I said I moved on, i lied i said i don't care anymore, i lied i said i'm happy, i lied i said i don't miss you, i lied i said i gave my heart to someone else, i lied i said i only speak to you when i'm bored, but in my heart ache every time i see your name on my screen, so i lied. i said i want you to be happy with her, i lied, i don't want you to be happy with her, i want you to miss me so hard that you do everything to get me back. and you were so stupid to believe all the things i said. You know me, at least you did knew me. I grave for your love, every day again. I miss you so bad that I see your face every time i close me eyes. I just want you to hold me again. I wish all our magic back. I want a fairy to make it all okay, to turn back time and change one little thing, and we will have our happily ever after. You and me, we are magic, at least, we used to be.
There's not much to talk about, we grew apart, he stopped laughing his much, he stopped carring his much. There was a time when I loved it that he was sitting next to me but he hasn't been that guy for a while. We were really great together but one day we weren't. And I know there must be a big hug reason why, but there's not. There's just that feeling that this isn't want I want for the rest of my life. People have the right to change, but they also have the right to stay the same. They have a right to be exactly the person that they've always been. I didn't changed, he did, and somehow I'm the one who's broken because of it.
There's not much to talk about, we grew apart, he stopped laughing his much, he stopped carring his much. There was a time when I loved it that he was sitting next to me but he hasn't been that guy for a while. We were really great together but one day we weren't. And I know there must be a big hug reason why, but there's not. There's just that feeling that this isn't want I want for the rest of my life. People have the right to change, but they also have the right to stay the same. They have a right to be exactly the person that they've always been. I didn't changed, he did, and somehow I'm the one who's broken because of it.
I miss you, I miss the sound of your voice in my ears, i miss the way you shake in my arms when you laugh, i miss the way your smile just brightens up my day, my world. i miss the way you make me feel, no one could ever make me feel the way you do. I feel complete, i feel so happy and yet almost scared, i feel excited and overwhelmed, i feel so many things that its hard to describe, sometimes it makes me stumble over my words i miss the way you are. i miss everything you say, everything you do makes me smile and laugh. i miss the way you look at me, i just kinda lose myself in your eyes, they are so beautiful. i miss us. i miss holding you in my arms. i miss being stupid with you. i miss listening to music with you whether i like it or not whether you like it or not. i miss holding your hands. i miss going on walks. i miss watching tv over the phone together. i miss the feeling of your lips on mine i miss slow dancing with you. i miss walking you home. i miss holding your hand untill you fell asleep. i miss being with you. i miss you.
kben het eventjes beu om in het engels te schrijven want soms kan ik mij er niet zo goed in uiten, wel hier komt dus eens een nederlandse blog.
3 weken geleden stortte heel mijn wereld in, alleja, dat dacht ik toch. Alles waar ik in geloofde bleek een leugen te zijn. En ik was zo teleurgesteld en kapot. Ja, je kunt het misschien geloven of niet. Mijn liefje had me laten zitten. Hoe belachelijk het ook klinkt, i was a mess. Hij wist alles over mij. maar echt alles, ie had heel mijn leven in zijn handen. ie had mijn soort van dagboek mogen lezen, dat echt top secret is voor IEDEREEN; & ie heeft het gewoon tegen mij gebruikt. De week voor de vakantie was ook verschrikkelijk, ik was bijna dood omdat een familielid mij probeerde te vermoorden en ik had echt mijn liefje nodig, maar als ik het hem zei geloofde hij me niet ens. ik was een emotioneel wrak. maar echt een wrak, ik had geen zin meer in alles. Gelukkig heb ik heel wat steun gehad en was ik zeker van plan deze vakantie goed te starten, ik ging het geweldig maken. Ik ging de zaterdag met een vriend weg en ging 's avonds uit. hij had het lef om er ook te zijn, ookal was het 33 kilometer van zijn deur. hij staarde, maar echt staarde met zijn mond open als hij mij zag binnenkomen al lachend met een vriendin & met de belachelijke movekes erbij. ik had er natuurlijk voor gezorgd dat ik er geweldig uitzag. ik ging ergens staan met mijn vrienden & hij