What Is Homosexuality?

                          by Frank Worthen

In helping people overcome homosexuality, we've found that many are in confusion about what homosexuality actually is. There is no agreement among either the scientific community, religious groups or homosexual people themselves as to the definition of homosexuality. Lawrence J. Hatter, author of Changing Homosexualitv in the Male, has given this definition: "One who is motivated, in adult life, by a definite preferential erotic attraction to members of the same sex and who usually, but not necessarily, engages in overt sexual relations with them." We've found this to be a good working definition, though a full explanation of the condition of homosexuality goes much deeper.

              Born Gay?

The majority of homosexuals believe they were born "gay." This belief often supplies them with comfort, relieving them of any responsibility to change. However, there is no solid scientific evidence that people are born homosexual. The overwhelming majority of gay people are completely normal genetically. They are fully male or female.

              Learned Behavior

We believe homosexuality is learned behavior which is influenced by a number of factors: a disrupted family life in early years, a lack of unconditional love on the part of either parent, and a failure to identify with the same-sex parent. Later, these problems can result in a search for love and acceptance, envy of the same sex, and a life controlled by various fears and feelings of isolation. One thing that does seem clear: homosexuality is brought about by a multitude of root causes. It is simplistic thinking to lay the blame on any single area. Fears of the opposite sex, incest, or molestation, dominant mothers and weak fathers, demonic oppression: all of these may play a part in causing homosexuality, but no individual factor alone can cause it. Along with outside factors in a person's life, his own personal choices have played a key role in forming and shaping his homosexual identity, though few will recognize or admit this.

              What Does the Bible Say?

The Bible states clearly in five places that homosexual behavior is sin: Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26,27; 1 Corinthians 6:9,10; Timothy 1:9,10. Sexual lust and fantasy, both homosexual and heterosexual, are sinful according to God's Word. On the other hand, 1 Corinthians 10:13 assures us that temptation is not sin: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." There is a difference between experiencing a pull towards homosexual acts or fantasy and choosing to give in to that pull. This is the difference between temptation and sin. We can't fully control that which tempts us, but the choice of whether or not to pursue that which tempts is within our power. This power of choice is strengthened by the Holy Spirit.

              The Four Components of Homosexuality

The problem of homosexuality involves much more than simply a sexual act. Those caught up in this sin usually have entered the homosexual lifestyle to some degree. To better understand the circumstances of the homosexual person seeking help, we've divided homosexuality into four components: behavior, psychic response, identity and lifestyle.

Behavior: Often, it is assumed that all homosexual people engage in homosexual acts, but this is not always the case. Because of fears or strong religious convictions, some may refrain from sexual behavior, yet experience an intense battle with homosexual attractions. Another wrong assumption is that all people who engage in homosexual acts are homosexual. There are significant numbers of heterosexual men who engage in homosexual acts for a variety of reasons, such as being in prison or anywhere where heterosexual sex is unavailable.

Also, we do not believe that a child who is involved in homosexual acts early in life will necessarily become homosexual unless these acts fulfill needs that are not being met in other ways, such as needs for love, acceptance, security and significance. In these cases, the child's involvement in the act is viewed as a "trade-off" for the non-sexual needs he is obtaining. It is possible that the act and the fulfilled needs may become synonymous, which could lead to the development of a homosexual orientation. However, statistics have shown that most children who experience homosexual acts leave them behind, growing up to lead a normal heterosexual life.

