wat er in me omgaat , wat ik leer, en voel...
12-02-2009
i was painting the badroom, but ass i started it went wrong!
i was doing it with a roler, it should be easyer!
but when i came over a spot where i already had been, the paint came of!!!
so i could see the damn bleu paint again!
I desided to put a verry small cote of paint over the complete wall.
and today i will put on a second cote , i hope the paint wont come of any more!
the tiles are beautifull. i like the result! they were bleu, old bleu! jakie!!!
i putted on a primer so the paint would stik to it!
now i painted them in white and they look like new!
soon i will put some pictures on my space here!
but i do not have a digi cam from myself , and have to wait till all the pictures are taken to put them on a cd , so i can put them on here!
you'll all have to wait a while to see the result , and the work.
i desided to make something special of my toilet, it wont stay completely dark, i will do something with it , but don't yet know what!
i'll let you know when i have an idee.
or if anyone has an idee, just let me know!
12-02-2009 om 23:10
geschreven door Titin
yep the next step!
yesterday i've been cleening all the walls of the badroom and toilet!
it was a terible job, my arms still hurt!
afterwards i started painting the walls from the toilet!
thats the smalest room of the house , but soon it will ass wel be the darkest room of the house!
the colour i chose is a little darker than i expected!
we where laughing with it, and i said , it might be a dark room, but it wil be calming!
a friend of mine who was helping( erik) said : hey cool, then you can make your meditation room of it!
we laughed with it!
i said: soon it will not only be the smalest room of the house (thats how we caal the toilet) but also the darkest room! erik siad: even cooler , now you can also develop your pictures there! it will be a multi finctional room!
so peoples i have the most multi functional toilet of the world!!!
if you think that painting a toilet is an easy job your wrong!
it is a terible job! you have to be careful not to paint the pot! make sure you don't touch the pipes!
all kinds of corners! damn! not easy!!!
but it a beaty!
next to the toilet is the badroom!
that will be the lightest room of the house!
she will be completely white! not easy cause there were blue tiles in there, so i had to paint them ass well!
it will be like heaven!
not yet finished , but today she will be ready!
i hope the workers kome to put my new floor soon, ones he is laid i can start moving!
most of the appartment is done, exept for the hall and the meditationroom!
but i can live in it while finishing that of!
so i leave it to this for today!
tomorow more!
12-02-2009 om 23:09
geschreven door Titin
yesterday i went there round elevn in the morning.
i cleaned the badroom, i cleaned the rest of the windows,
i had to buy some special paint to make sure that spots wont be seen after we painted!
so i bought it and putted it on the wall where neccesary.
my neighbour,from upstairs came and asked me if i wanted to have lunch together wit her!
so i took the offer.
i also prpared the wals for the evening, i already did the corners and the borders so we could go fast with the rollers in the evening.
it was a succes. we painted four walls in less then an an hour!
but unexpected i had to change my plans .
i wanted to do the back of the livingroom in the lightest colour but i did not have enough paint, so i had to do one wall in a darker colour.
it is not a disaster! it is nice! realy!!!
eric a friend of mine who has been helping from the beginning, has filled some holes in the badroom,
the toilet and already, i wath i call the meditationroom.
so today i will clean up the badroom, and the toilet. and maybe i even paint the toilet already!
tomorow i go and buy paint for the badroom, and i will start painting it!
the works are going fast! realy fast! i did not expect it, but i will be living there by next week i think!
if they come and deliver the new floor soon it might even be sooner!!!
i hope so!!!
with love h.elfke
12-02-2009 om 23:08
geschreven door Titin
it hit me ass a bomb!
a minute ago i was still running around,
like a butterfly in the wind,
my hair playing with the clouds.
now i sit on the ground,
and i cant get up,
it hit me ass a bomb,
it always does.
it takes me down,
makes me weak,
as i least expect it,
it strikes me down.
i cant seam to fight,
i cant even speak a word,
all i can do,
is sit,
and wait till its over.
and when it is over,
i have to be glad,
make sure i have fun,
and dont ever think of it again.
12-02-2009 om 23:06
geschreven door Titin
yesterday i have cleaned the windows,
specially thoes in the cicken wher verry
dirty.
all of them acctualy.
we have cleaned all of the dust out of the livingroom, and washed everything.
and started painting it.
i'me proud to say i chose the right colors it is beatifull!
today we are going to paint the rest of the living, cause it is in two parts.
now i leave you all but i will let you know what happens.
with love
hapy elfke
12-02-2009 om 23:05
geschreven door Titin
After one week of labor and hard work
i give you a resume of what has been done ,
and has to be done.
my kichen is completed,
exept for a frige , the newfloor and all of my stuff
a friend of mine filled all the wholes in the wall, even the smalest!
me and some other friend painted everything.
for the rest everything still needs to be doen , i let you know later today what we have acchived
12-02-2009 om 23:04
geschreven door Titin
i think we all know this song!
but i don't only know the song ,
i experienced it.
i have signed my papers today for my new appartment!
so from now on, i'll be livving on my own.
i'me happy for it,
its a great appartment,
it is light, there 's a lot of space, and it is just realy bigg and beatyfull.
tonight or this afternoon, i 'me gone buy some paint to paint the walls
and i hope next week i can move in!
ok so now this is a point of change in my life.
i won't have my mum anymore to wine or to argue with!
she won't be able to tell me what to do and stuff.
i'me verry happy and
i know i will make the best of it.
believe me the best has never been betther!
