16-02-2010, 20:32 geschreven door Sunshine  

On December 13 the medication I was taking to prevent my knee from swelling up, Meloxicam, ran out. Before running out I sent in a request informing a Dr. Zond to renew this medication, this was in November on the 16th & 28th. The first one ignored, I was forced to write another one: "Dr. Zond, again I'm writing to inform you that the Meloxicam order has run out. The amount given wasn't enough, I sent you an I/60 informing you of this matter, explaining that the pain I was experiencing with my knees caused me to take 1 tablet twice a day & that the tablets would not last for 30 days. Without the medication my knees swell up, I'm in constant pain, I'm requesting the tablets to be increased to 15mg, that the order be refilled before 12/13/09 as of today 11/28/09 I'm out. Would appreciate you for addressing this matter. Thank you."
Here's the reply: "Meloxicam is current until 12/13/09, you may also take Tylenal from pod boss to polentiate the pain."
As of today I still haven't seen this Dr. Zond nor has my request sent to the medical department been acknowledged. Yes! as I sit here typing I'm in pain, stress I'm made to endure. It affects my attitude, how I think & feel - this is translated onto the pages of my letters, it's this part of the struggle that is difficult to grasp for those on the outside staring in...
On Christmas Day nothing seemed special - not to me. I see it as just another day, I don't expect anything from my family. I don't feel a part of any family. I feel dead. I don't expect anything from the people living in Houston claiming to be my family, to letter to wish me "Happy Birthday", "Merry Christmas" or just to say "Hi, how are you doing?".
Each day a part of me dies & at times life just doesn't feel worth fighting for. If only you knew the madness of this hell I'm living in...

13-01-2010, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

Two prisoners escaped from prison in the past weeks in Texas. Every time something like this happens, security gets tighter on death row, which is seen as the worst of the worst,
Anything & everything is used as an excuse to justify their scrutiny over inmates' mail. Hate is the real reason, so this problem isn't going to go away.
It's Christmas time, a time when family members get together & enjoy one another's company & remember the birth of the baby Jesus. It's not something my family do - so I don't expect anything to change just because I'm on death row. So I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I wish I was...
Prison officials are deliberately going out of their way to create problems. They're going into everyone's cages searching through them when rec is run. One round is run from 7 to 9, then everyone is placed back into their cages to feed lunch, which takes 3 hours. The officials are being forced to do it this way, now because of this prisoners are placed into the dayroom to rec at 10:30 at night, placed into the shower at 11:30-12:00 at night. All of this is disrupting prisoners' lives. These people are going door to door searching for any little problem they see wrong inside a prisoner's cage. If he has a photo on the wall or his light covered, he's written a case. The light is too bright! And a family photo on the wall isn't a major problem, yet this is what is trying to be enforced. Why? Surely for some political ambition by one of these ranking officials - this is what these acts are all about...

23-12-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

My lawyer says a brain scan is necessary. Yet, he should be pushing the prosecutor to address my Habeas Corpus Writ. This writ is to release from unlawful imprisonment. The office of the writ is not to determine a person's guilt or innocence - only issue which is restrained of his liberty by due process. The writ only permits a prisoner to challenge a state conviction on constitutional grounds that is related to the jurisdiction of the state court.
If I have the same constitutional errors in my case, errors that have already been overturned in other inmates' cases & these inmates were given new trials - this brain scan information can only be used during the punishment stage. Any information discovered by this brain scan cannot be used during a new trial - unless it's for the punishment stage only.
My lawyer is only focusing on overturning my case during the punishment stage only. He wants to use this brain scan to present it to the court & say something is wrong with my brain & that my first lawyer should have discovered this doing my trial. This means if I get a new trial this information can be used during the punishment stage & nothing else so his intention is very clear - he isn't trying to help me!
I do not enjoy having to sit here without an attorney, who isn't working with me keeping me updated with what's going on with my case. Someone who isn't concerned with protecting my rights, who refuses to answer my letters, who isn't involved in my life whatsoever. This doesn't make me happy...

30-11-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

On September 28, 2009 this pod I'm living on was searched. No one knew. Guards came in a little after 6 a.m. We were allowed to leave all property inside these cages, a whole row of prisoners were placed inside different showers while the guards went through the property. While inside the shower many showered. The guards were trying to finish as quickly as possible. Nothing was removed from my cage, it took a while to organize everything back where I had it. I was pleased that it ws over & I could focus my attention on other matters.
On the 29th oatmeal was placed inside everyone's breakfast bags. Once prisoners started kicking on their cage doors hollaing & demanding to spaek with some rank! The guards didn't know what to do. They couldn't believe only dry oatmeal & coffee cake was inside everyone's bags. The guards were told that brown sugar was placed inside the oatmeal, all we had to do was add water. There wasn't any sugar inside the oatmeal - they lied.
Anyway, officials opened the unit October 1. We're off lockdown. For how long? Your guess is as good as mine...
This is the madness going on inside my life.