Psychic Response: A brief definition of this term is, "sexual excitation (stimulation) caused by visual perception or fantasy speculation." Psychic response is also what people refer to as a "homosexual orientation." Though many people claim that they have experienced visual or sexual attraction for the same sex "as long as they can remember," there is a progression in a person's life that leads to a homosexual psychic response. A child may start out with a need to compare himself with others to see if he measures up to societal standards. When he feels he doesn't compare favorably with others, he develops admiration for those traits and physical characteristics he feels he does not possess. Admiration, which is normal, may turn to envy. Envy leads to the desire to possess others and finally, to consume others. This strong desire eventually becomes eroticized, normally around puberty, leading to homosexual psychic response. As psychic response begins to grip someone's life, a certain amount of scheming takes place. Sexual situations are pictured in the mind. When the first sexual encounter takes place, it may be the result of several years of planning and fantasy. However, homosexual behavior can also precede psychic response, which may then develop as a conditioned response to sexually-gratifying encounters with those of the same sex.

Identity: Some people enter into homosexuality through "identity". These are people who may not have experienced sexual attraction for the same sex or have had any homosexual encounters. However, from an early age, they have felt they were "different" from other people. They felt abnormal, like they do not fit into the heterosexual world. They reason, "If I'm not heterosexual, then I must be gay" and they accept the homosexual label into their lives. Of course, this is a misinterpretation. A person troubled with shyness, fear of the opposite sex, lack of athletic or social skills need not accept the label "homosexual." However, people do grow into labels. Once a label is accepted, the implied characteristics of that label begin to develop in a person's life. What we believe about ourselves is of extreme importance.

Lifestyle: A homosexual may insist that he bears no responsibility for his identity, his psychic response or even his first sexual encounter, which may have been forced upon him. However, every homosexual person must bear the responsibility for his or her choice to enter the homosexual lifestyle. People enter this lifestyle to varying degrees. Some live in the heterosexual world for the most part, seeking out only sporadic, impersonal sexual encounters. Others immerse themselves in the total "gay subculture," a setting in which a person works, lives and socializes in a totally gay environment. There are all the varying degrees in between these two extremes but the gay lifestyle, for many people, is the first place where they have experienced any form of acceptance on a deeper level. In spite of the acceptance that is available, however, the homosexual lifestyle often proves to be a painful and unrewarding way of life, particularly for older gays who are no longer desirable sexually.

As you can see from looking at these four components, homosexuality is a complex problem with many definitions and variations. If someone tells you "I am a homosexual," he has really told you very little about himself. It takes a deeper look to determine the degree to which homosexuality has become a part of his life.

It is true that the way out of homosexuality is not easy, yet there are thousands who have left homosexuality behind and have become "new creations in Christ." Many have married and raised families, while others remain celibate, yet lead joyful lives devoted to God's service. God gives us the desires of our heart. Satan is not pleased when someone sees through the deception of homosexuality and discovers the way out. There are many battles to be fought, but "greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world."

"Do not be afraid or discouraged...for the battle is not yours, but God's." II Chronicles 20:15.

How to Deal with Same-Sex Attractions

              by Frank Worthen

One of the most difficult battles faced by those overcoming homosexuality is working through attractions they still have to people of the same sex. Often, the enemy capitalizes on the situation to induce guilt, condemnation, and feelings of hopelessness and failure.

These attractions can be divided into two types. The "split-second attractions" are those felt towards people we do not know, those chance encounters while walking down the street, doing shopping, or even during church. The second kind of attraction is directed towards someone we know, someone we work with or are required to interact with on a regular basis.

              Lasting Freedom

I was talking with a counselee one evening who said, "I can hardly live with the guilt I feel. Even today, I failed repeatedly. I cruised everything that came my way. I feel like a prostitute." Like most people, he had a measure of victory during the winter months, but when the sun came out and the clothes came off, he had a full-blown problem. It does little good to simply say, "Stop it!" There may be an hour of victory before slipping back into old patterns again. Only when we come to understand ourselves and see what is behind the attractions can we find a measure of lasting freedom.

While some attractions are definitely sexual, many are not. We must sort through our feelings and discover the variety of needs that cause us to become attracted to others. This problem needs to be taken out of the realm of homosexuality, because it is a problem all Christians face. The "normal" man or woman takes notice of the way people are dressed, how they carry themselves, and their degree of sophistication. Their attractions are a mixture of both sexual and non-sexual interests.

