My own battle against a lot of feelings. I claim nothing and I don't care if you don't like what I write so if you'd like to be negative, you won't be more negative than what I've already been through.
10-02-2016
A start
We have to start somewhere.
First of all I'll explain something of myself:
To begin I'll write most of the things in English for jsut the fact that I feel comfy with it. I'm starting this blog for trying to settle my thoughts, since that's what has to happen these days.
I'm a boy with the age of 20 who has been though some rough this, well for me they are rough, some people might have had worse this. Some people always say I've been through nothing. But for me it's been a rough road, where IK'm trying to change my path and go down the other end of it. Like somone once told me, on the end of the pit there will be a stairway to heaven. I'm a student in Belgium so my native language is dutch, but I rather feel comfy with English, although it ain't super ;).
Though my blog you'll find some more details about me and what happend to me. But I'll start off saying some clue's that might be handy.
As first I got bullied for a couple of years by a "friend" I trusted to much much. On a certain walk on hollidays in primary school, I told him about my uncle who commited suicide. Through the 2 years after he has been bullying me about saying stuff like "Go get in the coffin with your uncle", just stuff like that. Later on he figured out that wasn't a smart idea since his grandfather died and came to me saying sorry. Although his bullying didn't stop, now it just was less violant. On later years I figured it was just him being jealous about me getting along with he best friend.
In primary school I got bullied a lot but I couldn't care less now, they bullied us about being wierd, playing games on the play field. games who related to video games, fe, we started shooting eachother wit h imagenairy guns.
In october 2010 I lost my soulmate, Tessa, where I rather now don't tell more about, perhaps I will later on. I had her in my arms dieing, totally covered in blood.
I think thats it about my past for now.
These days I feeling rather bad once again. Not by bullying anymore, not about not having friends. I know I have some friends now. But I rather not complain to them all the time, just put up a fake smile and try to make the best of it. I know some of my friends want me to be happy and tell me stuff like everythig will be alright. Actually everybody says that, and I'd like to believe what they say but every little bit of happiness in my life is getting held down by me feeling worse.
Some people might know but I believe in spirits staying in this world, people not really leaving this world and staying close to those they wanne be with. You might think that is strange but through my blog posts you'll notice that I still feel Tes being with me through difficult time, like she's sitting right beside me.
Now a little More about the reason for this blog.
I'll be writing down how I feel and how I'm trying to manage my feelings, making sure to stay on this world and help people like I always try to do. On the other hand of the blog I'll post some qoutes I wrote myself and some I might find on the internet through my fight against everything. I like to write and it makes me settle down a bit, there might be some twisting things in it but that's just like me. I'd like to visite some abandoned places as well and take pictures while I'm there so I'd might share those.
For those who rather chat with me, you can always mail me and I'll reply. Together with reactions on posts I'd like to be interactive with people and might helps some people.
That's it for now, I know it's a little long and not well organised but I'll try to work to better blog posts through my posting.