12-02-2009 om 23:02
geschreven door Titin
ass i walked through my small
dark and lonely world,
there was something ,
a small ray of light tikkeld my nose.
so i looked up, and guess what
i saw clouds ,
the darkest clouds you've ever seen.
i thought ,
iff even god gave up on me, than why should i still fight?
i didn't want to fight annylonger.
so i gave up and wrote my previous weblogitem.
for several days i lived in a even darker world of pain,
and lonlyness.
but one night,
when i least expected it!
something came to me!
it was not a person, it was not an annimal
it was not even an elf.
it was more like a dream, untouchable!
the little being in the dream,
looked old, verry old ,
but o so nice, and gentle!
it said to me:
"somethimes, we have to put some clouds up.
so you, in your search for light would put up your head!
and ass you put up your head,
you will see the beauty of the small but strengthening light of the stars!
grown ups somethimes laugh with a kid who blows a kiss to the stars,
but we forget to look up .
if you would, you would notice the softness and strength they give back!"
so the next evening,
before going to bed i did what the little being told me!
i blew a kiss to the stars and waited.
it felt great ,
all of a sudden i felt like all the stars where my friends,
they all understood me, and supported me!
and all of a sudden i realized
that one is never alone!
i wrote this in a fantasy version,
it is not what realy happened, but someone special
made me realize that i'me not alone!
and i thank you all for your support and warm words!
love you all!
12-02-2009 om 23:01
geschreven door Titin
I wanna dissapear,
just dissapear in the dark.
Like a small candle in the night,
that doesn't mean a thing.
some peoples will morne about me,
but most would be glad.
glad that i'me gone,
gone in the dark, with all my problems.
problems they caused,
they caused because they just dont understand.
they just dont understand my small dark world.
a world of pain anger and fear.
fear to do what i do.
the things i do are hurding, breaking and destroying.
destroying all, what is ment to be good and beatifull.
all i want is to dissapear
so can no longer hurt, break or destroy!!!
12-02-2009 om 23:00
geschreven door Titin
I look in the mirror,
and guess what i see?
it feels like,
i look in the eyes of a strainger.
i see someone,
but that one is notthing like me.
I feel like touching that person,
it feels cold and strange!
ass i look, i feel pain,
pressure on my shoulders.
why?
why?
why?
why does it hurt,
why do i make it so difficult
for myself?
why cant i just accept who i ame?
12-02-2009 om 22:58
geschreven door Titin
i am afraid,
afraid of loosing controle,
afraid of love,
because it might hurt me .
afraid of myself
because i can't get a grip on myself!
afraid of my thoughts
because they could take over!
afraid to show my feelings,
because i feel like they're gone take over controle.
i'me afraid to lose myself,
but actualy i don't even know myself .
12-02-2009 om 22:56
geschreven door Titin
Earth is our mother
12-02-2009 om 22:55
geschreven door Titin
terug van weggeweest!
heel veel rust weinig mensen,
en veel gedachten!
eerst leegte en onzekerheid.
dan boosheid, en twijfels.
Nu nog steeds twijfels,
maar ook maar boosheid
moest plaats maken voor berusting!
rust en vrede, en zekerheid
zekerheid over de juiste gang van zaken!
12-02-2009 om 22:54
geschreven door Titin
let it be,
let it be ass it is.
We must leave it untouched,
just like the seed
The seed that has settled
settled in the darnes of the earth .
to surrender , in silence and darknes,
lonlynes and suffering.
many peoples,
also need this thime of darknes and suffering.
but we must let them be ,
for they need this time to grow.
cause it is in this silence and darknes,
that the seed found the strength,
strength to grow become the most beautifull
and whelty flower!
12-02-2009 om 22:29
geschreven door Titin
Saying goodbye,
is like closing, and
wraping whats past,
with soft fingers,
in good thoughts
for the memorie...
to acquiese in the knowlege
of a piece of live.
stand stil in you're thoughts
by the higts en lows
of pain and joy.
saying goodbye,
is taking everything
what's worth
in sadness and
with tankfull hands
so you never forget.
