Ik kijk er echt zooo naar uit, 3 maanden vakantie, Calpe (mijn échte thuis in spanje!), zon, bruinen, guapos (= mooie jongens in 't spaans), jaja, zon, zee, sex & friends *
Alle frustraties weg, diploma op zak, gewoon ff verstand op nul en genieten!
Hmmm ik kan gewoon niet uitdrukken hoe hard ik verlang naar die zalige maanden.
Vandaag was al een vele betere dag, wel, buiten de ochtend gerekend. Op school was het weer gezaag à volonté en het deed niet veel goeds aan mijn humeur.
Maar het vierde lesuur ging het bij filosofie over Nietzsche, en de zin "That what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger", deed bij mij weer een lichtje branden.
Want was dat niet één van mijn motto's? Inderdaad, motto's, ik heb er enkele. (:
De belangrijkste is, vind ik : Leef alsof elke dag je laatste is.
Want je weet nooit nooit nooit wanneer het gedaan kan zijn, wie weet ben je er morgen niet meer. Ik wil zoveel mogelijk uit het leve halen!
Dat is altijd - toujours - sinds "zijn" dood mijn levensmotto geweest, dus waarom liet ik mijn hoofd zo hangen nu, sinds dit weekend?
Neen, ik nam me voor om te stoppen met zelfmedelijden (ook al heb ik naar mijn gevoel echt wel redenen genoeg om triest te zijn), en de goedlachse Jackie terug te brengen!
En ik geloof zo'n beetje dat het me gelukt is, mede dankzij Mandy, mijn bestie.
Ze is trouwens nu ook bij mij & blijft slapen, dus mijn humeur zal normaal gezien wel hoog blijven. (Tenzij we lekker gaan zagen op elkaar natuurlijk, want je moet weten, daar zijn we erg goed in! Maar dan duurt het wel maar een uur, hoor)
Dus voila, the strong positive & life-enjoying Jackie is back & she ain't falling down anymore*
Weet je, ik wil altijd "de sterke" zijn. Dat mensen denken dat ik hard ben, en zo zien ze mij ook. En zo voel ik mij ook. Sterk.
Maar toch, je kan toch niet eeuwig sterk zijn en eeuwig alles slikken en blij zijn?
Na 22 maanden, doet het gemis van "hem" me nog altijd zo'n pijn. Altijd diezelfde vraag, waarom hij moest gaan. Altijd diezelfde schrik om nog verliefd te worden op iemand, en altijd diezelfde angst om verliefd te worden.
Life is a bitch sometimes.
Nu moet je weten, ik ben echt een optimist, ik ben een zonnetje, maar op dit moment gaat het mij echt niet af.
Ik weet niet waarom, maar ik voel mij zo leeg. Maar ik weet dat dat zal veranderen, ik hoop alleen heel binnenkort.
Het voelt alsof "hij" nog maar net gestorven is (jezus, wat haat ik dat woord), en de pijn is nog even vers als 23 april 2007.
De tranen blijven komen, en niemand die me begrijpt.
I hate being ill. Since Fridayevening, i'm sitting home, doing nothing, but watching crap, and boring myself, with no social life. Now i had my cell phone, so i could text Mandy & stuff, but if it isn't bad enough that i have to skip another day from school tomorrow, my prepaid card is empty & i don't have any money to reload, and so, no contact with Mandy =(
I guess i'm gonna die (:
So for school, we have this assignment going on, for French, it's about a visit we made last week to the European Parliament.
But i'm getting kinda crazy, as everything my grouppartners send me, is like shit! It doesn't look like anything! A has just took a short text straight from the internet, i mean, you could still see the lay-out and background of wikipedia!! B has made a text during she had sex or something i guess, 'cause really, if you read it, it looks like she hasn't got any French yet.
Really it's making me crazy, and so i have to be the bitch (yup i do not have a choice). I mailed them, from my home, being ill(!), and i've just said what i think is wrong and gave them new things to do. So they're probably going to hate me, but it's for their own good, you know.
