It sits on the chair before me. And I like it there. We've been friends for as long as I can remember. Yes, friends. Probably something more than just friends. I can't imagine my life without it. It's there whenever I need it, and has never left my side. It's there when I'm happy, It's there when I'm sad. When I'm sad, it keeps me from falling completely, when I'm happy, it keeps me from turning manic. It takes off the tops and stuffs all the lows.
It's brutal how I've come to love it, given that I used to hate it. It has become part of me. It's there when I wake up, and stays with me when I go to sleep. It has shared each and every experience with me, for the past 6 years. It lifted me up from the darkest of places, and shot me down from the highest hills. It sits before me day by day, and keeps me busy. It speaks to me and I to it. It listens to me, and I to it. It understands me, and I it. It, is hard to describe. It, is waking up feeling nothing, going about your day, and falling asleep feeling nothing. It, makes you not remember your dreams. It, makes sure you never live them. It, makes you resent it, but in a melancholic way, you can't fathom being apart. It greets all unhappy with the same indifference. It greets all pain with the same numbness. It is a shoulder to cry on, it's a soothing lullaby. It shuns all happy with the same disregard. It blocks out all love and happiness the same.
I look at it, and it at me. It is my demon. It sits motionless, emotionless. "Haven't we grown apart already?" I say fiendishly, trying to gauge any response, to no avail. "Haven't you destroyed enough yet?" "Have you not taken from me, the things I hold most dear?" Vehemently questioning, the barrage of accusations was relentless, but it did not budge. I could feel the anger and pain flow through me. Wave after wave crashing, until the tears streamed down my face and I collapsed to my knees. As I fall, it lifts itself from the chair, and reaches out its hand to me. It helps me up, and I feel the dread leave my body. It hugs me and I feel safe, and it sits back down again.
"I can't leave yet." It says. I know, I think to myself, and I know it knows too. "I need her.", I say, as my voice turns brittle. "No you don't. You don't need her. You rushed in too fast. Emotion struck. It didn't work out. It happens." "But it felt so real. It feels so real. That simple feeling of being loved, is so addictive. It's so exhilarating, enthralling."
"All that's left now is an awkward greeting, everything I liked about her is gone, and I want it back. To just pretend as if these last two weeks didn't happen, won't happen and will never happen. I miss her. I miss her personality, the way she lifted me off my feet. I miss the way her eyes stared into mine, and how her smile made me fearless. How her touch took away all of my insecurity, and replaced it with a warmth of her own."
It made no intention of talking, it had no reason to. It understood, and that was all I needed.
"What a strange being you are, God knows where I'd be, If you hadn't found me, Sitting all alone in the dark."
