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    Over mijzelf
    Ik ben , en gebruik soms ook wel de schuilnaam Curse Of Me.
    Ik ben een vrouw en woon in (Belgium) en mijn beroep is Full time huisvrouw en creatieve geest.
    Ik ben geboren op 22/10/1983 en ben nu dus 41 jaar jong.
    Mijn hobby's zijn: Muziek, edelstenen en mineralen, creatief bezig zijn, dieren en natuur, koken, voeding.
    Writing down what goes in my head and life.
    13-09-2015
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Vegan!
    For a while now, I've been living vegan. 

     

    That was only natural for me to start living a vegan lifestyle. It's got good health benefits and I really needed that. Other then that, I don't have to deal with the guilt anymore of supporting mass production of animals.

    I dislike mass production of any kind of food and I hate how even our veggies and fruit are sprayed with so many chemicals, the ground is worked with so many chemicals and on top of that: GMO's!! Like, for real? What the hell is humankind thinking?

     

     They genetically manipulate everything. What's wrong with all natural?

    I try to buy as much organic as possible. But I have worked on farms (vegetable farming) and I know what 'organic and biological' means in my country... The label cannot be trusted. The bruised apples that comes from the same tree as the apple that has been sprayed with chemicals, goes under the name of biological and organic, so it can be sold more expensive...

    That's disturbing.

    I can rant a long time about our food, the big food corporations, the pharmaceutical corporations and so on... it's a big issue for me.

    If I think about it, most likely I've been ill all my life, because of all these chemicals in our food, the synthetic supplements we must use to maintain a good health etc...

    How misinformed we all are and how much 'they' frighten us when we want to use all natural food (as in: go into the Woods, pluck your own and enjoy your meal), because all natural must be bad for your health. There's even messages being spread that too much veggies and fruit aren't good for your health at all. But shitloads of meat and dairy is? How about those scientifical reports that show that a lot of people actually get ill because of their consumption of animal products? Why do we need to ignore them???

    I love living vegan!

    I love eating alltogether off course. I would eat all the time, if only my body would allow me (oh my jaws!!).

    Soon I'll get new teeth and hopefully a dental aid to stop me from grinding my teeth, perhaps then the constant inflammation of my jaws will stop once and for all and I'll be in less pain and able to eat so much more (looking forward to this, but not the surgery haha).

    I've been doing some research on good vegan food. But all is focussed on people losing weight.

    Thing is, I cannot afford to lose any more weight. I'm one of the few who want to gain weight, as quickly as possible. Not by eating unhealthy off course.

    I've fought too hard to become as healthy as I am right now. I can walk again, even rode a bycicle again a while ago. There's so many things I can finally do again.

    Still a long way to go, but I have faith my health can still improve.

    So far, I'm without the opïod painkiller for an entire week now! Yay :D Good on me! I must be doing something right!

    Some help with info for good meals, that don't cost much effort but do give me the nutritions I need, the energy that I need, the calories I need etc, would be awesome.

    Prepping food isn't as easy for me as it is for a healthy person! Sometimes it costs me so much energy, I'd rather be hungry (hasn't got anything to do with being vegan, have been doing this for a long time, because I need to spare my energy!).

    But there isn't exactly anyone out there with good advice on very quick meals high in calories and good nutritions to help me out. All info and recipes are based on people who can stand on their feet. But there's days even a walk to get me my coffee, is too hard... How would I be able to stand on my feet and prep a meal? I need easy meals right now, as a back-up for the bad days in my life (medically speaking then).

    It's not like I can make some energy appear to do this.

    I reached out to a lot of vegan sites, both on and off Facebook, but... no help.

    I signed up for coahing, but nothing happened.

    Ah well, yet another road I'll have to travel alone.

    I'll get it done eventually!

     

     

    Food worries aside for now.

    Other things are on my mind right now.


    X

     

    13-09-2015, 10:59 Geschreven door Curse of me  
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    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Let's try again.
    I've had a blog before, but because of people with the wrong intentions, I had to remove it.

    Not for them off course. I don't care about them.

    Their actions though, that would cause harm for my child, that, I do care about. Thus, I removed my previous blog and started all over again.

    I just love to get things out of my head, thus, starting a blog again, outside social media, looks like something I could really use.

    Hope I can keep this going without troubles!

     


    13-09-2015, 09:27 Geschreven door Curse of me  
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    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Pondering thoughts


    Ponderings of the latest weeks.

    A lot of things have happenned.
    As always I guess. In my life, it's never really quiet, unless I'm extremely ill and lie on the sofa or bed all day long.
    But, even those days are over, at least, the ever-lasting days of not being able to move.

    I'm glad summer is over.
    It sure was an eye opener.
    I removed some so-called friends from my life. I still don't know why they wanted to 'use' me. I mean, of what value can I be?
    Those so-called friends were 'spiritual' people. But all they really did, was dragging me down in their mess, a lot of gossiping, manipulating etc. How is that spiritual?
    And don't forget the jealousy and hatred towards each other!
    It took me a while, but after the so maniest lies I caught a few people on, I just called it quits.
    Just push that 'remove friend' button and no longer ask any questions. It's not like I'm gonna get the answers I really want anyway.
    That chapter is closed.

