Next friday,lana del rey will be giving a concert where I live.
I don't have tickets and its sold out already al long time ago.
I've searched for tickets online to buy.
I found one who seems trustfully.But I bet my mom doesn't want to buy it.
Its one ticket so even if she buys it only I can go.I really love lana.ugh sigh I want to go :(
I am going to convince my mom to buy it by saying I will give you the money when I have money,I promise and stuff like you know how much I love her.if this turns out to be fake I've learned my lesson.please please.
But I know how my mom is,though.she will say no,no matter what.
I will give it a shot tomorrow(no today)bc its 1 a.m
Let's pray.
This morning I was stuDYING for the exams and my parents were food-shopping and they got an application for me to get a job!
I filled it in and went with my bike to the shop.Let's hope I've got the job.
Me and my friends were already planning to go on vacation(yes in our country but still cool)
I remember my big sister telling me you can thing that boys and girls are cute.that was 5 years ago.when I was ten.When we went shopping she said that she found that girl gorgeous and that they had nice hair and stuff.when I was ten,I thought that something like that didn't exist.but now,I think boys and girls are cute aswell.
Fact:the first time I found a girl really really pretty was when I was 11.she was my first girl crush.
My oldest sister and her boyfriend(almost 5year together)are here and her boyfriend michael is really rude to her..he sits with us talking and laughing mostly and my sister does the disher like wtf???doesn't you need to sit with us??
My heart hurted again.At lunchtime it started to hurt so much I barely could breathe.
Today was euh..okay?Nothing special.I feel like nothing can sheer me up.I discovered that the contest of going to a concert of demi on the 31 in this month ends thursday.So its good to know that I may have a chance.(I do hope I win)(I love her ay)
But I've come to the point that I realized that I need to study really badly for the exams if I want to pass it.
I would like to study for being a therapist,or something with language(I would like to be a writer,poet,..)Or I would like to be dead.Its one of those 3 things.I may pick the last one.
We had to do our exam french.Not the whole exam but just a little bit??.
Tomorrow,titanic is on the television.I'm excited to see the movie bc honesty I haven't seen the movie yet.But I've seen some gifs on tumblr.(Mmm leonardo is mmmmm)
My ex boyfriend (you see how I don't use best friend anymore??)has a new girlfriend lol she's like way too young for her and she's a grenade.(No this is not jealously)(if you think so you can fuck off)
Update:we still haven't talked.I like it that way.Now I don't get annoyed anymore.Even though I don't have any friends in my class.whatever school is almost over.
But my light of my blackberry is showing orange so that means my phone is almost dead.
It's also late,so I'm going to sleep.
Idk what to write bc my life is so bored.
I went to the library.I got a little book of all the love poems of william shakespeare!!
When I was there,there was this girl who was on the internet and she kept looking at me euh??She wasn't ugly but she basically ate me alive lol.
I still haven't talked to my "best friend".
I don't know how to tell my friends I don't go to lana del reys concert sigh.
I almost got tickets to see demi lovato on the same day lana del rey would be here where I live.but demi lovato gives a concert in london.it would have been awesome that I would be there cuz I do like demi her music(and her as a person).but no I never win anything,literally.
I don't have fags anymore and I neither have money oh,sad life
Oops I literally haven't talked to my "best friend" for 6 days.Well ok.At first I didn't make an effort to talk to him and wait for him when the class ends.And now he isn't.I don't mind.I am not the one who's trying to make the other jealous.lol.
I made macaroni today at school.I really like to cook but not to eat afterwards.I feel full so fast.
At the moment,I am trying hard to study for the upcoming exams and trying to fade my scars.I don't want them.I like them but I don't want them anymore.I will probably relapse again.* year ago or so I tried to recover.after 3 months or so I relapsed and to be honest I like my relapse scar the most..
I feel really tired but I can't sleep.??
I've been flirting with one of my friends(she's a girl.you know the girl I kinda like).ugh I try not to but I maybe think she has a crush on me lol idk I've been best friends with her for more than 3 years..she gives me so much mixes signs
I woke up just like all the other days..I hoped I didn't wake up.But it doesn't work like that. I get it.