15-10-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

The word is that video cameras are being set up to watch over the guards. Why? It's due to an inmate who used a cell phone to threaten a senator some time ago. Now this inmate has talked the prison minister into taking his mail out to his people without it going through the mailroom to be checked first. The inmate exposed this minister by having these letters mailed to the senator threatening him inside these letters. Can you believe this? Letters were also placed onto the internet farther exposing this minister, this got him fired.
This is what precipitated video cameras being placed throughout the building where daeth row is being housed. Of course, the guards don't like this. This inmate has disrupted the comfort zone of everyone living & working inside this building, this act has filled many with disdain against this inmate, who's being housed on a section by himself for his protection.
With cameras on the runs, inside the control pickets, in the halls, this will cause the guards to be more professional all the time since they're being watched. I was told, if a guard is caught passing something for a prisoner they'll be fired, just like the minister was. A few guards have said once cameras are put in, they'll find another job.
Many believe that this inmate's informing on the corruption going on behind these walls to make some kind of deal to get his mom & sister out of prison. Both were charged with a crime for paying for his cell phone minutes.
Now prison officials are reading through our mail more thoroughly. Why are they focusing on our mail when it was the minister who took the inmate's letters out?

I'm still trying to develop my projects while trying to write my second book. I want to have copies of my book made up, but haven't been able to save enough money to do this due to how these people are running commissary. The book could produce some kind of funds but isn't being given an opportunity.
I'm so sick of being made to suffer, unable to fight back! Things will only get worse here & this will affect me.
Polunsky Unit is now on lock down, as of September 17...

24-09-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

Let me tell you something about my typewriter.
Prison administration officials do business with outside companies. These companies bid against each other to win a contract from TDCJ. TDCJ officials always go for the cheapest. Most of these typewriters aren't sold in the free world. Also, there is no repair department once a typewriter, radio, coffee pot or fan breaks down. If the prisoner is unable to fix it, he has to buy a new one.
Most of everything sold out of commissary comes with some kind of defect. Commissary personnel are telling inmates that after 3o days if one of the typewriters breaks, they don't have to replace it. In reality, it's 60 days but most inmates arren't aware of this, trusting what commissary personnel say is the truth. So when one of these typewriters breaks down, the prisoner believes he can't get his money so he gets a new one or goes without. A lot of prisoners with outside support do a lot of writing, it's convenient for a prisoner to use a typewriter.

20-09-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

This place demands so much of me. I'm emotionally affected, distracted, frustrated & angry. Being robbed of my life, denied my rights, no longer able to care for myself because this right has been taken away. All of this makes me feel totally powerless & deeply lonely.
No one can ever be taught to endure this kind of life. I haven't anyone to reach out to, to comfort me inside this cage. I'm made to deal with these disturbing issues as best as I'm able to. This keeps me frustrated.
Recently I received a form denying me one of the two books somebody had ordered for me. Reason? Claiming the book contained explicit images. I appealed this denial because they use the rules just to deny us prisoners. 19 days later, they returned with a different form denying the same book for a different reason! The new form I was given is only used when someone has sent me something from their home. This publication is denied 'due to being altered'. So they're now saying someone personally sent me the book and they're saying the book is altered! Someone inside the mailroom department took a marker & marked out the images that were supposed to be reviewed. The book couldn't be reviewed for sexually explicit images by a department that's on another unit, so they sent the book back. The people on this unit are claiming someone at the book store altered the book. This is to protect whoever did it.
It's clear these people are going out of their way to cause stress & confusion in my life. This explains why my mail is manipulated & denied any chance these people get. I'm still waiting to see if they are going to allow me to have the book. But I'm going to write them up for damaging my book!
I believe these people are trying to provoke me into assaulting a guard, committing a crime that will allow the prosecutor to charge me on a crime that will keep me in prison for the rest of my life. I don't expect anything from these people because I know they only see me as an animal.
This is one of the reasons why I want an attorney who'll protect me from these people's abuse...