I'm sorry, but i'm not going to give away my points because of the stupidness of my classmates. Nu-uh. Didn't think so.
I'm just hoping Mandy can stabilize the situation, because yeah well, i'm not there, so i don't hear what they're going to say he ;) Well we'll see. I'll let you know.
Now i'm going to be impatient, waiting for a mail, and thinking of a movie to watch, because really, one hour more sitting still, doing nothing & this girl is gonna have suicidal kicks.
XoXo
Saturday 31 January 2009
Hi there my ladies all over the world
All guys are the same. Really. They are. My friends and I made this fake facebook, with pictures of really - excuse my for my language - a blonde slut. I'm blonde myself, so i ain't saying this because she is blonde. She just is a slut, or anyway, that's what her pictures say ;)
Now, we've added this guy, "Costume" is his nickname, a real gorgeous one, who Mandy is chasing for already a long time. But the problem was always that he has a girlfriend, Jane.
So we didn't quite see him a lot, actually, we only saw him 2 times, i guess.
But well, we added him. And of course, he accepts and sends messages, when i'm on the facebook. So i'm the one who answerred them. And really, honestly, he's so fucking flirting!!!
He's even asking to go for a drink & stuff, and saying that i (well the blonde slut) is really beautiful!
Damnnnn, really, the last year, i've had too many cases in which i can just tell that guys aren't made for long relation ships.
I'm sorry for those who have one, but i - this is really honest - know not a single guy, who i am totally sure about that he doesn't cheat or lie or flirts with other girls, to his girlfriend. And i'm not talking about 2 guys here! I wouldn't say this, if i'm not sure, or if there are still doubts.
The perfect man doesn't exist. I give you that. This girl is never going to marry ;)
Enjoy life, that's what the male sex does too (:
You know you love me XoXo
Saturday 7th February 2009
Wauw, it is such a depressing day today. Really, i ain't feeling good.
It started yesterday when i had a fight with my parents. They told me i didn't do a lot in the house. And you see, with a normal teenager this would be normal stuff and they wouldn't mind too much that their parents say that. But with me, it's different. Very different.
You see, i do like sooooooooooooooooo much. I'm not the perfect daughter, i know that. But if there's one thing they absolutely don't have the right to complain about, it's that i don't do a thing for them.
Seriously, i don't know any other person that does the half of what i do.
I know you all must think that i'm exaggerating, but here's the thing: i certainly am not.
I do the dishes every fucking day, i clean the whole downstairs every week, i vacuum twice a week (that's the kitchen, the hallway and the living room), i go cleaning at my grandmom's house if the maid is absent, i go shopping for everyone, i clean my father's car once a month (and when the weather's bad that is even more) while he doesn't drive it, i clean my mother's car (when both my brother and my sister drive that thing as well), i type texts for my dad his work (he's a teacher) so that it goes faster for him (those are texts from more than 2 pages with size 8!), ... I could go on for a while (:
It's just so, i don't know. It's not that i don't want to do those things, i don't mind, i'm used to it. But just, they aren't grateful at all. They think it's normal, that that is what's going on in each family. Really, i just wish they could see how "much" my friends have to do. How i would give money for that.
I just can't believe that they got angry at me, really i don't.
It hurt really much. For me this isn't a banal thing.
Then, this morning, things were better, i went to the farmacy for my mom (she's got a cold) and i got to keep the rest of the money. (:
I thought she and my dad talked about it this night and that she was being nice for that. Well, i thought that.
At noon, i was home alone, and i vacumed the whole downstairs (to the habbit), afterwards i worked for school. And you don't even know what i've worked on.
Oh yes, the groupwork of french, that we made when i was being ill and which i was so pissed off. So we don't have a good result, 13/20 and we had to correct it by edit, in word. Not as simple as i'd like it to be ;)
While i was reading the text, i saw there were so fucking much mistakes made that were so stupid! I mean, really, like just fucking typing mistakes!! That's just pure nonchalance! I could kill everyone.