    Not spirituality on its own off course. One doesn't just stop being spiritual.
    I don't feel the need to practise on it though.
    Why would I want to read tarot cards, use my pendulums daily, try to get in contact with whatever god or angel? Nah...
    And I certainnly don't feel for connecting with spirits.
    Most spiritual working people do so, for helping other people.
    But... The thing is, I don't really like people, not all people off course, but most of them.
    So why would I want to try something that would me putting myself available for all kinds of people all day and night long, trying to lend them a hand, when in fact, I'd be the one being stabbed in the back.
    As if there are really so many greatfull people out there? Hell no.

    I tried to join a coven just before summer too.
    It was a very pleasant meeting.
    But aparantly one of the members, someone I used to be friends with, found I wasn't putting in enough effort.
    Because I'm not able to drive my car for about an hour or so, and then join a meeting that lasts a few hours and then being able to drive home safely. I still cannot do that on a regular basis.
    I told her so, I wouldn't be able to attend every week, most likely not even every month.
    For one or another reason, she got offended by that.
    Started giving me a hard time.
    I called the high priestess to apologise I wasn't present at a certain event. I lost the adress and realised too late (typical me), I tried to call and I've sent a text message, but preps were already going on, so she missed my calls off course.
    But, she didn't find it a problem.
    She said I was welcome whenever I wanted. But I told her about that 'friend' and it didn't make me feel good knowing I'd join a meeting where there's at least one person that started hating me over something extremely petty.
    Thankfully she understood that.
    That chapter's done and over with too.
    I'm still invited to join in whenever I want, apparantly some did enjoy my presence, but ... I mean... No, such a long drive, so much energy to put into it, just to be told off later on? Nope. Just a big nope. I'd rather spend my time in different ways.

    My relationship took a turn for the worst this summer.
    I haven't told a lot of people about it.
    Simply because I'm ashamed that the same thing has happened again. It's nothing new.
    But you know, if you love someone and care for them, you try to make it work.
    Seems like I'm the only one who wanted it to work.
    I let him knows on several occations it wasn't going well and I wasn't feeling good at all about the way he was treating us. Not at all!
    But, he just walked away, again.
    So, I told him to stay away, unless he really wanted to work on the relationship for the better.
    Guess what? I haven't seen him since! Not in my house that is.
    I went to visit him though, but our main conversations went through text messages. How stupid is that?
    Anyhow, he chooses to live a life where he doesn't get to see us, doesn't need to spend time with us and he just doesn't want any more conflicts (and just paying a bill seems to be a conflict??? just spending quality time together: yes, conflict... Ah well... fuck it then).
    There's more to say about that relationship gone to waste.
    I can complain a lot.
    But it is my own fault it lasted this long to begin with!
    As I said, not the first time we got to this point, but I always thought: hey, it's love, perhaps if I just try a bit harder, things will work out. I don't want to be the one who quits too soon or with every lil bump in the road.
    But I should have ended it so much sooner.
    So much heart ache I would NOT have had.
    And my son would have been spared too!
    I've been selfish and extremely stupid.. Why the hell did I think he'd want to spend his life with us?
    He usually acts as if we are so extremely stupid, dumb, a burden and doesn't want to do things with us at all.
    And towards me: c'mon, he didn't even want to look at me... Hold me, touch me. Kisses, what it that for a weird beast? Nope, even that didn't excist in our 'relationship'.

    He was basically a sack of potatoes (a very grumpy one) sleeping in my bed during the day, waking up late in the afternoon or in the evening, then occupying my sofa and being grumpy all over again, popping pills (pain meds) and being angered when I wanted peace and quiet in the evening (I do wake up in the morning and try to live a life, so I'm tired at night... and I usually like to go to bed at night you know).
    He just watched tv and when the tv didn't work or didn't record sth he really wanted, it was quite a big drama...
    Pff it's just a tv show! Or just a movie! It's not like you can never ever see that again.
    And there are other things to do then just watching tv...
    Our main conversations?
    Actors, movies, shows, what happened in the movies or shows, how it sucks that a certain tv show didn't record. Yes, even fights if I had erased something that I watched, not knowing he wanted to see it too... Oh my, big drama (for real?? yes!).

    I'll probably write about this again some time.
    Just to get it off my chest.

    Right now I need to get my mind set on other things.
    I'm going to answer my dear friend via mail.
    She always puts a smile on my face and warms up my heart.
    Such a lovely soul and I'm so very blessed I met her and she still wants to be in contact with me.
    Perhaps one day, I'll get to meet her!

    More writings soon to follow, off course not all about my by-gone relationship.
    That would get extremely boring hehe. Even I'm bored with it.

    X



    13-09-2015, 00:00 Geschreven door Curse of me  
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    I wish I could tell you

    How I feel

    I wish I could tell you

    How I experience this world

    I wish I could tell you

    What my life is all about

    But sometimes

    Even I'm in a loss of words

    To describe what's going on in my head

    To describe the feelings I feel

    I wish I could tell you

    Exactly who I am

    But if I could

    Would you really want to know?

    For now I'll keep on dreaming

    Working hard and striving for the best

    For I'm sure I can still make a better me come to life.





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