achtervolgde me steeds, elke plaats waar ik stond, stond hij. Ik heb hem natuurlijk serieus uitgedaagd, wat verwacht je ook? hij vroeg erom. hij staarde echt heel de avond. mijn beste vriend kwam bij mij en gaf mij een zotte knuffel. en hij staarde echt samen met al zijn vrienden keihard naar Lander. Ik voelde mij zo machtig. Want hij had al een lief, ja, hij had mij 3 dagen gedumpt & had al een ander. Dag relatie van 7 maand. De hoer. En dat hij naar mij staarde wil echt wat zeggen. Ik stapte op hem af en kuste hem. Zijn hoer stuurde natuurlijk al een kwartier later een bericht van : 'blijf met u vuile poten van mijn lief'. ik was zoooo boos. ie was van mij, ze had er toen maar moeten van blijven. nja, ge kent ht, alcohol is op die momenten je beste vriend. NIET DUS. Later op de avond zag ik heb terug en confronteerde ik hem : 'ik was bijna dood, en ge geloofde mij niet, ge waart der niet, ik was bijna dood en het kon u GODVERDOMME de kloten schelen!', ja, al roepend zei ik dat, blame the alcohol. Hij lachte mij gewoon uit in mijn gezicht. Ik was zo boos & zo gekwetst dat ik hem keihard in zijn gezicht sloeg dat mijn hand er 10 minuten later nog pijn van deed. De dag nadien voelde ik mij opgelucht, al mijn frustraties waren eruit. Ik kwam op facebook en zag dat hij me gewist had, ik lachte, het deed hem dus effectief wel iets anders zou hij me nooit verwijderen. Hoe dan ook, mijn plan was al beetje aan het falen op de vakantie geweldig te maken. Maar de dinsdag vertrok ik naar centerparcs. Het was een genezing, maar echt letterlijk. Het was een meer met een bos rond en in deze tijd van het jaar was het bos gekleurd met al de kleuren van de regenboog en de huisjes waren houten cottages in allerlei kleuren. It was paradise. Ik heb samen met een vriendin gewandeld, hele dagen en genoten van al de kleine dingen. Maar het moment dat ik mij het meest terug voelde leven was op een fietstocht. er was een immens grote afdaling met een kronkelpad tussen het mooi gekleurde bos. mijn vriendin had haar boxen aangezet en er was dus een themesong. We gingen de afdaling af met de themesong op de achtergrond en de wind op het gezicht. Mijn voeten van mijn pedalen en mijn ogen wijd open. Het gevoel was zo geweldig in mijn buik. IK LEEFDE! De magie was zo geweldig dat ik het uitriep van plezier. Deze week was een proces van genezing. en ze zeggen, zoek niet naar geluk, geniet ervan wanneer je het hebt. Wel, ik had het, en damn, ik heb ervan genoten! Life's great! And i know, he will regret it some day that he let me go, but when you hurt a girl so bad that she walks away, than she isn't coming back. :) girls like me, don't want guys with faces like his. ;)
Charlotte, in the past six months, I haven't been the greatest friend nor your closest one. Though I allready promised you once that we would keep in touch , it seems way more dificult in real life, so instead of sending you an email/fbmessage or having an msnconversation ( you know how much I hate telling a long story while constantly being interrupted.even by you.) well, to keep things 'short' (haha ooh you wish) i'll just write you a blog. I think thet's why we started this blog in te first place : communication, with each other, keeping this stubborn friendship as alive and kicking as it was in the beginning. well i had a pen friend once, i think i told you about her, i got sick of her, of the writing so i just decided to stop writing her back. she finally gave up after six months of unanswerred letters. well, my point being: i'm not that much of a friend i guess. And so i was thinking; i don't want that to happen to you, or to me, so , behold my letter, (now i know you this well, so you're probably thinking this better be damn good after all this time well it isn't. but i tried :) so let's turn back time. 6 months ago .. that should be April, (counting back months in my head, kinda dificult if you consider the fact that it's been a long day and I'm just to tired to think) anyway, my memory doesn't recall every little detail (or any data ;) ) i almost had a boyfriend who was 3 years older than me, and (subsequently proved) who cherished me more than i knew. everytime he tried to meet, i found one of my famous excuses, and now i know that i just wasn't ready for the whole gown-up thing, (and ofc i was into the whole 'happysingle'thing, now i had time for friends and other kinds of fun) but as it suspected, the guy was an untamed party animal and when he saw that i wasn't that interested, he moved along. so did i. Easter holliday : D came to visit to watch a movie (i know, i should've seen it