In my lines, there were mistakes too & quite a lot, i won't ignore that, but PLEASE, no typing mistakes!!! Don't you fucking read your text before printing?!!!!
Really, you could just TELL that there hasn't been spent a lot time on. And that is something that really pissed me off, as i - being ill - spent there quite A LOT time on. I have to stop thinking about it, or i'm turning agressive, serious.
So, anyway, i worked on it for an hour or something, well, long enough. (:
I did it all myself, but that i don't mind for. Butttt
(of course there was something coming)
i sent a mail afterwards to 3 members of the group (in total we were with 6), with the question to look at the text, and one had to edit the lay-out.
I put 3 remarks in the text and i asked in the mail for each member to look at it, and if it was their text, to correct it. Now as i already corrected the WHOLE text (except those 6 remarks, whiche were just words or ONE sentence), that has to take their NOT EVEN A MINUTE.
So, i thought, well that'll be okay, it'll all solve out.
5 minutes later, one of the 3 members, came on the msn and asked me: what do you want me to do?
I JUST FUCKING SENT HER A MAIL. OR PEOPLE REALLY THAT SHITTING LAZY?????
Oh yes i'm going crazy indeed. But so, i stayed calm (which was extremely hard for me) and told her just what their was in the mail. And then she said, calmly and serious as hell, "oh okay i'll do it tomorrow i don't want to do it now."
What the fuck, you know. I've spent 60 x the time that they need to spend in that assignment!!!!
Seriously, in what perfect world are they living?
Nuuup, jackie ain't laughing at all.
In normal circumstances, i think, i would be pissed also, very pissed, but not as raging as i am now. But that, my beloved ones, is due to the fact that my family is being a real bitch a-g-a-i-n.
Now, i don't feel like nagging about that over again, 'cause i've got the risk that i start crying again.
Just, pff, i've got it really hard for now. Everybody's pissing me off, my parents are hating me & i am hating them AND they are hating eachother (which i hate the most), i have got a school report on Friday, which is going to be totall loss (read: dutch, german, maths and maybe even economics are going to be a disaster).
And you know what kills me in that too? That there is really nobody who could understand my position in that.
They all think like, hey, for the one time you'll have a bad report, or for example, if i have "only" one deficit, they will indeed think, come on seriously, what are you making such a drama off? It's ONLY one deficit!
But for me, one deficit = suicide ;)
My parents are sooooooooooooo convinced that i'm under my level, always expecting me to
- be the first of the class
- have more than 76%
- have no deficits at all!!!!!
- have at least 80% at my languages
You must also know that my dad (the teachre) gives Dutch and English. So, if i get a deficit on dutch, i'm a dead man. Especially as i haven't got that EVER before.
And to be honest, it would also kill me personally.
If you haven't stopped reading yet, i'm really sorry for the wowowowowo negative talk.
But i just feel fucking bad right now.
I promise, next time, i'll be happy & positive!
'cause i know i'll survive, it's just a matter of time (but please please please, let it be soon...)
you know you hate me for being such a pessimist ^^
Hi everybody. It's been a - very - long time. It's crazy, but it's true, we're two fucking thousand & nine! Woehoe! We've survived another year ;)
So what've i been up to lately or the past months? I wouldn't actually know myself, a lot of things have been going on. I met a lot of people (with Mandy of course, still together forever(:) and made some plans or intentions for the future. I'm thinking about the most important things to say, because i don't want to fill up this page with ridiculous things that aren't important, although they might have seemed important at the time (you know what i mean).