In interviewing straight males, I have found that they most often choose their friends to complement themselves in some way. A guy will latch onto a good-looking buddy so he can share in the attention received from women. Another will make friends with someone on a sports team, so he can share in the glory of winning and being an important figure.

              What's Behind Attractions?

Two things generally stand behind attractions: one, that skin is attracted to skin, and the other is some form of inadequacy. In regards to the first, perhaps men have a greater problem, as we are told that men respond more to the visual. However, lust is common to all—heterosexual as well as homosexual. Scripture clearly spells out the temptation we will face with lust, so "think it not strange" (1 Peter 4:12). All people must battle against the sensual. A little prevention goes a long way in avoiding the snares of Satan. God freely gives us the wisdom to help us avoid walking into the enemy's traps. We must learn to stay clear of places and situations that we cannot handle. Those who are wise hand over no tools to the enemy to use against themselves.

              Inadequacies

It is the second reason for attractions that we need to focus on: inadequacies that probably date back to early childhood. Our feelings of inadequacy caused us to admire those who were adequate, who seemed better than us in some way. It all began simply enough by us admiring those we wished to be like. Some of our inadequacies were not in the physical realm--the fearful admiring the courageous; the slow, the fast; the loner, the socially popular.

But the physical always seems to play a major role. The thin or overweight admire the muscular. Those without strong muscles try to build up their bodies. In doing so, they become increasingly aware of those who are superior in this area. Even pictures of strong muscles in a magazine will begin to attract their attention. As envy of others and an obsession with this one area develops, it is possible that this focus will become sexualized during the years of puberty. This is the way a "partialism" begins, which is an obsession with a particular part of the body, with sexual implications.

              Envy

Many of our attractions are simply based on envy and must be brought before the Lord and confessed. God has made us as we are, and we must not tell God that He has made a mistake in forming us. Certainly, if we have neglected the body God has given us, we are obligated to restore it, such as losing extra weight, or overcoming substance abuse. Coming to grips with our attractions based on envy will do much to bring victory.

              Other Attractions

What about our attractions to those around us, particularly the Christians we fellowship with? How are we to respond? Do we stand or do we flee? We are clearly told to flee youthful lusts (2 Timothy 2:22), but does this apply? Many feel an additional weight of guilt when the person to whom they are attracted is a Christian. They feel that in some way, they have dishonored one of God's saints. They feel dirty and imagine that God is angry with them for their lust.

Again, let's separate the sexual from the non-sexual. Satan loves to badger the overcomer with the message, "You've just blown it; you haven't changed. You're still gay. God is not working in your life."

Often, we have not had a sexual element to our attraction, but because of Satanic suggestion, a sexual interest develops. Always go to the Lord for the truth. God, what do I really feel? Is it sexual? Is it just envy and a desire to possess what another has? Let us not condemn ourselves without a trial. God just might give us an acquittal!

              Sexual Temptations

What if we feel a sexual desire, a strong urge for sexual interaction? Again, confess and receive the forgiveness that God freely extends to you. It is very helpful also to confess to another person and become accountable to him or her. We all need supportive prayer partners. The tendency may be to flee, to suddenly cut off all contacts with the individual to whom we are attracted. Is this the right thing to do?

You may encounter different answers, but I will share my views. If we are attracted to a Christian, I do not believe that we can simply shut this person out of our lives. I think we owe it to them and to the Body of Christ to work through this relationship.

If there has been no seduction on the part of the other person and all the sexual temptation is in your own mind, then it is not right to walk away and reject another person for seemingly no reason.

It is also not helpful to tell this person what you are feeling, as they would be at a loss to help you in this area. I think we should only flee when there is a sexual intent on the part of the other person.

              Avoiding Escape

I used the term "working it through," and you may wonder just what I mean. This common expression sometimes refers to a grief situation where there has been a loss: a loss of a person, a job, or some form of security. "Working it through" implies avoiding escape and coming to grips with the situation in a realistic manner.

