I often wonder, if there are people out there that endure the same things I do, on a daily basis even if silently. They often say you can't miss what you never had, yet I beg to differ. You see, i may not know what it means to have a warm loving family that stick together through thick and thin, that provides for one another, takes care of eachother. Doensn't gossip, envy, manipulate, and hurt intentionally, but that doesn't mean I don't know what my heart desires.

Being a mother myself, I often question myself with what I do. I know for a fact I am failing my children in ways they'll later on think to themselves "I won't do it that way" and create their own path as they go. Which is fine, nobody is perfect and I never claimed to be. Yet reflecting on yourself allows you to grow, see mistakes you can adjust, things you have to accept, and it makes it so you teach your children even adults don't always have the answers. My children have gotten apolagy' s from me for things they didn't deserve. I may have yelled when I had a bad day, lost my temper when they needed my comfort..... yet I show them even we need to say we're sorry, that way they'll learn to say sorry. 

Yet the dynamic in my family doesn't work that way, in fact I don't know what the hell the dynamic is, but it's not a good one. It's not that i'm saying that I never had any good times growing up. But that's what it pretty much was, "good times" I never felt the comfort of knowing that love was unconditional. In fact, in my family love is very conditional. I never had a mother, holding my hand, telling me she didn't know how to make it better, but she would be there with me every step of the way. My mother was the "victim" kind. When a pedophile (from who she knew was one) got his hands on me, rather than being there for me, she didn't want to hear about it because SHE couldn't handle it. It's funny how some people can't handle things while it's not even them that have to handle "it".

I have learned at a very young age that blood doesn't mean a damn thing. If anything it's a weapon, leverage used to guilt trip you into a feel of obligation. It gives people a free pass to treating you like shit, and you have to take it because hey, it's family and in the end they have your back right?

No....not right, not even a little.

Let me tell you now that it doesn't have to be that way. There are things out there bigger and stronger than "blood". And just because someone is your mother, your sister, your aunt or whatever doesn't give them the right to treat you as they please and then make you believe you deserved it in the first place. 

You'll spot if you have those kinds of family members if they always talk about THEIR problems, never ask about you and when they do don't even process they answer. If they only come round when they can use you (playing driver for them, being their ATM, being their therapist etc) these are the kinds of people that don't invest in you, they are takers....they take and they take and they take and if thet can backstab you to gain status in someone else's eyes, they will.

And that's a sad lesson I wish to teach my children AND spread on the internet for those very few reading this.....

Proverbs 17:17 says  "A true friend shows love at all times, and is a brother who is born for times of distress"

Even the bible shows that a true friend, can at one point become someone who is as a brother, specially for times of distress.....You see, true friends will tell you what you need to hear, to your face, and not what you want to hear. They will love you at all times, never sell you out, and can at one point become your closest friend, closer than any relative you have.....

I figured as much that with my luck this is the family I was given....but i'll be damned if its the one i'm stuck with....

13-11-2014 om 04:06 geschreven door Insane.v.