Exactly 4 months to go today... 4 more months before I - we - start the biggest day of my - our - life... What am I talking about? Right, THE Wedding. First one of the friends, first one of the Meert-grandchildren. Second in line of the VDL-clan.
I'm really looking forward to it, and yet... it is frightening. Both of us come from broken homes... Both parental sides can't stand eachother anymore. His family's worse than mine, but still... It is a fact that the four corners of the hall where we will keep our wedding party, will be taken. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know... Time will tell... Sounds still kinda cheery, nobody will realise how much it scares me that the Us will not work out after all... Sinds we started out, I gave everything to Him. Not talking about financial stuff, but emotional. Emotionally I gave my all. At least, when it wouldn't work out, I can't blame myself for not trying, but on the other side... It scares me sometimes too how easily everything can blow up in our faces. The reason my parents split up, I'm afraid to tell... Why? Who knows? After all, it won't be me who'll be to blame, and yet I'm ashamed of the way of how they parted...
Makes me wonder : who will I look after? If it goes to pieces, will I be the one trying to fix things and ignore the awful behavior of my significant other? Or will I be the one who decides to leave as soon as I find someone else?
I don't want to find someone else. I want to be with Him forever... At least, if we keep continuing this way, because I know there are some traits in the families we don't want in our lives...
I keep wondering. Is getting married the right thing to do? Isn't it much easier to stay the way we are? I mean, legally not many things change once you get married. Yes, I would have the dress to prove I had a beautiful (let's hope) day, I would have a ring on my finger, He would have it much easier to claim our children as His, but in the end, is that all that counts?
Why are we women so obsessed by marriage? And mind you, He is just as active as I am in that area, it's almost like He dreamt his whole life of this day. Not in a girly way, cause He really finds girly things disgusting. Don't ever take Him on a shopping spree, or make him clean things, or talk to him a lot about feelings. On the other hand, he does look after his appearance... Hahahahahahha. Not really, he's a true man. Tough, no talking about feelings, not showing too many signs of affection in public (although he was trained well, he does show them, even though it's against his nature. Just trying to please me, I think), etc.
I'm just lucky, I guess. Never thought I'd be the one getting married. I was the one who was going to stay single all her life. Move to a foreign country, trying to learn everything possible, no time to think about how lonely life can be as a single. I was not the one to buy a home, talk about children, getting all worked up for that one big white day, ...
And yet, I'm exactly that girl I decided I could never be. Who knew?
