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    Reaper LD
    De memoires van Cassandra en Cassanova, final chapter.
    29-05-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.darkness all over again
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    Black of night, bluish moonlight on pale white skin,
    shattered broken, dead within,
    she’s howling to the moon,

    Imagine the cage, crystal yet soft and cloaking,
    numbing senses, hiding the sting,
    death always comes too soon,

    The gentle rush feeds on it’s terrified prey
    anxiety covers his way,
    torn apart, shushing doom.

    29-05-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    22-05-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through...
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    Clouds of warmth to hold me
    Haunt me in my bed
    Dreams that last forever
    Things should not be said
    Words so softly spoken
    Hammer in my head
    Truth needs no lines
    Wait and see instead
    I’ve known this for so long now,
    For you to live I should be dead…

    For you to live I should be dead, for you I should be dead, I should be dead, I should've been dead instead...


    22-05-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    15-05-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.I used to have many flaws, now they've come down to two: everything I say and everything I do
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen I didn't particularly wanted to live much longer than that.  Life seemed rather daunting.

    It seems so to me even now.

    Life seems too long a time to have to stick around, a huge span of years through which one would be required to tap-dance and smile and be great, be happy, be amazing, be precious.

    I was tired of my life by the time I was sixteen.  I was tired of being too much, too intense, too manic.  I was tired of people, and I was incredibly tired of myself.  And that hasn't changed.

    I want to do whatever amazing thing I'm expected to do (it might be pointed out that these are  my expectations, mine alone)

    and be done with it

    go to sleep and never have to wake up again.

     

     

    15-05-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    08-05-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.The last cut is the deepest, bleeding to ease the pain
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen When you believe without knowing you believe that you are damaged at your core,
    you also believe that you need to hide that damage for anyone to love you.
    You walk around ashamed of being yourself.
    You try hard to make up for the way you look, walk, feel.
    Decisions are agonizing because if you, the person who makes the decision, is damaged, 
    then how can you trust what you decide?
    You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort.
    You become an expert at finding experts and programs, at striving and trying hard and then harder to change yourself,
    but this process only reaffirms what you already believe about yourself
    that your needs and choices cannot be trusted, and left to your own devices,
    you are out of control, and no good in this world either.

    08-05-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    01-05-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.When we start defining ourselves by that which can be measured or weighed, something deep within us rebels.
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen We refuse to take in what sustains us
    We live lives of deprevation
    The way we are able to accomplish all of this
    is by the simple act of bolting
    of leaving ourselves
    hunderds of times a day

    01-05-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    24-04-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.How to stay alive when my brain tries to kill me?
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen Hell
    is wanting to be somewhere different from where you are
    being one place
    and wanting to be somewhere else
    or in my case, not wanting to be at all.

    I want life to be different from what it is
    That's also called leaving without leaving, because leaving didn't work.
    Dying before you die.
    It's as if there's a part of me that so rails against being shattered by others
    that I shattered myself first.

    24-04-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    17-04-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.There's something beautiful about scars of whatever nature, a scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with...
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen In her presence,
    I was reminded again of why I was like this: fear.
    Of my needs, for food, for sleep, for touch, for simple conversation, for human contact, for love.
    I became an outlaw because I was afraid of being human. 
    Implicit in human contact is the exposure of self, the interaction of the selves.
    The self I'd had, once upon a time, I thought not be be good enough to be shown, it was too much.
    Now there was no self at all. 
    I was blank,
    scarred, wounded and bleading,
    but blank.

    17-04-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    10-04-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Death: the final stage of growth
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen It feels very much as if I'm possessed

    As if I have no will of my own but am in constant battle with my body

    and I'm losing.

    It wants to live.

    I want to die.

    We can't both have our way.

    So the self destruction and violence creeps into the rift between me and my body and I'm going out of my mind with fear.

    Starvation is incredibly frightening when it finally sets in with a vengeance. 

    And when it did, I was surprised, I hadn't meant this, I try to say: wait, not this.

    And then it sucks me under and drowns me.


    10-04-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    03-04-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Jij, engel van een andere planeet, en ik, die daar zo weinig over weet...
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen Drain me,
    Keep me in the dark
    I don't want tot take part
    Prefer to be forever numb

    Nothing great can come out of this
    But I'm a hostage to myself
    I fear I might collapse on the razor's edge
    And I fear I'll realize when it's too late
    And so the rampage begins against the headache I can't win
    Sleepless again
    I need to ease my mind and kill what burns inside

    Heal me,
    I can't sleep
    I thought I was unbreakable
    But this is killing me
    Call me
    Everything
    Make me feel unbreakable
    Lie and set me free

    03-04-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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    27-03-2009
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.What's the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen Who wants to recover?
    It took me years to get that tiny.
    I'm not sick, I'm strong.
    We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.
    Do I want to die from the inside out or the outside in?

    27-03-2009 om 00:00 geschreven door Tigana  

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