16-09-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

Disturbed is how I begin this blog.
Failure is just an act of not achieving a goal, it seems this is all I'm doing! My cards, T-shirts, book, newsletters, blog & those I've attempted to establish correspondence with...all this has ended in failure.
I can't hire an attorney with money donated to hire a lawyer & this is sad.
This makes me feel like a little kid who fails trying to learn how to ride his bicycle, by falling & hurting his knee. Limping into the house mad, swearing never to attempt to ride his bicycle again. Soaking in emotional despair of failure, discouragement & anger consumes the child's mind. To help overcome, parents become the voice of encouragement, with words providing motivation helping this child remove his fear of hurting himself again. By believing he'll have success the next time he attempts to ride his bicycle. A child always fells safe & confident knowing his mom has a strong grip upon his bicycle rolling down the street laughing, big smile on his face enjoying riding his bicycle consumed by joy never realizing his mom has let go...
To allow a child to feel safe, his mind possessed with the confidence that he can do it, the voice of encouragement has always come from parents.

Did you know I'm getting one or two letters a month? It's not just not having any involvement here in Texas, prison officials have destroyed most of my friendships assuring that I don't receive words of encouragement. Now you understand why I pour my energy into my projects, desperately trying to do what I can to help myself. I know there isn't anyone here in texas I'm able to depend on. The projects are designed to create help, just as this blog is supposed to. Yet, I don't see any positive result!

I'm battling too many emotions just dealing with this life I'm living. It's so discouraging thinking about all these years of attempting to develop an audience to support InCaged, yet I haven't developed anything. If only I had dependable people involved in my life...But all I'm receiving from living inside this environment is discouragement, a psychological abuse.
This only adds to failure; with failure comes an emotional assault as well, low self-esteem. The joy that grows from success doesn't exist from failure & this is only one of my problems, but this problem should explain why enthusiastic energy doesn't jump off the pages in some of my letters.

With issues like this where do I turn?

I'm not a guy who needs much but it's truly aggravating only having enough money to go to commissary one time. Prison officials have been manipulating how commissary is run. We are supposed to go every 14 days, yet we don't. We're only being allowed to go every 21 days. This means we're only going twice a month. Not only are we being denied the opportunity to buy stamps, most of the time commissary doesn't have everything I order. I end up running out to do this.

The point is: these people know how to control & manipulate the lives of prisoners, intentionally or not, this is what's being done. These things keep me frustrated because I'm asked to deal with so many situations without the needed help. Each time I take a step, like buying this typewriter, I'm pushed back 3. Typewriter breaking, having to pay someone to fix it & the emotional stress from having to deal with all of this.

I'm made to fight so much & I wonder why I haven't lost my mind. I am supposed to be insane, being forced to deal with so much adversity. I haven't had time to think about writing a letter to an attorney. Besides, I don't have any post stamps so the letter couldn't be mailed even if it was written. I started working on my book, but for the past few days I haven't been able to focus on it.

I'm learning that I shouldn't depend on one person because life comes with many disappointments...

28-08-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

My life is filled with confusion & frustration.
My head is packed with demands, obligations & problems. Once one has been liberated, another takes its place. There's the regular stress created by professional antagonizers who have destroyed friendships & communication.

I wrote a grievance, sent it to the state bar attempting to remove my lawyer from my case. These efforts won't produce success. The state bar isn't going to go against a state court. I desperately need to hire someone to remove this attorney from my case. I find myself dreaming I'll meet an attorney on the internet interested in getting involved by taking over my case...

If only I had donors, benefactors, active involvement, this would give me resources of assistance.

This unit went on lockdown on July 7. This was only another distraction. I couldn't go to commissary. I didn't have nothing! No stamps, nor any food inside my cage to eat whenever I got hungry. The brown bags that the food was passed out in smelled, the bread had moles on it. I never felt right having to eat what was being passed out.
All I could think about was I used all my money to buy one of these sorry ass typewriters. I felt that I should have kept my money & bought commissary when I wrote & informed the commissary personnel about the problem that I was having. To my surprise I was given another typewriter!  The woman told me that if it was up to her, she wouldn't give these typewriters away because they're not worth the money inmates are paying to get them. I asked her could I get that in writing, she asked me was I going to give her a job?

I understand, there are guards here who don't like what's going on but this job pays their bills.
On July 15, the guards arrived on the pod to shake everyone down. They looked like a lot of buzzards going through the property. They showed no regards for inmates' property, it was like a game to them. I stood at my cage door watching guards going through the property. It upset me to watch. They put us inmates into the shower taking the property to the dayroom searching through it. I didn't have any problem, I'm pleased about this but I'm still disturbed about how things are going here...

