There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

People like you are the reason we have middle fingers

B.I.T.C.H - Beautiful Individual That Creates Hell.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, same sex, leather sex and phone sex but for people with a face like yours there's masturbation.

But enough about me, let's talk about you... What do you think of me?

You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.

If you can't amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullshit.

The important thing is not winning, it's making everyone else lose.

My mind is like god. It works in mysterious ways, no one really understands it, and people debate over whether or not it exists.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's' lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.