I planned to go to the library today but I had to go to the bakery so I was already late to go to the library and then my brother was being a dick.So I didn't want to go there anymore.
I decorated my room.I made a blanket tent of my bed.yay I feel like I'm sleeping outside.
Ew I was watching tv today and it was a marathon of series of young and married and I came to the decision that I will never marry.
But when I slept over my friends house(she's a girl)we watched it too and she was like "I really want to be married young".So my plan is to let her sleep over my place in the summer when I'm home alone(wich won't be too much) and we will watch the show and she'll problably say the same and I will be like "will you marry me??" Hahaa yeah I know but I do like her.but we've been friends for over 3years now.Less than a month ago she said that if something would have happen between us it would have already happen.
No,my lover,it hasn't but it will.
Its weekend so I started to study for the upcoming exames woah..
Idk 2 or 3 days ago my parents went to school to talk about next school year and my teachers said that they have faith in me and that I can do it.we will see but it won't make a differance anyway.(My believes).
I was lying in bed,watching tv and I laughed about something and my heart starts to hurt really badly.its the same pain I have since I was 11.
When I was 12 or 13 we went to the hospital to search what it really was.They still haven't figured it out(everything seemed okay).so life just went on.Every once in a while I have the problem again but now(I'm 15) I am struggling with the problem more and more.So like 15 minutes ago I had it again and it was like this was the end.I thought that it was the end and it felt like it.I couldn't move or breathe so I just lay there in massive pain but 2 or 4 minutes later it was over.oh wow..maybe I'm over acting and such but I think its a serious problem.
Its weekend and basically my first chance to study for the upcoming exams.
I really need to study to pass ugh I just feel like I should have died when I was at my lowest.
I've been down all day today lol and not a single person cared to ask.
I miss to self-harm woah my heart hurts so much.
I don't want it to be summer bc people will see my scars..(And my fat body)
Well whatever I'm done
I've got stress bc in 3weeks I have exams.I need to have good grades to pass.
Life hasn't really changed so I don't know what to blog about #whitegirlprobslmao
My best friend is still jealous bc I talk more with Niels(the guy who's flirting with me,and I with him tbh)than him.I can see and feel it that he's jealous and then he tries to make me jealous by saying things like' 'eh when r we going to meet with the hot chick''to a friend of him really loudly so he's sure I've heard him.sigh I'm getting annoying bc of him.
And he keeps looking at Niels and me when were standing together.
Can it be over yet??
Wow I haven't talked to my best friends today oops.
I normally go by bike to school but it was raining too much so I went by bus and I was waiting on the bus,smoking a fag.and a girl I used to follow on tumblr was there too.I knew she sometimes takes the same bus, too but it was strange that we were alone.(She's a friend of a girl I already had met of tumblr so yeah I know her from the girl)
Sunday, my sister and I ate fries so we went shopping for food and she usually smokes fags but we passed by a spot that smelled like drugs and out of the blue she takes a joint out of her fucking pocket???like euh??
I've got new books(harry potter!).
School started and it was a good day.my best friend and I talked about sex,porn,..it was the first time he was mature about such things.
(I lost 2 followers on tumblr lmao)
A girl in my class(she has the same name as me but written different)its her birthday and I had the idea to watch porn so we all did(2 girls didn't want to watch)(they are kind of the outcast??) and it wasn't pleasant like at all.lol.
Me and my bff wrote on a table.(5months ago)we wrote like things like our name(yes that was stupid) is a lesbian omg.
I like sigarettes too much
this is not a post about lolita(no sarcasm i swear)
Realising that I cannot hold on to the old feelings she forgot hurts.Maybe i should let her go.i dont like her.no i dont.i dont.(he broke my heart you merely broke my life)(oops sorry that was lolita)(but no i swear i wont do it again). My heart is so so tired.
he broke my heart.you merely broke my life;lolita(part 2)
I guess I will finish the book today.
I read my post again I posted before and I noticed I wrote like the writer himself.
But ok.I'm going to write a review from what I've read already.(I am at 222 I guess)
I love how the writer writes his book.It makes me want to read the book more than once.
