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It's been a while since I've done some writing for my blog.
Mainly because I simply did not have the time. A lot of things have happened in the meanwhile though!
Good things, a lot of good things.
First of all, I finally broke up for good with my ex partner. It was about time, that's for sure. Looking back, even though it hasn't been that long, I wonder what took me ages to put this to an end. I mean, why did I keep the door to my heart open for him? He hasn't done much good to me the past years and certainly not the past year.
He was with me in hard times, true, but I felt alone, lonely, unwanted, so often... That should not be the case.
I kept on hoping things would turn out fine, even though I was miserable, my child was miserable, even he was miserable, but just didn't want it to be over for good... We had been down that road before and that didn't end well. It never ended well.
I'm not gonna badmouth him, because he did do a lot of good things for me and my child, we did have amazing moments and I was deeply, madly in love with him. More then he was ever in love with me. I wanted him more then he wanted me. That's for sure.
But...
I closed that door for good.
And it was a good thing, a very good thing!
I already wrote about meeting someone else. I was a bit hesitant to name things like 'love', 'relationship' and so on. Because it's all so very new and we're just getting started.
But truth is, I am in love, deeply. Not 'madly'. But gosh, this man (and a man he is!!) has stolen my heart. With him, I feel like coming home, my mind is at ease, I find peace within myself, I feel courage to take on life, I'm not afraid to think of a future with someone.
I always thought I'd never ever think about living together with someone anymore, seeing how that turned out before and I do need my personal space and I think sometimes people get on my nerves way too fast.
But for some reason, it's just working out, as if we've been doing this for years. Okay, perhaps not for years, some things are still 'new', things like knowing the other person's bills and income, are not a subject of conversation yet, because it doesn't matter. We have to like each other for who are, not what we earn. I know enough when I know he pays his bills, has got enough money to take care of himself etc. What more do I need to know now about the financial part? Absolutely nothing! We're honest towards each other though, but actual numbers and figures, is something that only needs to be known when we actually start doing these things for each other and make serious plans for the future together. Not there yet :P
But.. As I was saying, things are going well. We spend a lot of time together and I don't get annoyed with him. Even though he snores! And he's got a runny nose right now, but I haven't felt annoyed yet (who knows, that can come in time haha).
Seriously, something about him makes me feel very secure, at ease.
We eat together, sleep together,, shop together, go out together, watch tv together. And it's all good. It's more then good.
Where has he been all my life?
We've got the same intrests in everything so far and same opinions, views on the world, same morals etc.
And gosh, can we talk to each other! It's like we never stop talking. About anything. No subject seems to be taboo and that's amazing. I don't feel ackward adressing anything at all. And it seems it's the same the other way around. Whatever needs to be said, gets to be said.
Off course it's all still very frail and new and exciting and we're at this stage we're longing to be together all the time. But I don't mind, this can last a while, I'm enjoying every part of it.
He's also very good look, oh yes he is!
He smells good and it's amazing to lay in his arms, oh my...
He makes me smile, more then I ever thought I'd do in a day. I never thought it was possible to wake up with a smile on my face, but a relaxed, comfy smile you know, like-this is the good life and I feel great-kinda smile. When my day gets rough, I can talk to him and he makes it all a little less harder, or better, easy to deal with.
I haven't had a morning mood since we're together. He's comfortable to be around.
He takes care of me, in ways he shouldn't even do. Since it's all very new, he shouldn't worry about certain things. But he does and he puts his money where his mouth is at, when he says he's gonna do something to help me out (even though it's just a kiss or hug or a text, you know, even the simple things) he does so! He sure as hell keeps his word, so it's nice to have someone trustworthy I can rely on.
He seems to be strong, both physically and mentally. And I care especially about the mental part. He's not numb, off course. Couldn't be with someone who is. But he's strong. He's a fighter. He doesn't want to let life get him down and he doesn't want me to let life get me down. He seems to be the kind of person, when I don't have the strength to face something, he's gonna do it for me. No, that's wrong, he wouldn't exactly do it FOR me, he'd make sure I get the courage and energy to fight again. He wouldn't allow life to get me down, in any way. How amazing is that?
I feel like he's genuine about everything thus far and that's releaving.
What I see, is what I get and I totally like what I see.
Somehow it seems like he wants me to be with him as badly as I want to be with him. And yes, that is a surprise for me, because no one ever wanted to be with me like this, apreciated me like this.
He says I'm good looking, I mean, he actually thinks I'm good looking! He wants to be seen with me. He loves it when I make sure I look good for my man and yes, he does look at me then. Waauw! A man looks at me, in THAT way, oh myyy :)
There's so many things going right in this new relationship, it feels like we've been at it for months already and we know each other for years, a lifetime. For now, it feels like we are meant to be together and there's no one I'd rather be with.
I'm happy right now. Very happy. And very courageous looking at the future.
I'm totally in for planning a future with this man and living my current life with him.
So many things to enjoy. Really, I'm not used to this!
I don't want to lose him.
He gets along with my son as well and my son likes him too. That's very important too off course.
This is going to work out, it has to, because it all feels too good. He's soothing my demons, calms my mind, completes my soul, gives me courage, uplifts my self esteem in ways that I deemed impossible, is such a support, has respect for me.
I'm happy and blessed with everything going on my life right now, even though some things are a struggle, it's nothing I can't face. This year started off really well!
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