After 2 to 4 weeks of preventing my letters from going out, now they say we're not violating any rule! You see how these people can make up anything & claim it's a violation. This goes back to what I wrote: "Even a tiny amount of power can be monumentally disastrous unless the wielder has found his/her balance"...There isn't any balance when those in control are filled with hate.
I haven't had any problems & with each new day I'm putting things back together. This is my main goal to establish order in my life because with so many matters demanding my time & attention I haven't been able to focus on things like I've wanted to. As you know, now these people are putting up cameras & this has guards disturbed because a lot of things they used to do, they won't be able to do them no more: sleeping inside the picket, can't sit around doing nothing; they're going to work because Big Brother will be watching! However, it's going to force them to go by a lot of rules they weren't enforcing, so life will become frustrating for us, prisoners. I foresee a lot of problems coming once these cameras are up & running. All of this is because of one prisoner, but it's also due to corruption, but it isn't the guards who're being punished...
This situation I've been dealing with occupies a lot of my time & energy, so is this article, and my knee is acting up on top of all this, which prevents me from doing anything. I was given back my level 1. On May 6th it wasn't given back and I wasn't moved until the 12th! I don't know why these people find new ways to create frustration within me. For 6 days all of my property was packed up waiting to be moved. I was given back all the things level 2 prisoners are not allowed to have: allowed to go to commissary to buy everything level 1 prisoners are able to buy while housed on F-pod. I was moved to F-pod on April 20th but that's another story...
I made up my mind on the night of the 5th to find out why I wasn't moved like other inmates who received their level 1. While returning from rec I refused to walk back to my cage demanding to speak with some rank. After explaining the situation, I was told he would go and discover why. The next day I was moved back to B-pod. No, I never found out why. I was faced with another problem: I'm right back in the same situation which created my problem in the first place. Yes, I'm made to go out to rec first & last. They were going to move me inside cage 40 but I refused because whenever it rained water ran into the cage. I didn't want my property to be damaged by water. The only other cage open on the section was 30, which happened to place me back in the same position. It's not just this, because prison officials knew something was wrong with that cage. These people are nothing more than a big goddamn distraction! For 6 days I couldn't address my affairs because all of my property was packed up. I'm trying to finish my article while trying to reorganize my life, because from February to May there wasn't any order in my life whatsoever. Every day it seemed I was faced with some new dilemma.
Once I got my property back, so much had been taken/missing/stolen! Whenever I deal with these people they make it clear my personal property & my life is meaningless, it means nothing to them! I have to ask myself: what does all of this mean to me? why endure all of this bullshit? why should I care about my abusers?
For over a month now, workers have been getting the building ready for cameras, cameras are going to be placed on every pod, just like A-pod & the section I was housed on have cameras. It's going to be a lot of bullshit once these cameras have been placed everywhere because the guards will be aware they're under the watchful eye of Big Brother & be trying to enforce every little rule they can. There won't be any mor sitting around or going to sleep inside the picket. No one, neither guard nor prisoner, is going to like these cameras. The state is putting them up to watch their guards to prevent them from bringing in stuff.
I hope all of this madness will soon be out of the way & I'll be able to focus on my life & not this prison madness. I'll be finished with this article soon. Everything that has happened to me from then to now will be inside this newsletter so all the holes of what happened will be filled in...
