I feel great today. I know I'm in love with this guy, he says he's fond of me but not in love. I feel that's ok, I can handle that. I mean, I'm really happy at least that he's fond of me! I didn't expect to hear that at all. Maybe y'all think I'm silly or something, but I'm a complete dope when it comes to reading someone else's mind. Fond means he cares a little at least, and ok, I care a lot, but it's more like I really really care about him and want him to be happy. I think I'm willing to "wait" forever. I don't need anybody, therefore I can wait for as long as, well, forever I guess. That's how I feel. It's a relief. I don't need to find anybody to replace him, to help me fall out of love with him. No, not anymore. I've told him my feelings, and now I'm going to show him just how fond I am of him. I'm not going to do anything necessarily, I'll just love him more confidently now, since I've admitted to myself that that is how I feel about him. You see, I didn't understand my feelings before. And if it takes me forever, then so be it. He'll remain my muse for the rest of my life. I can love him, without wanting anything in return. Seriously, I'm really convinced of this now. Go ahead laugh. He's someone I wish to protect always, to care for, from a distance if that's what he wants, I'll be sort of like his guardian angel or something.
I shouldn't think what he's thinking but I do it anyway. I'm stubborn like that.
Work today was ok, sort of. I didn't talk to him at all, but we said hello in a nice way. I ignored his gaze, but it was difficult to not think about him. We did accidentally look into each other's eyes, and my god I'm so in love with him, why did I not realize this sooner? Before I completely screwed up? He's really trying to be nice to me without giving me the wrong impression, it's kinda sweet to watch.
I'm trying to tell myself not to be jealous when he's chatting up some girl. Actually, what I do is, I try to concentrate on something I'm busy doing anyway, so that I don't get involved at all.
There's one horrible thought that really really bugs me, and it's that when he makes other colleagues laugh, that I think Why can't we have that? And then yes, I feel jealous. How do I get rid of this most horrible feeling?? I will still need to figure that out.
Maybe I can think one of these thoughts: - Colleagues having fun, I love this work place!! - The situation is funny, I love it - He's just so adorable
Yeah, I will need some practice though...
He thinks he can't make me laugh... that's what's missing, that's why (possibly) he's not in love with me. I think, from reading compatibility of star signs, that it's because my lack of enthusiasm for the things he does. I'm too self-absorbed probably
It's the way I am, I'm not ashamed of it or anything, I just think it's a real shame that he really needs that in a woman and that he doesn't believe we can have a fun relationship. Maybe he's right, maybe I'm too serious about the whole thing, but for me this is now no game anymore, I'm utterly madly deeply smitten with the guy.
