Hey,

 

I can't go with you. I feel totally unable to connect with you and find it very depressing. I need stability, but I must accept that I won't have this for a long time still. I'm not quite in control of my emotions, yes you're incredibly attractive, but I'm sure you'll stay that way for a long long time. It's best I stay away from you, because it makes it harder. I so badly want us to connect, but it's so unrealistic that I'm continually thrown from one emotion to the other. I'm experiencing what it must be like to be a manic depressive. I guess in normal circumstances, it would have been natural to ask you to go with me to this gig, but I'm really sorry that that isn't quite the case. I'm sure you realize this too. You're no fool. I just want to say that I really appreciate you, in every way, you're so cool and understanding and wise and cute, but we're so not compatible, and I know you think then why not just drop it, but I'm not quite in control of my emotions and life even at the moment.

 

I have this really big soft spot for you, and it's crazy but I'd do just about anything for you, but you got to accept me as a pain in the ass sometimes and it's not fair to ask that of you. You see how messed up I am? And about the jealousy thing, you're absolutely right, I get jealous and that's just unacceptable, to everyone involved. I shouldn't covet what's not realistic anyway. I should let go, but it's so hard for me sometimes (together with one guy for 14 years!) I'm sorry, I can't relax around you even though I try oh so hard. I wish things were a little different, but I guess I just gotta give it time. Things won't stay like this forever, I know. Maybe someday there will be room for us to connect more easily, I really think there is something there, however far it is tucked away at the moment. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we all have unrealistic expectations.

 

Anyway, for what it's still worth, I do love you even if I have a very peculiar way of showing it. Take care xx