Me? Sarcastic? Never.

Save the world, it's the only planet with chocolate.

I'm surrounded by idiot.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?!"

Broken pencils are pointless.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Never go out alone. Always take yourself with you.

Life isn't a CD, so don't be a player.

Who laughs last, thinks the slowest.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I don’t get older. I level up.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I am a self made man. Yes God doesn`t make this kind of mistake.