So, let's see. During the summer holidays, a lot - really a lot - has happened. I've been to Calpe for 6 weeks, and met some pretty nice fella's there. (of course!) Mary, a friend of mine, came with me the first two weeks, the other weeks i was with Flo, Wen, Mi Dav, Jel, Yv, Jeroen M., my brother & his girlfiend and i'm probably forgetting a lot more. Then, the last 10 days (i guess the most unforgettable), my precious Mandy & my sister came. That time, unfortunately, Wendy was already gone, (otherwise it would have been like thé best ever, but still, it was the best !!), but we (= my sister, Mandy, Flo and i) had an amazing blast.
We've met so many nice people, they met the people i already met during the holidays, such as Roy (a special one, considered as my "other brother" which i hope to hear from the rest of my life) and the Tango-boys. (The most important one: Franco. I hear from him still, and he promises (already a couple of times, i have to admit, to come to belgium, but he's afraid of cold ;), he's a flirty boy, but yet not so flirty as we share the same interests and he mentioned he never wants to marry, well so neither do i, but still, i like this one very much, he's an argentinian btw).
So yeah, we really had a blast out there. Mandy had 5 minutes (or a couple of 5 minutes) with Alex, the Roemenian comix dancer we (everyone except Mandy, who hadn't been to Calpe before) already knew from the year before. This year he wasn't dancing anymore (to admit, he's not such a good dancer, but neither was the dancer of this year --> Denis, which who Wen messed with haha). But okay, so he had this little crush on Mandy (but more for the fact because Mandy looked like his ex, a holland girl, we also met her last year, but i can't really remember her correctly, but well yeah, alex still isn't over her, i do remember that the two of them were quite serious, and making future plans & stuff), but anyway, it was holiday for everyone, so Mandy had her fun with him (well with mixed feelings, but that's what a girl's a girl for i guess (:).
Then back in Belgium, we only had 2 weeks left before school'd begin. I first went to Mi & Flo a couple of days, for Mi's 18th bday, and we had a blast there. Also with her enormous good-lookingbrother, H., who was flirting with me. (he has a girlfriend now, and there actually family :d well, far family, but still, they're family ^^).
Then afterwards, i went to Knoksh, with Mandy, and there we met 2 guys --> Nero & Blackie (i'm not even going to think over saying their real names in case anyone could ever come over to see this site :d i've learned that this is a fucking small world!!) So anyway, i probably, well i must, already have mentioned Blackie. 'cause he used to be my dreamboy! He was my number one, before Blondie (who is nowadays living & working in Toronto, spain & being my friend on fb ;p nice going Jackie haha). But okay, so we met him, actually due to his friend, Nero. He was quite flirting with me, and yes it's true, i was quite flirting (a lot) back to him. I found him like soooo hot, damn :d. Really really really stunning. At the end of the night he came & ask my number, and we started texting, and well yeah, it got obvious that it was going to be like a double-set, you know. Mandy with Blackie (oh yeah, my precious number one haha:d but it didn't/don't matter, i was more interested in Nero ... damn that is hard to saaaay :d haha you'll find out more about it later), and Jackie with Nero.
So, i'm not going to give all the details i really don't want to. Bottom line with mandy & blackie: they texted & flirted a bit, but nothing really serious, that was clear for both of them, blackie was like a real playboy and well yeah, we knew we didn't had to take him serious. In september then they went on holiday for 10 days (they = Nero, Blackie and some friends) and afterwards blackie got a relationship with a (it's terirble but it's true) beautiful girl, who's also got talent. (yeah life sucks sometimes haha:d), and they're still together, and we've seen him only twice since august. BUT: he's made a good impression on me, and i like him, and i think i could be friends with him, and Mandy too, only for her it'd be a bit more complicate, with the "past", but still, we agree that Blackie is a nice guy.