coming, but sweetie, i'm not great with getting hints, i just send them) and just when i had convinced myself (after the whole other-guy-thing) that i could be friends without other feelings he told me he wasn't over me, and i could hit him for his crappy timing. I hurted him, but there will be karma (later in letter). eum after April comes May, that's about the time I got to meet Izzie , well, he 's nice but a little grabby, and sometimes pushy, but we got along quite well (in all these months, just so we're clear that i'm not a tramp : i didn't have a single relationship or any form of commitment aboce friendship) but than again i couldn't convince myself that this was a person i was in love with or to ever be in love with. as i'm typing the words now, i realise i'm very selective, or i just have one teenage sweetheart. Anyway i didn't respond to his 'expectations' and we had a fight or two. Now we're bud's again, but back than; he could make my blood boil. to talk about anything other than guys : one of my best friends got run over by a truck (a car actually, but you know me,i like to exaggerate, but it wasn't necessary here. the damage spoke for itself) she was in a coma, and i visited her blog every day, at first i told some people about it, but actually that didn't relieve me nor did it help her. And after a week people forget about the accident, and the victim. (she is 'fine' now, she is awake after a month in coma but walking and talking is still dificult) June, i always get the 'shizzles' (i'm pretty sure that's not a word but it's the only thing that suits the feeling in my tumy ) (cause school's almost out and everybody is making all these crazy summerplans. I did my tests fine, thanks to my Einsteinbrain and hours of hard labor (seriously, who am I kidding, the fact that i had good results, well god knows why..) anyway, my parents were 'proud' in their own way and that was that. I burned all my notes and workbooks, a ritual i will cherish my entire life. JULYYYY loved it. first there was rock werchter, were i went to see Muse and damn they were awesome! I sat on a guys shoulders during the whole concert . after werchter i went camping. 10 days with no shower, good food, roof, warmth, or any comfort. BUT also ten days to reflect, about yourself and in group. I was finally able to set my thoughts straight. And ten days of gossip. deuh! well I came to the conclusion that I wasn't the happy single i thought i was, and that maybe that wasn't the reason why i turned those guys down.(later) after camp there was this amazing holliday with my sister, parents and another family with kids, Greece rocks! Because me and my Mum were the only one's who could read Greek we could fool the others and i loved the other kids, there small and the way they look at things, at the world, it refreshes my mind every time :) i started skyping with D, and at a certain moment those minutes i saw him were the higlite of my (insanely awesome and hot) days in Kreta. But at this point you allready know he had a girlfriend, so i backed of, (you remember Suz? goood i was willing to push my feelings asside as long as the drama didn't start again) but as i found out, he wasn't as excited about her , his eyes didn't glow the way i used to hate it when he talked about her. anyway; you know me : i wasn't innocent. Yet it wasn't my fault entirely ;) he broke up with her, and I went to see him , to watch a movie in his appartment in ODK , (haha, i love 'watching movies' come on ! that's as subtle as asking : wanna date?) but anyway i reckoned it was too soon to date him, 'cause everybody would think I was the one who drove them apart (and i didn't want that, partly because it was a bit true and partly because i have this issue SERIOUSLY about people disliking me, i can't stand it when people gossip about me, wich is absurd 'cause i dare to admit i gossip all the time, i think i can truely say i know something about everyone, and i'm not proud about it. anyway, i had to muster all my strength not to tell him how i felt about the whole situation. funny fact : six days (not kidding) later we were together. So love conquers all, omnia amor vincit, even my socalled principles that i always use to push people away. I let my walls down, so far, so good. (so far so great )