If we don't face our attractions head-on, we will have to deal with them again and again. One thing in our favor is that our attractions seldom are long-term, but fade away and often are replaced by new attractions.

While we should not have to bring every friendship under the microscope, we may have to do a bit of soul-searching. Consuming attractions can be a form of idolatry, worshiping the creature more than our Creator. If we know this to be true, if someone is more important to us than God, then we must confess our idolatry and ask God to clean up this situation.

              Breaking Infatuation

Are you right now caught up in a consuming infatuation and don't know what to do? As a temporary measure, if possible, cut down the number of times you are seeing the person. Using the telephone rather than visiting the person helps to break the physical attraction.

Even though you may not want to, you must encourage other relationships, both for yourself and for your friend. In seeking new friendships, we must give up and throw away all measurements from the old lifestyle. We will find that the physically unattractive can become attractive to us in other, non-sexual, ways. We can have beautiful fellowship with others who do not wear all their gifts on the outside. We must beware of withdrawal and isolation. Opening up our lives to others brings healthy rewards; narrowing down our friendships leads to distorted relationships.

              Our Needs

It seems that most people, whether homosexual or not, are on a constant search for approval. We all have deep insecurities and need the input of others in our lives. Our approval, however, must first come from God or we will never be satisfied and will always be on an endless search.

Also, everyone needs warmth and acceptance. God has created the Church, the Body of Christ, to affirm us, to supply our needs in this way. When the deep needs are filled, when we feel secure and have a sense of belonging, we do not want what others have, and the attractions lose their power.

So don't just beat yourself on the head every time you feel attracted to another. Set about to fill the voids and deficits in your life in a healthy, wholesome way. Rebuke the enemy and do not fall for his lies. Separate the truth from the lies and confess to God what is true. Then walk in the forgiveness He intends for you to have.

Ex-Gay: Fact, Fraud or Fantasy?

                     By Frank Worthen

"Ex-gay" is a term which always brings a response. For the most part, the gay community believes this is a total lie. They deny that it is possible to become ex-gay. It is their belief that "ex-gay" is a fraudulent term. Most come from the standpoint that a homosexual orientation is inborn, that it cannot be changed. They frequently equate the homosexual orientation with being left-handed, or with the color of one's skin.

Others who are not so hostile believe that ex-gays are simply engrossed in a fantasy situation. They think that one day, the "former homosexual" will come back to reality and realize that they are still just as gay as they ever were. Each time an ex-gay falls back into sexual sin, the skeptical critics hold this up as proof of their position that the ex-gay was living in a state of euphoria, that they were simply brain-washed and have finally come to their senses.

UNDERSTANDING THE TERM: What is the meaning of this term that many people are using to announce that their life has been changed? To begin to understand the meaning of "ex-gay", we can correlate it with the sanctification process described in 2 Cor 1:10, "Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us." The ex-gay knows that something has definitely happened in his life. Change has come. Perhaps the most important change is that he has come into agreement with God that homosexuality "misses the mark", which is the definition of sin. Attitudes have also changed, so that what was once called "love" is now seen as possessiveness. The ex-gay can agree with Paul, that he has been delivered. So there is now a new position in Christ, where the ex-gay is freed from sin by the atoning blood of Jesus on the cross. God now views that person through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. At the same time, the change that we are experiencing is also a process of growth that goes along day by day, even minute by minute.

WHAT ABOUT TEMPTATION? Becoming ex-gay does not guarantee that there will be no stumbles. Daily, each Christian needs to be delivered from tempting thoughts and sexual availability. He knows that Jesus will deliver him from these things, because Christ has already begun the change process in his life. When one has already seen the hand of God at work in ones life, it is easier to trust God and to rely on Him in times of trouble.