Then, Jackie & Nero. Pfoew, how can i make this short? okay First: Nero wants Jackie, seriously, with relationship & everything, but Jackie has doubts. So she waits & sees for what comes when he's on holiday. During the holiday Jackie realizes she misses him & is prepared to go for it (it = a relationship:o). This was a really tough decision for me, as it was the first time after my Magician ... So yes, i really had a hard time opening my feelings, but i was proud that i could finally open myself up. (but not for long). So during the holidays, Jackie already felt that something was wrong, which turned out to be correct, as the pics of the holiday showed afterwards that Nero had been fucking girls all 10 days long ;) Then we had an argument, and we didn't spoke for i think 2 weeks, untill i got a text message for him, but that didn't last very long, as i didn't want to react on him very much. Then after a month (including the 2 weeks before) i started to miss him, and had the nerve to talk to him. So it was me chasing him, when before, it was him chasing me. Then it went back & on. And the last month serious things have been going on :d I've been to Knoksh a lot & seen him a lot. He'd come back to me, we had some very very very sexy time conversations, but never in real life, and so i wanted to change that. One night, i took my shot and went to him & kissed him on the lips but he just said "no". So i thought, wauw JERKKK. That was really bummeeer :d & i thought, okay i'm so done with him now, he's rejected me! But the next day (i was back in my hometown then) he started to send me these messages, really, BEYOND YOUR FANTASIES, it was really weird all those things. And well the last month it was up & down, me chasing him, he chasing me. The last time he was chasing me, but then got really angry at me, because he thought i was laughing with him (which was not entirely fault, but seriously not meant to be hurtful!!) and he just got really pissy & blocked me on the msn, and i haven't heard from him since then. So okay, that was the Nero-chapter.
Then, do you remember Blondie Knoksh? I must have mentioned him too, once. So, mandy & i have also met him in real life. Let's say his name is S. ;) . With him, we've had an unforgettable night, (just one night) and i've been like whoah, very nasty with him (never thought i'd do things like that!), and afterwards we did have some sexy text messages on the fb & stuff, but mandy & i had agreed to let him go. Because: 1 - he has a relationship (oh god he has :d) 2 - ho's over bro's , and that's really the main reason.
Soo what else can i say. Let me think, i'm probably forgetting so fucking much, but hell, there's a lot of things happened. Mandy & i've partied in Gent 2 times this year (yes, 2009 & it's only January :d we're partyanimals this year:o), and that was fun too, met some nice people, but not like met - met, so not worth it to remark.
Okay, i think i'll leave it to her for now.
You've just been updated in the scandalous lifes of Mandy & Jackie Maljers Borrello.
Hi there. Yesterday was the bday of Kristof. I sang to him, yeah, you may laugh, but I did! It's not because he isn't with us anymore, he shouldn't be celebrated. I just wish I could've spent the day with him, next to me. However, I hope he had an awesome bday!
Today was the first day back to school, after two weeks of (AWESOME!) holiday. I so miss Knokke! Damn, I went there 2 times, with Mandy, and fuck shit damn cut, it was AMAZING !
We really had a hell of a time down there! It made me even more realize how much I love the girl! She's really my best friend, just as Socioo. I wouldn't be able to live without these two. They made me who I am right now & they're still making me. So, lots love for those girls !!
But okay, now I'm going to get to the point, I promise.
Mandy & I made a plan, because we so didn't want to go to school! We were going to pretend as we were going to a new school, in a new town, with new people.
But unfortunately, the plan didn't work! Although, there are a few new pupils on our school, they aren't cute or whatever =D
But omg! There is some bad news! I hope I can say the next time that my thought is wrong!
But I'm thinking that Blondie (not Blondie Knokke!) has left our school !!!!
And tell me, how bad's that?! REAALLYYY BAD!
I sooo hope he isn't!
I would miss him (a) !
But we still got "Hamstertje". But he doesn't really look my way, ever. =D Well, sometimes he does, but I think, "par hassard" =D
Oh yeah, we'll see.
But one thing I know for certain! :
This girl needs a fling!
With Love, Jackie*
24/01/2008
My stomach hurts ! Goddamn =( It so ain't fun !
