This is a rather early post, thinking about the fact I'll try to get in bed earlyer then yesterday. 

Sorry for the shorter post yesterday, well not sure if everypost will be long tho ;) But I'll have to explain some stuff from yesterday. I'm lately having problems sleeping, not sure what the problem tho, It's like I'm constantly having nightmares. Not like the scare stuff of monsters and such, but more like people dieing in front of me while I can't do stuff, people leaving me because I'm stupid. Such things. 

It's not always the same person but it's the same group of persons every night. I think I have about 3 or 4 of those different dreams every night lately which pretty fucks up my mind, sometimes it's hard not to see if it's reality, that's what I'm thinking about all day now. 

On the other hand it makes me think of how much I mean to people. Some of those dreams perhaps are true, some people did leave me. Some people are better without me and ain't looking back to me. That's true, I won't say names but there are people who I cared alot about and helped alot for about 4 -5 years and if you hear them now it's a 3 message long conversation. Hi, how are you ; Hey I'm good ; Oh so what are you up to ? End of the conversation. Stuff like that 

I'd figured out I'd rather stop wasting time on those people, it only gets me deeper in my cave ;). On the other hand, all those memories xs.

I'm now going to talk to somebody and she'll notice it's about here ;).

It's a girl which I'm very happy to have by my side. Although we don't have such a long talks and you are a very busy person, but I know you care. I know it ain't easy for you, you're goign to a rough time right now but know you are an inspiration to me. The things you do for that other girl makes me feel like there are people who care about other people. And in some way I'm sad about the fact that I could have done more for Tess, like you keep that girl alive ;). For you it's hard and you are struggling alot to and I know that but you have to know that my phone is on every single second for you , day or night, just ring my phone and I'll pick up. I'm ain't losing you anymore, you can't get rid of me ;).

This night we had a talk and you made it clear to me that you are here for me to, and I know that ;) and you have no idea how much I appreciat that, and how much I love you for that. But remember that any time you struggle text or call me. I'll be here to help you, rather then lose you. 

In the end it ain't about me, it's about me staying alive for a reason and as some people know my main reason to stay alive to is to help other people. And that's what I mostly do. It ain't about me getting some sleep to be rested if someone needs my help I'll stay up all night talking to them untill they sleep and this some of you might have noticed that. I won't be the one ending a chat most of the time. I'll be the one to watch you fall asleep, and if it were possible I'll be the one sitting next to you making sure nothing can harm you. I'd rather watch you sleep then sleep myself it that comforts you. 

As you read through my posts I'd wrote down somthing about pain in my foot let me explain;

Last saterday I have torn a ligament in my right foot so that kinda hurts and makes my foot blue and purple. Some people say I have to stay home to rest but let me counter on this one is the fact that: at work my bosses are like family to me and I can't leave them in this weekend, I can't have them suffer, I'd rather sit in a wheelchair helping in the kitchen than staying at home bored and thinking how would it be over there. Anyway took some medication today and it worked out so tomorrow an 12-14hours shift it will be, just taking some more medication ;).

Sorry for the long post today but it helps settling my mind abit, there is one more thing I'd like to talk about. And that's someone else.

There is this girl I kno for a looooooong time and I bet she knows it's about her ;) Cause I know she want to know when I post. We had a lot of long nights talking and talking about stupid stuff and some tricky stuff in my heart,and she knows. The things is in some way I can settle that down and feelings are getting a place in my heart. I know that one day you'll move out again, once you got work, and I'll have to stop hearing you. And I have a feeling that this day won't be that far anymore. But I just wanne make sure that whatever happens, you can stop talking to me, we had that before for a couple of years. and one day I'll just text you again, like it was yesterday. I just want you to know that you'll have to stop texting me cause I ain't the person you have to fight for with your bf so I'd rather have you leaving me then be unhappy ;) but you know that whenever you need me you can text me. And read my blogs ;)

Anyway goodnight peeps and know that if you are up for a talk, just send me a mail and we'll find a way to talk. No mather if you black or white . Life next door or thousand of miles away. If you read this, there is always a way to communicate ;)