It is difficultly releasing yourself
out of wires
and leaving the cobweb
of the past
and not beeing able to forget...
living is,
(already from bearth)
constantly saying goodbye,
releasing,
to go on.
losing yourself,
to find yourself.
taking the risk of a grain,
to bear fruits.
saying goodbye,
is the most dufficult thing in life.
you will never learn!
12-02-2009 om 22:28
geschreven door Titin
Ghost of a Rose
12-02-2009 om 22:25
geschreven door Titin
de herfst is weer gekomen,
de tijd van het jaar om weer stilaan naar binnen te keren,
eens in onszelf te kijken,
voelen, kijken, horen, ...
luisteren naar onszelf,
onszelf , die we zo lang verwaarloosd hebben.
voelen wat we voelen,
welke emoties ons in welke toetand brengen,
kijken naar hoe ons lichaam en ons innerlijk eruit ziet,
horen naar onze gedachten,
allemaal gewoon doen, zonder er komentaar op te geven of erover te oordelen,
gewoon waarnemen, en rust gunnen.
moeder aarde bereid zich daar nu ook op voor.
moeder aarde laat alle vruchten, bladeren, al wat er te oogsten valt?
of het nu goed of slecht is,
alles laat ze los, en keert terug naar binnen.
deze tijd van loslaten en inkeer is nodig,
om ons voor te bereiden op de komende tijd.
de voorbereiding op een nieuwe tijd.
maar eerst moeten we hier door,
eerst loslaten , tot onszelf komen, in onszelf de ware ik terug vinden.
zodat we de winter kunnen beginnen met een schone lei.
12-02-2009 om 22:19
geschreven door Titin
is weer lang geleden,
heb het ook zo druk,
loslaten, veranderingen, ...
eigenlijk gewoon leven!!!
soms valt het me zwaar,
als een trol onder de grond,
in de duistere gangen van moeder aarde.
omgeven door niets dan donker,
zurige geuren, en geen sprankeltje licht!
soms is het een feest,
als een elfje of een vlinder,
zo licht, gedragen door de wind,
spelen met de zonnestralen,
genietend van haar warmte ,
en het kleuren palet dat ze verspreid.
bloemen die geuren ,
als de zoetste honing.
het leven maakt soms vreemde sprongen,
kronkels in de weg als haarspeldbochten.
een wirwar , als de takken en bladen van klimop.
maar voor velen is die wirwar de beste bescherming,
een huis, of steunpilaar!
hij houd soms oeroude muren recht!
maar kan ook een huis slopen!
als een boom, heel gestaag,
voor het blote oog onzichtbaar!
maakt hij vordering.
mensen snoeien , en kappen.
maar onder de grond,
in die donkere aarde,
in samenwerking met diezelfde trollen,
kan hij wegen breken,
en langzaam maar zeker,
berijkt hij zijn doel!
12-02-2009 om 22:18
geschreven door Titin
ik dacht zo bij mezelf,
lang genoeg comedie gespeeld.
tekstjes die niet van mezelf zijn,
gevoelens verdringen,
en doen of alles ok is.
gedaan ermee, t' is genoeg geweest!
ik kom naar buiten en ben het goedlachse meisje,
het zonneke in huis, de kers op de slagroomtaart.
maar achter die glimlach, achter dat lieve meisje.
zit veel verscholen woede , angst en verdriet!
ik durf het er niet uit laten uit angst mezelf te verliezen.
neen niet echt mezelf , maar eerder de controle te verliezen.
ik ben bang dat als ik mijn woede uit ik mensen pijn zal doen,
dat als ik mijn emoties, laat gaan, ik er niet meer uit zal raken.
het is een beetje als een grote afgrond die op de loer ligt,
net voor het donkere hol waarin ik verscholen zit.
ik kan er niet uit, want die afgrond is daar, hij is zo dicht bij ,
soms lijkt het of ik er al in zit!
stiekem, gluur ik eens over de rand,
om te kijken of hij wel echt zo afschrikwekkend diep is.
maar ik duizel al bij een aanblik van een seconde.
ik zou eroverheen kunnen springen,
maar de omvang ervan is te groot.
ik zou een grote aanloop moeten nemen,
maar dat gaat niet, ik zit in mijn hol en erg diep is dat niet.
donker is het daarentegen wel.
ik heb maar twee keuzes.
of ik spring erin, en kruip er langs de andere kant weer uit als dat nog gaat!
of ik kruip langzaam omlaag (met het risico op vallen) ,
om er dan weer aan de andere kant uit te kruipen.
Ik ben bereid te doen wat nodig is, het enige dat ik wil is zekerheid;
zekerheid dat ik er ook weer uit raak.
dit speelt er in de gedachten van een triest,
eenzaam en radeloos smartje!
12-02-2009 om 22:17
geschreven door Titin
Recept om gelukkig te zijn
Neem een kopje opgeruimdheid, met een lepel goede moed,
12-02-2009 om 22:13
geschreven door Titin
