I went shopping today and I've got new clothes!!
The night before I scrubbed(?)my tattoo off bc it hurted ugh..so I decided to I'm going to buy real india ink ayy I'm so excited lol
I haven't really done anything yet since the summer vacation.so I wanted to at least do something worth doing so I am trying to play the piano lol yeah I'm doing the song young and beautiful by lana del godness.I started yesterday and I already can do the intro lol.I love playing the piano.
I'm going to shop for new clothes tomorrow.wow it has been ages(no not that long but whatever) since I properly went shopping.
oh yeah and friday at the beach was amazing ayy
I passed the exams!!!
But my best friend(aka ex boyfriend) didn't sigh that means that we won't be in the same classes will be next year.
I'm happy for myself but I feel guilty for being happy with him for some reason.
My tattoo is looking great haha and healing great too.
its oficially monday so ill talk like its monday(but its midnight)
I haven't done anything special (yet).
I will get my grades tomorrow.oh god I've been stressing bc of it so much even before the exams lol(not so much lol)
On friday I am going to go to the sea with a friend of me.we will need to go by train to get there and it will take 1hour.it will be fab with her.she's really happy.no I'm wrong she pretends to be happy but still she makes me happy so I wanted to her to come with me.
OHHH I forgot to mention I've made a new tattoo!!!!I don't have the others I did before so I hope this one stays.it says ''lonely''.its on my leg.I love it........
It has been raining like most of the summer already wtf??so I hope it won't rain on friday.
I will make another tattoo which will be saying '' Il pleure dans mon coeur.''
I don't know why that quote but I boroughed some poetry books from the library and that quote was in it.and I really loved it.so that's why I want it permanent on my body.
Schools out mf!!!
Oh. God finally.
So after the last exam I went home.my bus came later than I was done with school so I decided to walk in the park.I saw Q.(Boy who's cute and smart and ugh)I walked to him and said hi.and so we started to talk :))).
(Like before the exam he gave me help with learning the exam so yeah)
He's really sweet and open minded.
He knows I smoke.so he asked for a cigarette.he was like aw thanks but you could have said no.(Tbh I wanted to flirt with him so I said:but I could have said yes too)and his smile was literally bigger than his face aww.
We walked and talked about my best friend(u know my ex who's still in love with me) and about that girl who he fucked in the same park we walked in haha ironic isn't it.but aww he's so open minded.
We ran out of things to say(it wasn't awkward at all.it was a good silence basically lol)so I said we could talk about love.
He said there's no love in his live.
Let me change that ok
Haha at the he was like our rodes will stop from here or something like that??(It was way more poetic and romantic than what I wrote)
He thanked me for the cigarette and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Damn boy u may kiss me hard on my face.
It was my dads birthday today.tomorrow we will have a bbq(its kinda a surprise bc he doesn't know who's coming)so there will be like a lot of people I haven't seen in a verrrrrryy long time,over 4 years.
I don't want to tbh.
I normally should work..I've explained it earlier.sigh I really need money.so tomorrow before everyone arrives I have to clean up and my mom wants to pay me for it lol.
C. Started to talk on tumblr ayyy.
Exams are almost over omg.
Only friday monday and tuesday to go.
Err yeah finally my tablet works again.so I can go on tumblr so much more.I think I'm driving my followers crazy cuz I'm blogging way too much lol.
Like yesterday my work called to say that I can't work until something isn't alright.and that fucked up thing could take up like 6weeks.
Well there goes my money to have a nice summer vacation :(
I was so excited to see my co-worker again sigh.she's beautiful I just can't.
I am totally going to fail math so much.I barely studied for it lol.
Sigh I really am.
My mom wanted to have a talk about everthing and yeah so I sat there listening,looking at the ground.she said that she thinks that I don't like them and not interesting in them.she was like or it is us or something is going wrong in your life.then my sister said its for sure not them.I just sat there saying nothing with tears in my eyes.
Basically she said that she understands that I'm a teenager with teenage problems and now I am in a stressful perios bc exams she said she understand lol no its not fucking that.
I've got more problems.in my head.I need fucking help.that's what went on in my head.but as the cunt I am I say nothing and stare.
My sister said that maybe if this will al go on we will need familytherapy.and then she just laughed it off.so did my mom.
I still stared at the ground.
I don't want it either bc I don't want to open up(especially to strangers)
Ugh I am useless.
Update of monday:I don't feel like sharing too much but my mom and dad punched me.
And I cried the whole night.I wanted to cut myself again(but I didn't??) Instead I burned myself.my french exam went good I mean like it wasn't hard and I've lived for 1year in france so yeah.