I was stubborn in the beginning, I was scared to let you into my heart. So scared to get hurted again. Once I let you in, you knew everything about me. No one could get inside my head like you. You taught me what it was, to feel the sting of love. I hang on every word you said, you were/are my hero, the lifesaver, you helped me through to week to get to the weekend, the days when I saw you, and be whole again. Now I'm searching for the entry point where love went in.The place where my heart used to be, but you've captured it, then you left a hole where you walked out. I don't know how to heal these exit wounds. I've been searching after patches, salve, pills,... Nothing can heal them. No friends, no family, no food, no sleep, no music... I just want to sleep forever, I don't want to wake up and face a day when you aren't by my side. It hurts so bad, to accept that I was nothing, that I am nothing for you. I was just amusement, so you don't have to do a day without affection. It hurts, you know. You thaught me so much, how to let someone in, how to love someone so much that you would do anything to keep them by your side, how to desire so bad. But most of all you taught me to feel like I don't ever want to let somebody ever get that close to me again.
Show me how to lie Youre getting better all the time And turning all against the one Is an art thats hard to teach Another clever word Sets off an unsuspecting herd And as you step back into line A mob jumps to their feet
Now dance fucker dance Man he never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
And now you steal away Take him out today Nice work you did Youre gonna go far, kid
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Slowly out of line And drifting closer in your sights So play it out Im wide awake Its a scene about me Theres something in your way And now someone is gonna pay And if you cant get what you want Well its all because of me
Now dance, fucker, dance Man, I never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
And now youll lead the way Show the light of day Nice work you did Youre gonna go far, kid Trust, deceived!
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Now dance, fucker, dance He never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
So dance, fucker, dance I never had a chance It was really only you
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Clever alibis Lord of the flies Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
It's in the eyes of the children As they leave for the very first time And it's in the heart of the soldier As he takes a bullet on the frontline It's in the face of a mother As she takes the force of a blow And its in the hands of the father yeah As he works his fingers to the bone This is why we do it This is worth the pain This is why we bow down And get back up again This is where the heart lies This is from above Love is this, this is love Love is why we do it Love is worth the pain Love is why we fall down And get back up again Love is where the heart lies Love is from above Love is this, this is love
If I could read your mind, love what a tale your thoughts could tell just like a paperback novel. The kind the drugstores sell. When you reached the part where the heartaches come, the hero would be me, but heroes often fall. You won't read that book again, because the ending is too much to take.
I've been used. I've been stabbed in the back while they promise the earth I've been left in the cold I've been lied to I've been laughed at I've been pulled to the lowest place I've been a body, and that's all.
Now there is something weird going on, there's someone who seems to care. It feels so unfamiliar, so weird. I was sure it was the same loser with the nice talks, nice looks, but after all a jerk. Now he's trying to persuade me, and I really want to trust him, but when something little goes wrong I'm going back to the past and protecting myself. I know it's safe with him but something stops me everytime.
It's all your fault, because of you I don't believe in true love anymore.
We are all buzzy with climbing up, being good to everyone so everyone would like you. Buzzy with your points at school because if your points are bad, goodbye freedom. We are so buzzy that we forget the time. Everyone is always complaining about how life goes by so fast, before you know it you are retired and you are spoiling your grandchildren with looooooots of candy. Life goes way too fast, but we forget to enjoy the moments. Even the little things, a beautiful line of a song which you always get goosebumps from, the smiles of children, a hug of someone you love... We are always trying to reach a goal, but once we get there, we don't enjoy it, we are just trying to find something else to reach. It's kinda stupid, you don't have to proof that you deserve to live. You just have to enjoy each breath on this world.
