Out of my life, Out of my mind
Out of the tears that we can’t deny
We need to swallow all our pride
And leave this mess behind
Out of my head, Out of my bed
Out of the dreams we had, they’re bad
Tell them it’s me who made you sad
Tell them the fairytale gone bad
Another night and I bleed
They all make mistakes and so did we
But we did something we can never turn back right
Find a new one to fool
Leave and don’t look back. I won’t follow
We have nothing left. It’s the end of our time

Ohana, means family, means no one gets left behind, or forgotten...
You forgot.
Me.
I could always come home, you said,
You lied.
I can never go home again.
You're alive. Happy. Forgotten all about me,
what we've shared.
Can't see what I'm going through for you.
To keep MY family safe.
I can't emphasise enough that I'm still waiting.
Waiting for it all to turn around.
It wouldn't last, they said. First relationships never last.
And yet. It does. Far faster than I could've imagined.
You're on your way to marriage, children, maybe even planned it all.
And still no sign of you. No words to tell me to buzz off. Not even that.
I'm entering hell, all over again.
Biking, swimming... I hate it. Can't say that it hurts, doctor's orders not to bike,
fucking stomach when I swim...
Because then I'm full of shit. At least that's what I keep hearing.
Because I can't do it, I make excuses? I don't, it's true, and just because it bothers you, and you say I can't talk about it, and I've got to stop being a whoos,
won't make it go away. I suffer.
Every day you make me suffer.
It hurts so bad.
Physically, mentally,
I'm tired. So darned tired.
Can't even breath without feeling agitated.
Every moment that I'm awake.
Can't even find peace at work.
I used to be able to work it off. Not think about it when I'm at my desk.
That time is gone.
Long time gone.
I feel it when talking to others,
I feel it when making a phonecall,
every fucking second of every single day.
I feel like screaming,
and I can't,
I feel like running,
and I'm stuck.
I really really need to go.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm supposed to be gratefull because you try to help me.
And you don't everything you do hurts me even more,
how can you be so stupid?
And nevertheless, I do what I'm supposed to, whenever you feel like you've done something for me, I thank you on hands and knees. Even though it didn't help at all.
It's my fault, I know, being too difficult.
I hate beeing alive. Every second takes so much energy out of me.
I want to sleep,
and never wake up.
I don't want an afterlife,
I don't want things to go better,
I'm too tired,
I just want to go.
Unconscious, for the rest of my existence.
Gone.
I'm forgotten anyways.
I'm nothing, to no one, and forgotten to you.
Father,
Why have you forsaken me?