Yesterday I was thinking like the whole day of TVP ! So bad ! I thought I was going insane! But thank God, Mandy was there to make me think of other things. And she made me laugh, like always. I realized (for the thousand time) how much I love her. I so couldn't live without her! She makes this world heaven to me. And I even love it when we 'voos' (a) . Everything I do with her, even if it isn't so fun, I charish. We must be happy with the time we can spend with eachother, and so I even love it when we fight. I really do. No shit bitch, we still share the same heart =)
Mandy, no one can replace you, or Socioo!
CYD was AWESOOOOOOOME ! I've had a wonderful time with (of course) Mandy ! I so love her & her extremly beautiful voice. She rocks! & so did the camera men 8-) !
So since yesterday, my Magician is gone for already 9 months. But it feels like he was still with me yesterday. Nine moths, damn. It's a very long time =) I miss him, yes, I do. But I'm able now to live with it. I need to be thankful for the time we've had. A lot of people will never experience what I did. So I'm better off ^^. I love him, and I always will. And I have my bad moments, but you know, through the good & the bad, I'm strong enough to deal with it.
02/02/2008
Keep bleeding, keep bleeding, keep bleeding love. The song's in my head & it doesn't come out! =D
So, yesterday, I went to a suprprise party of a classmate who turned 18. It was fun, but I went home early, 'cause the elisa's were gone too. But now that I did those things again, like I always did when I went out, Brushing my hair, doing my make-up, with the elisa's, I realized that I do miss it. I always thought that I didn't want to go out anymore. But you know, I still do =D. It's just that I'm scared to do sneaky to my parents. I don't like that. I don't want to do that anymore :). Elisa told me yesterday that she missed me, that we've grown a little bit apart. And, yeah, I guess it's true. But I still love her ^^. And my times with her are still great. We've really had a blast yesterday, unfortunately, Mandy couldn't be there. She'd have had fun! But Mandy & Jackie are probably going to Knokke again! I know the answer from my parents between this and an hour, I guess. And if it is a yes, then I'm going from sunday 'till wednesday. I'm already looking forward!
But back to the elisa's =D
I do miss them. But Elisabeth told me yesterday that in the class I'm always quiet to her & stuff. But you know, I hate school, I don't hate Elisabeth! =D But it's just, during school, I feel like I only want Mandy with me. (a)
But that sooo doesn't mean that I don't want the elisa's with me! =D They think, because of that, that I don't like them anymore. But that ain't true! NOOOOOT ! ^^
I love them & I always will
& I adore partying with them, they're my partyanimals, now & forever <3.
So, yesterday, during the schoolday, we needed to go into all the classes to promote our campaign of selling roses. Unfortunately, I had to do the class of wacko too. And he gave such an ass-remark !! He was nagging about the price, in front of all the class, WHILE I was speaking! I mean, how an ASS can you be?! Damn, I really hate him again. AND THEN HE DARES TO PUT A HEART ON MY NOXA !!!!!!!!!!
ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE =l
Pffff, I'm sick of it.
But the worst thing is that I care about what he says & that I care about what he thinks. Whyy jeedie, whyyy ?
He's such a fucker & still, I can't do anything 'bout it. I so need a fling to destract me =o !
But heeeeeeeeey, I've got Mandy & Socioo ^^
& together, we'll get through it all, through the shit & the lies, trough the fun & the pain.