THE FUTURE: "I will yet be delivered." The ex-gay person sees his homosexual responses diminishing and has the confident hope that he will be fully delivered in the future. But nowhere does the Bible promise that a person will come to the place where they are never again tempted. In fact, the Scriptures promise just the opposite: the Christian faces a lifetime of trials and temptations. We must rejoice in our trials, for they build Christian maturity. The former homosexual who enters into temptations also rejoices, for he has seen God deliver him and he knows that each time God provides the way out of temptation, he becomes stronger in his faith.

OUR GOAL: At New Hope Ministries we do not attempt to make heterosexuals out of homosexuals. Rather, we attempt to change a person's identity, the way a person looks at himself. It is not biblical to use our past sin as our God-given identity. We encourage the former gay to drop the label "homosexual" from his life. However, we do not ask him to become dishonest about his struggle with homosexuality. He is a Christian who has a homosexual problem, rather than a homosexual who believes in Christ Jesus. It is our hope that a person struggling with homosexuality will come to a place of wholeness in Christ. Then, from a position of strength, he can decide whether to marry or whether to remain single. We hope that each person will keep an open mind on marriage until they come to that place of maturity where they know that they could handle a marriage situation properly, if God led them into it.

WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT? An important part of the change process is the "belief principle". Jesus said in Mark 11:24, "What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." We encourage people to joyously welcome Christ into their heart, to have a positive spirit about Christ and to expect changes to occur. We point out that Christ works daily, even minute by minute. An awareness must be developed to see what He is doing. He has not abandoned us, but is daily cleansing us. If it is the desire of your heart to marry and raise a family, Christ most certainly will make this possible. We have seen this happen time and time again. It is disbelief that traps and discourages and brings on a state of hopelessness. Disbelief effectively stops the change process and blocks the Holy Spirit when he attempts to reach us, to bring important life-changing messages. 2 Cor. 5:17 in the Amplified Bible reads, "Therefore, if any person is in Christ, the Messiah, he is a new creature altogether, a new creation; the old previous moral and spiritual condition has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!"

"EX-GAY": Why is it that the term "ex-gay" so threatens the gay community? It implies that one remains homosexual by choice. That the gay person need not continue in the homosexual lifestyle is an unsettling message. It is far easier to believe that there is no way out than to contemplate the rigors of the change process. Let no one deceive themselves by thinking that leaving the homosexual lifestyle is an easy thing to do. It is extremely difficult. It is only when we totally give up and say, "Lord, I can't do it on my own", that we allow God the opportunity to come in and begin to remake our lives. The process is slow and the gay person encounters much in the way of spiritual warfare. The enemy does not allow anyone to easily slip out of his control. Indeed, the ex-gay person passes through the fire.

How do we, those of us who are ex-gay, bear up under such a label? First, I have never found anyone who is enthusiastic about the label. It is a scar on the side and nail prints on the hands. It is insufficient identity and a poor trade-off for the former identity of being a homosexual. Again, just as it is not valid to use our sin as our identity, it is also not valid to use our former sin to form our identity. We are Christians who were formerly homosexuals. We may be Christians who still struggle with homosexuality, but we are first and foremost Christians. We are the property of Jesus Christ, no longer our own. Why then the label "ex-gay"? What purpose does it serve: It is our witness to the life-changing power of Jesus Christ. It is the ray of hope that flickers within the gay community that homosexuality is not a terminal condition. In itself, it says, "There IS a way out!"

CHANGE IS REAL: The changes Christ makes in a life are fact, not fraud or fantasy. The changes continue from the moment we accept Christ as Lord of our life until the day we see Him face to face. We can never expect perfection in this life, yet we can have every reason to expect continual change that brings us ever closer to the image of Christ. The idea that the ex-gay person is claiming to have arrived at perfection is a wrong comprehension of the term. What does "ex-gay" mean? It is a statement of fact: I am no longer the same. God has changed me, He is changing me, and He most certainly will continue to change me!