When walking the streets dressed in tights and frilly lace, the three most asked questions aimed my way are:

Why would anyone want to be a Town Crier?

How does one become a Town Crier?

Is that moustache real?

Although I have answered the above questions and more in my book:
ME AND MY BIG MOUTH
(draft currently with a literary agent), without repeating its full contents here, a quick answer for now is: “Well, it keeps me on the streets!”

Maybe the real question that should be asked is: “Why do Town Criers even exist today?” I know that the medium of television, radio and newspapers keeps a literate public in the 21st century fully informed on not just local but world events. I also know that electronic amplification has negated the need for anyone to be soliciting the streets, dressed like peacocks and bursting their blood vessels in the vain hope of drawing attention to themselves by shouting at innocent passers-by.

However, with a nod to the truism that the only constant in life is change, Town Criers have adapted to change and though a Crier’s office has somewhat diminished it is not defunct. The emphasis of the role in today’s 21st century leans towards the theatricality of the appointment, which sees the donning of traditional period costumes, and usually the more flamboyant the crier the more flamboyant the costume!

Remembering significant events from our past can give valuable insights into our development as a nation and act as a focal point for civic pride. The presence of costumed period Town Criers serves to invoke this sense of pride. I applaud the East Riding of Yorkshire Council and every other council throughout Britain that has managed to retain or re-instate the ancient office of a crier in an effort to perpetuate this tradition, which has to be better than the re-instatement of the Ratcatcher or Dog Whipper!

A crier’s duties have naturally changed to suit the times and I assume the basic remit for the majority of modern day criers representing their councils is similar to that of my own, which I have coined: ‘The Joy of Six’. For it is a ‘Six C Role’ that I carry out.

1.Ceremonial duties on behalf of council.

2.Commercial work.

3.Charity fund raising.

4.Community involvement.

5.Competitions.

6.Charm offensive.

The sixth catergory of charm offensive is really a euphemism for charlatanism, e.g., ingratiating ourselves with the public we become as hypocritical as politicians for we take a leaf out of their book by kissing babies, cuddling grannies and listening to old-timers go on about the war.

Recently I spent the summers of 2000-2002 as the honorary Town Crier for Hollywood, California, where my offer to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice coach was, like Arnold, not taken seriously. However, these days I can be seen around my county looking like an extra from the movie: The Madness Of King George, as I quietly goes about my business promoting anything worth shouting about.

The telegraph, telephone and tell-a-person-its-a-secret have all contributed to the decline of criers, who would have probably died out were it not for the fact we live in theme park Great Britain and the appointment now taps into the tourism market, in-particular town crying competitions.

When crying any proclamation, official or not, the word count may be as long, or as short, as the content requires. A competition cry, however, must consist of not less than 75 words and not more than 100 words, including the three 'Oyez's' at the beginning, and the conclusion of 'God Save The Queen' or King, (or other coda as appropriate). During a competition, 1 to 3 cries are performed. The first cry is normally a 'Home Cry' which allows a Town Crier to paint a living picture of the delights and attractions of his/her local region. The remaining cries are usually on a subject chosen by the competition host. Criers are judged on their Clarity & Volume, Diction & Inflection, Accuracy and Content of Cry, and the prizes awarded are very keenly competed over.

For the record, I left the army in 1994 after 22 years service and was inaugurated as the East Riding of Yorkshire Town Crier in 1997. Shortly after taking up the post I circumnavigated by foot the 300-mile border of the East Riding over a two-week period to introduce myself to the locals of the county. At the same time I turned my trek into a fundraiser collecting £2,500 on behalf of Guide Dogs for the Blind.

I admit to being single, possessing my own hair and teeth, and yes the moustache is real (though I am not a member of the British Handlebar Club). My training to be a crier came from standing on the terraces and crying for real watching my local football team of Hull City, plus a lifetime of black coffee, burnt toast and full strength cigarettes, though I wouldn’t try this at home folks, I’m a professional, ha!

Oh, bye the way, mostly when interviewed by members of the media there is another question always asked of public announcers: “What does it take to be a good Town Crier?” In my case, the honest answer is: “It is a matter of holding one’s nerve.”

PROCLAMATIONS FOR ALL OCCASIONS!
		Appealing to all ages and all walks of life, Michael’s unique vocation remains timeless and timely. With his wealth of experience he will promote your event, product, or occasion, with style, energy, aplomb and humour. AVAILABLE FOR: Grand Openings Meeting & Greeting Lotto Wins! Hatches • Matches • Dispatches After Dinner Speaking Radio • Television • Movies   SPECIALISING IN: Bride & Groom Wake-ups Church Proclamations Wedding Receptions Marriage proposals on behalf of the dramatic or the shy!!! And anything else worth shouting about! even Divorce Settlements! So, for crying out loud, why not let your event be heard from the rooftops by giving Michael a bell, who will give you a yell... "Oyez, Oyez he will!"