Someone once told me that relationships are like mirrors. Once broken, then you can try to fix them but you would still see the scars. But why can't we just like mirrors with scars? We have been teached that mirrors haven't scars. But the only declaration is that we rather buy a new mirror than try to fix them. 'Cause you've got to take your time to fix the mirror, piece by piece. And sometimes it takes a lot of time because the mirror is so broken that you can't see clear anymore. And it also takes time to get used to a broken mirror. And after all that time you can see trough the scars, and you'll see, the view is still the same.
Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only on in the world
who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting
by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the
courage to face it all for another day and someone, or something, will
find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help
sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in our world. To remind us
that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that
someone will find you.
"Nobody has all the answers, but we all have our why's. Like, why
did this happen? Why didn't we see it coming? And why do people 'watch
American Idol?'
It's been said that there's one word that will free us from the
weight and the pain of life, and that word is love, and i believe that.
That doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard, or that it won't be. It
just means that, I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you.
you make me brave, and i will love you until the end of time. This i
vow today
That love thing isn't as easy as I thought. It has so many bitchy things you have to deal with. Jealousy, the missing part, the fight about little things, the fights about things that aren't so little. Now i'm stuck with the missing part. Well, it's summer vacation, and I thought, hmm summer with my boyfriend. I LIKE. :D I was wrong. He's going on a weekend with his friends and the days after that i can't go to him because i have things to do and after that i'm going on a camp. Now I don't want to ruin his weekend with his friends, so i shut my mouth about the day between that weekend and my camp I can't go to him (he doesn't know that). But the thing is, I'm already missing him, it's a week ago that i've seen him, but i'm texing him all the time! and in the period of his weekend and my camp i can't text him. Can you have so much pain of missing someone that you can die?
I mentioned earlier that I'm not doing well, now I am doing fine, this song helped me a couple of weeks : beyonce- if i were a boy If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go ooooohhh
Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it 'Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they would think I'm sleeping alone
I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go 'Cause i know that she'd be faithful Waiting for me to come home,to come home
If I were a boy I think I would understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's too late for you to come back Says it's just a mistake Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you you thought wrong
But you're just a boy you don't understand and you don't understand ,oh how it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted 'Cause your taking her for granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy
I mentioned earlier that I'm not doing well, now I am doing fine, this song helped me a couple of weeks : beyonce- if i were a boy If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go ooooohhh
Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it 'Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they would think I'm sleeping alone
I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go 'Cause i know that she'd be faithful Waiting for me to come home,to come home
If I were a boy I think I would understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's too late for you to come back Says it's just a mistake Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you you thought wrong
But you're just a boy you don't understand and you don't understand ,oh how it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted 'Cause your taking her for granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy
when my phone vibrated i used to hop it was you. now i'm hoping it's you and that you're telling me something good. the changes we make, the things we decide, the conclusions we make, they are what makes us who we are. who we were. i think i am in love with the person i thought you were, so I'm double-messed up, i not only lost my love, i lost my illusion, my friend-who-i-can-always-count-on. Let's just wait and see, who you'll be. i think this i just met somebody, a few hours ago, who is totaly perfect, i see an opportunity, a chance, for a change :) it's perfect, and so is he.
cry over me. feel bad about me. hate yourself for me. 'cause I'm not going to be there to tell you that everything will be fine. it won't,and i won't be there . And you don't want to lose me, because when this is all over, I will be the one person who will want to stay by your side. but not anymore, so, this is not a lovesong, this is goodbye, and ok, we can still be friends, but look at our history, we aren't very good at 'just friends' are we? but I'll give it a shot, because it's you and me right :) but don't blame me when i get over you, and never come back . :)
