Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.
05-08-2013
Humor
Don`t stare at me. I am not responsible for your ugly face.
Are you trying to be idiot or its a born defect.
Oh! god you are here and i searched all the mental hospitals.
You don`t know who i am? Yup, I left my job as gynecologist a long ago.
Never motivate an Idiot because after that you will have a motivated idiot.
You can't beat me twice. I will run after first one
I will not talk to you again. Are you serious ? OK Promise me.
I tried hard to win her over, But i am too bad at the art of lying
Love at first sight never worked on me. Because I am blind.
If i will fail the very first attempt, I will remove every evidence of attempting.
I am not a loser by nature. Its just a born talent.
I don`t want your help. I am good at destroying.
Do what you can because other thing you can`t.
You are not a complete Idiot, still some parts are missing.
I want to die with my wife.At least i can prove god that I was already living in hell.
No, she is not my girlfriend. She is intelligent.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now i understand i should have been more specific.
You are a very special kind of stupid
Today I noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water. I bet he's not laughing out loud anymore.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Today I noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water. I bet he's not laughing out loud anymore.
I'll be Burger King and you'll be Mc donald's, I'll have it my way and you'll be lovin it.
I hate it when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
I tried to be normal once . That were the worst five minutes of my life.
Oh wow. you're really gonna fight me over the internet? What's the worst you can do, caps-lock my ass?
I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead.
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
People like you are the reason we have middle fingers
B.I.T.C.H - Beautiful Individual That Creates Hell.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, same sex, leather sex and phone sex but for people with a face like yours there's masturbation.
But enough about me, let's talk about you... What do you think of me?
You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.
If you can't amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullshit.
The important thing is not winning, it's making everyone else lose.
My mind is like god. It works in mysterious ways, no one really understands it, and people debate over whether or not it exists.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's' lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.
That moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you're just so hilarious.
I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness.
I'm not trying to brag... but i have a 6 pack.... of crayons.
I throw my homework in the air sometimes, saying ayooo, I'll take a zero.
If you think that breaking a mirror is bad luck... You try to break a condom.
My parents say its their house but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Kids now, have Blackberries and Apple things.. when i was that age.. I'd eat them.