Humbert and lolita are now on 'vacation' and humbert is getting mad at lolita bc she's talking to guys.(What surprised me was that lolita had a lesbian affair lol)
I guess,what's going to happen in the book(what I got from the quotes) is that they are going to have a massive fight and lolita tries to run away with all the money she has(which isn't a lot)but humbert finds her bc he's so in love with her.but maybe lolita is going to fall in love with him,too??
What I find frustrating in the book to read is that the writer uses lolitas name too much and he gives her more than one nickname too.(YES I KNOW that I basically only say bad things about the book but I'm not going to write all the good things bc that would take forever )
*to be continued*
*smiley face*
As you know,I am reading lolita and I just want to rant about the book.
So,its totally different than I ecxpected.before I read it, I thought it would have been written in lolitas perspective.and I wouldn't have thought lolita is 12 and humbert not that old(how old is he???he can't be over 30??).
But I'm at page 144 things can only get better,right?
I don't understand why Humbert married with lolitas mom:charlotte when he's so in love with the little girl lolita.
I didn't expect it at all that charlotte would die like that I maybe hoped that he would have killed her..for some crazy reason..
I feel like the writer is humbert its weird I guess but how its written wow maybe I'm driving myself crazy that humbert is a phedophile.(So that would mean the writer is,too????)No that's so closed-minded of me.
I didn't really like charlotte bc she was annoying and bc of her I wanted to stop reading.but I'm glad she basically died.
*to be continued*
When I bought fags I drove away to somewhere alone and my heart hurted so much I almost died.It may have hurted so much bc I haven't eaten properly yesterday and today feel so sick and tired.
I have a big desire to talk to C. From tumblr and just meet her in person whaa.
I barely spoke at school because I was reading lolita the whole time realllly love the book
I made pizza my self.its delicious
Yup the weekend has started so I'm going to enjoy it.
so I am automatically over thinking everything I possibly can.
I haven't eaten properly today wow like I've only eaten soup and some cookies and drank abit.
I'm not hungry.wow.for the first time oh yeah its true I ate m&ms after I came home from school lol maybe that's why I feel sick.I took 5 euro(with permission) from my mom and my sister was near me while I took it and she stole 2 euros.I know its not al lot/and I shouldn't be bothered but my parents are having some issues with money so its hard to still see her steal money. My mom seemed seriously happy this evening.I was reading lolita while she was planting plants and stuff.she seems to really enjoy it(that makes me so damn happy to see her enjoy it)
Well I spend like 5 minutes to write this and I feel more sleepy so I'm going to try to sleep.
-To go to school
-after school:buy fags(aka cigarettes)
-bike to somewhere I am alone
-read there
-smoke there
-drink alcohol there
To start the weekend great.
Yup.I.am.excited.
I felt so strange today.
I felt like I was in a dream or a movie or something idk it was weird.like I wasn't there.
I was reading lolita in the morning and my dutch teacher past me by and asked which book I was reading so I let her see the title and she was like 'ohh lo-lie-ta do you like it?'I replied yeah but I didn't really like the begining and my teacher said she didn't understand it either lol.she was smiling as she went away ahh.
At lunchtime my friend fucking did soup on my jacket and it was raining when school was out ugh.we made cookies and soup at school they were okay hah..
we've got like 20 packets of m&ms yayyyy
I felt really good today it was like nothing went wrong only had a really bad headache ugh..
I went to the library and I got some new books:lolita,an abundance of katherines and two other books.I'm reallyyyyy excited to read them all yay!!we don't have school on thursday and friday so I'm already looking forward for wensday to start the weekend.
My best friend is starting to touch me like the whole time sigh he's starting to act like the guy in my class.
A friend told me some choking things about my ex girlfriend I feel bad for her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Lolita the light of my life.
its weekend yay.I havent really done anything but it doesnt matter im still happy :) it was sunny today so i sat in the garden and smoked and listened to music.I am currently watching a tv show named 'catfish'.its about people who fall in love on the internet.i really would love to meet some friends i made on the internet.but the only difference between my life and the tv show is that i am sure they are really the peron they say they are bc i have met them on tumblr(its a blog lol,basically my life yeah).