I'm pleased to be able to inform you that my knees are a lot better! The medication I'm taking helps, but it's causing a small pain in my chest, this concerns me. I'm not sure what the pain is, it comes & goes. Not going to worry about it because I have to deal with enough stress already.

This unit came off lockdown on July 17. I'm waiting to go to commissary to buy some stamps. We should go this week, they came around picking up commissary cards because radios came in. Now I have a radio. After going so long without one, I don't listen to it that much.

29-07-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

30-06-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

I have finally got a typewriter. It's the same kind as the one I had before, only I'm able to see clear through it. I'm guessing prison officials think/feel this will help them with security.
Surely this will help me. I feel, I'll be able to move a little faster & be a little clear with what I'm expressing, without making so many mistakes.
I still don't have a radio. They still don't have any inside unit commissary. But even if they had some, I couldn't buy one, no funds!
This typewriter cost $99.85, it took aal the money I had. Also postage stamps went up.
Unit officials are abusing their authority. These people are just lazy! They don't want to follow the rules, nor do what they're supposed to do. Yet get into the face of a prisoner & try to enforce a rule. This shit is crazy!
A lot of things are being abused behind these walls. No matter how bad the situation is, nothing is being done about it. Some prisoners are so ignorant - they just don't care. Or they're so stupid! Just do not know what to do. In my opinion it's a little bit of both. These inmates will search for reasons to fight with one another rather than acknowledge the abuse of authority going on. This is the sad part. This thing with how commissary is being run. We - prisoners - are supposed to be allowed to go to commissary every 14 days. This allows us to buy postage stamps. We're only allowed to buy 30 stamps each time. However, in May, we were allowed to go on the 14th, the next time was June 5th.
Do you see the problems? 30 stamps will not last. A whole lot of other things won't either.
This isn't the only problem. I just had to jack the food slut to get the floor sweeped & mopped. For 2 and a half months, 4 showers were used to shower 79 prisoners! The shower stank so bad, I started cleaning myself inside this cage. Grievances don't do any good. I filed them just to have a record to support what I share with the people. I have to battle with these people just to receive medical treatment, which I'm still in need of! This medication I'm being given for pain is destroying me from the inside. It doesn't stop the pain, but the pain would be a lot worse if I didn't take it. Each day & night, I suffer, enduring the pain. Knowing it is not going to leave me, because I'm not receiving the necessary treatment.

11-06-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

28-05-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

They keep finding cell phones. Can you believe this? Now there's a team of guards going around every day shaking down 5 prisoners on each pod. They hit our section already. My cage had been turned upside down when I returned to it.
One guy was gassed. Not sure what kind of issues he had with the guard. Nonetheless, he didn't appreciate something about her actions! He expressed unkind words at her. Not sure what she said. I couldn't hear her, they were on the end of the run. Anyway, once she left threatening to write him a case. This made him furious! The guard working the pod exchanged a few words with this guy, who threw his juice into this guard's face. A furious guard retaliated by throwing juice back onto this inmate. Immediately they came to move this guy. Inside this guy's mind, 'the guard threw juice on him first'. He would be gassed and moved. This is just a small piece of what's been going on in my life.
These teams remove property out of inmates' cages that they shouldn't be. I had to threaten to be gassed just to get the ribbons of my typewriter back!
Most of these guards don't know the rules, they only know the rules that allow them to take something. Thankfully my property was returned.
I have to battle with ignorant ass guards, an environment filled with distractions.
I'm still suffering knee pain. It's worse. I don't run anymore. The pain only allows me to do exercise, push up, sit up & other things where I'm not bending my knees.
I picked up some weight. This & not being able to physically do what I've been able to do affects me psychologically.
This month I'm supposed to receive the injection for my knee. I know I'm going to be forced to write a grievance just to receive the shot!
Officials have closed the unit to all outside visitors. Surely you've heard about the swine flu? Closing the unit is the first step. They're hoping more drastic steps won't be necessary. Actually, every prison in the State of Texas is closed to the outside world. Guards & workers are the only ones allowed in. A lot of prisoners are upset. All small pieces...

12-05-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine  

For weeks now I've been focusing on my newsletter. It's almost finished. I think it's a very nice article. It has taken longer than I'd wished. Most of this was due to my knees. I've discovered what my problem is, from information out of an article I read. I have an ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) tear.These people knew what was wrong with my knee but they haven't told me anything! They knew the problem is serious but they don't want to give me the tretment I need - I have to wait until May to receive injections.
Not sure what good that is going to do...

22-04-2009, 00:00 geschreven door Sunshine