I love love love love love them (l)*
13/02/2008
Hello there
Today was quite a wierd day. I blame wacko for that one .. Pf, he's got me so confused. I feel like I don't understand myself, & that's a bad thing ;p. It's just, I want him to give up on me, you know, it's waste of time, but at the same time, he pisses me off, because he didn't send me a rose for Valentine. I don't know why I feel bad about it! It's so not fair against him too. One moment, I shit at him & hate him terribly much & the other moment, I feel like I "need" him, or a part of me does. It's soooo confusing, seriously, I hope you won't have it ever. And it's all so hard, because I don't want anybody to know about "us", although there is no "us".. Goddamn, it's real shit down here. And I've got really a lot of stuff on my mind, things that seem so fucking important, but actually I know that they are not. But still, they keep going on, on my mind. It's tough, it makes me feel down & stuff. It sucks =)
I'm happy that I've got Mandy. Because, really, Socioo is letting me quite down :). And that hurts probably the most. She just doesn't care anymore. When we talk, there are so much silences in it, because we just don't know what to say anymore. It's like we don't understand eachother anymore. And I don't want that. I'm just hoping that I will realize soon that it was just a down moment in our (special!!) friendship. I don't think I can miss her, but the way it goes now, I just don't want to "go on", you know? It's hard to explain. Let's say, I don't get any feedback .. She doesn't give a damn, or that's at least the impression she gaves me. I don't get it, I thought we were forever, and now we seem strangers. And I so don't want that :). I HATE ITTTTTTTTTT.
I don't think she understands how much I love her. 'cause That's quite a lot ;). A LOT LOT LOT. =)
She really may not get out of my life, I don't want that :(. I want her in my life, in the middle, with Mandy. Those two, damn :) No words, honestly, no words can describe that.
Pfff, I feel sooo bad =)
But I don't want to call Mandy or Socioo. I just wouldn't know what to say. I need to figure this out by myself, I just don't know how yet..
Tomorrow's Valentine day =) I actually hate that day, all commercial stuff. But hey, if it helps people saying those 3 words, than I don't mind. I wish I could've said my 3 words when Magician was still with me.
Damn, you see? All bad stuff in my mind ! I so need to shut up =)
I'm going to listen to some music.
You hear from me soon, Jackie*
14/02/2008
Hi beautiful
I've got some good news. I've had a good conversation with Socioo. I'm so happy that I've done that. I cried, she cried, & that was a sign that she cares, we both do. We agreed that we've had a 'down', but it's gonna go back 'up' soon. Together we'll always pull through we said. & damn right, we will! I'm really releaved. I'm happy, truly deeply happy about it =D
I received a call on my way back home! Mandy has been hit by a bike! An old man has let her fall down & just went on riding! The son af a bitch, I mean how much of an ass can you be?! He'll better be prepared for the time I will see him, he won't survive. They need to stay off of my Mandy! They'd better get that! Hurt her, hurt me = Dead.
(a)
She's having a concert for the moment, Mandy. I hope she's doing well, but I guess so. ^^ No matter the less, I'm crossing my fingers for her!
Goooooood, I'm so fucking happy about Socioo! =o I'm so glad we've had that conversation! & I'm so fucking glad that she still cares =$. She's a part I need, so if I would lose her, I would be incomplete. & we don't want that, do we? ^_^
Today's St. Valentin. We selled about 200 roses & have got at least profits of 150! Isn't that good ? =D
I received a rose from my Mandy. It was really sweet, she thinks I don't really care about it, stupid of me to not say anything about it anymore. Because Mandy Mandy Mandy, I do!!!!! You're the sweetest baby! I adore you. Never forget that!
So, I didn't get a rose from Wacko. But you know? I don't mind, really I don't. I need to close this chapter of my life, for once & for ever. Well, the love-thing, I still want to be friends with him. I want to get him to know me & opposite. I really want to know whether he'd still love me when he'd know the real me .. Hihi.
Tomorrow I'm going to give Blondie his rose. =D He'll be surprised (a)
Mandy & I have sent him a rose, but anonymous! He doesn't even know us, so he won't find out that it comes from us! He's still got an effect on me, you know! Haha =D
& Slonsje & TVP. But that's all =) Those 3, I like. And for a serious relationship, I think only slonsje & TVP. 'cause, Blondie, I just want him as a fling, I don't think I could live with him =D. He's probably a jerk ;p, or at least, that's what I guess.