Update of today;my exam english went great.I didn't have any problems with like nothing.and I finished as first.but like that girl who doesn't even know the difference between to and too was done after me haha no sit your ass down lol.
I don't know what I'm going to do or how to act when my parents will be home sigh.
God I'm so tired.I barely slept this weekend bc saturday I had to go to work so I had to be awake at 6am.and today I had to wake up at fucking 10 am to eat while I went to bed at 3am.
But I kept thinking about my attractive co-worker and I feel like I have a tiny crush on her..
Idk it may be or not be but I feel like I like her bc I try to forget my ex-girlfriend.does that makes sense????ugh we will see.
I barely studied for my french exam llol ok
I've had my first day and it went great(idk if I said I hoped to get a good looking girl to help me bc I'm new)but I had a verry good looking girl.at first I had a women around 29 years old or so.(Idk she already had kids but she doesn't look old)but she had to go so someone else helped me.
She was really kind.ugh but yeah I hope I see her a lot.
My mom bought a bbq of 200 euros wtf???????????????????????????????????????? No I'm not confused I'm mad.
Oh god you don't even know how happy I am.
I hope I get enough money to but the things I want.I don't know if I still want to spend my money on going on vacation with my best friendooo.
My exams are going so far so good I guess.
Geographic was easy like haha I didn't learn cuz I knew we could use everything.I believe that my teacher is crazy and drunk.
And history went good because I learned much.idk I hope for the best.
But all that's going on in my head is what I'm going to buy lol.
Maybe a laptop or a phone or a guitar or an ipod.
And some albums but what I'm sure of is merch of bands omg yes.
I would like to have a boy or girlfriend for in the summer tbh omfg.that would be awesome..
My first exam went good.
When I got home I studied while I was laying in the sun.
I have self harm scars(from the past) and they are white again like before.ew.
I wore a shirt today at school.only in class though so noone could see my scars.and they wouldn't care if they saw.
My mom and dad and my brother are at a bbq with their friends(which is weird cuz do old people have friends???)But its almost 11pm and they aren't back yet.my brother is 11 so he has to go to bed bc school tomorrow.I'm like worried something is wrong.
Today in class a guy(who's really aggressive)punched me with my own hand like more than 30 times.at first it was soft but it always got harder.everyone off my class were just standing and looking and laughing.then there was this girl(who was laughing the most)decided it wasn't okay.so she got angry and made a scene lol what an attention seeker.like It was fucking me who got punched in the face for more than 30 times!!!
So he stopped and after class he was surprised why is was mad at him??
We had 4hours class.so we could go home before lunchtime.
I normally had to study for my exam tomorrow lol but I didn't do anything.like I ate and it was like 2o'clock.I didn't want to study so whatever lol
I went home from school and my sister(the one I don't like and no one sees her as family)was making a drama(again) of how I stole a fucking CANDLE of her fucking hell!!
My mom was helping her omg.
Its like my family has too much chromosomes of being two faced.
So they were starting to piss me off and I said to my ''sister'' that she doesn't mean a shit to me and that she should die.
I don't care.
She's a living lie.
Sigh I didn't go to lana her concert.
Now let's hope I've got the job bc I didn't go to her concert for the job.
If I have the job(and money) I'm going to buy a laptop(maybe) and going on vacation with my best friends!I at least can dream because life sucks.I keep being sad.
I can't do it anymore.
Woah..
I've been having thoughts about my ex girlfriend how we kiss and she holding me.and laying in one bed.its killing me.
I cried again today.
I need her in my life
Or I won't be alive
Well,I posted a post yesterday saying I will go to lana but we didn't find tickets.
And plus I'm working
Wtf like no I was supposed to go to see lana yoo!!
Me and my ex boyfriend talked today again.I saw it coming on tuesday that we were going to talk again cuz he sometimes tried to have eye contact and stuff.
We talked about yeah idek about what but it felt good.
Omfg I'm going to lana del rey
My dad wanted me to go so he got my mom made up her mind so now we are trying to find tickets.I hope we will find omg yAAAYY
Oh god today was a good day bc my oral exam went good and my cooking exam too.I even got compliments.
But oh right now I feel like my heart will never heal again.I read my ex girl friend and my old conversations.
I broke down.I didn't know I could cry.I only cry in myself.
I don't know if I can go to school tomorrow.
I'm broken.I'm sorry oh
its disgusting that gay people need to fight for (gay)rights
It really is.
In idk 30 years or so kids will be learning in class that gays had to fight for rights they deserve.lol I really hate people.
I have oral exam tomorrow fuck I don't like to talk in big crowds(20 people is big ok)
I'm going to run with my sister yoo