But damnnn, he's hot , hot , hot , hot! I truly want him in my bed someday ! ^^
Hmm, my bed. I want to sleep =D
Again (a)
I always want to sleep I guess ;p Born to sleep you know ^^
Magician was the same, he could sleep for 20 hours =D And then I called him awake (a)
I was thinking about Jannick today .. I was thinking that a part of me hopes that our friendship can come back, someday. I don't know why .. It's weird. But you know :) He was really a friend of mine & we've had something special back then. I liked him =D
& we had always a blast ! With Magician & Levy. We 4, we were a great duo. And now, there's nothing left. So, for Magician, I would forgive Jannick. 'cause I know that Magician wouldn't want everything to change ..
Houh, Magician. I want him hereeeeeeeeeeeee. It's hard to miss him. And it's not true what they say, that it gets better with time. NOT! It doesn't change =)
You keep on missing him, long time ago or short time ago. He was my true one, or at least it felt like that. I must admit, I don't know him true & true, but I already knew about 70% about him, and believe me, that's a lot. Nobody knows another person completely, so I think I passed with glans. ^^
Pff, he's soooooooooooooooooooooooo perfect =o. I still can't understand it. For me, he was/is perfect. Really. But I'm the only one who thinks that I guess. =D I found out that a lot of people couldn't stand his jealousy & his humour. But I did (a) hihi. I mean heyyy, we were both not funny, so we understood eachother quite well ^^.
I still love him, I really do.
And I guess I always will.
He's in my heart, he takes in a really huge spot in it.
I miss, love, adore, want him unbelievable much.
We're forever, as long as he keeps that in mind, I'll be glad =).
Mandy has sent me an sms! It went all perfect ^^ I knew it. I'm proud of her!!
I'm going to send back now,
Love Jackie*
15/02/2008
A day to remember!!!!! Blondie spoke to Mandy & me today!! As you know, Mandy & I've sent him a rose, anonymous. And he knew, obviously, that I was in charge for the whole organisaton of the sell of the roses. And he called me, in the midday-recreation. Like: "ej" =D
Me & Mandy like : "Uh?" ^^
And than he asked whether I knew who his rose was from. Of course, I said that I didn't. Luckily, Mandy & I could stay serious, but as soon as he left, we literally RAN away to a safe place & laughed extremely hard! And we kept on laughing as we went into the class. We've even done a lucky-dance. Haha. We felt like real teenagers. But hey, I want this guy since the beginning of this years & HE TALKED TO MEEEEEEEEEEE! =D
If that ain't a reason to be happy, I don't know it anymore.
& for the first time since, I don't know, 5 years ago or something, I just want to go to school ! =O
Can you believe that? So, for I say that, you surely must believe that he is hot hot hot hot! (a)
He really makes me fucking horny bitches (a)
I'm just hoping that he hasn't got a girlfriend anymore, however I doubt that ..
& the stupid thing about today was that Blondie has had an argument with Zouzou.. Zouzou thinks that Blondie is always looking pissed at him & provocating him, and he can't stand that. But honestly, I also think that he can't stand it, because he knows deep down that Mandy & I like him =D. I really do think that, Mandy, if you'd read this!! =D
Damn, I just can't quit laughing =D. I feel silly (a)
But that's aloud today. Today, everything is aloudddddddddd!
Blondie Blondie Blondie Blondie
Je veux je peux !
Oh yeah, before I'll forget it: during lunchtime, I stay at school with Mandy. But most of the people of our school go outside, Wacko & Blondie & all the others too. So I was amazed (fo' real!) this midday! Suddenly, Mandy looks to someone. I turn my head to see who she's looking at, & what do I see? =o
Wacko was eating a table after ours!!!! Can you believe how we sat there? =o
Like hell, I almost had a heartattack!
=D It really wasn't healthy at all. I think he's had a meeting for 100days or something..
Never the less, it was quite frightening =D. I wasn't prepared to that one!
But, I can say that today was a memorable day! I loved it, I truly did!
& you know what? I think that if I was with Mandy right now, things'd happen, very strange of very funny things. =D
