We told eachother we would meet thursday online.  Nothing went like planned that day, I got home too late, and once I was home I couldn’t get online, something wrong with my connection.  God, I was getting so annoyed.  I sent him an sms to tell him I couldn’t get online, but he didn’t answer immediately, so I thaught perhaps he wasn’t alone, shoot, what did I do ?

After about an hour, he phoned me to ask what was wrong, and why I didn’t appear online, I told him I couldn’t and he was very dissapointed, as was I!  We talked a little on the phone and he had to leave.  He was unable to get online before monday, because he was leaving for a long weekend with his wife, which he didn’t realy wanted to do, but well, we knew we were both taken, and wouldn’t leave our partners.

Ten minutes after the call, I tried to get online again, and I did.  Yes, but he wasn’t online anymore, shoot, he already left.  So, I sent him an e-mail, saying perhaps it just wasn’t ment to be, everything seemed to work against us…

Friday morning I had to work on my computer, and when I got online, he was there, just out of bed, looking wild, very dissapointed about yesterday and felt awfull…he appologised to me and told me he got into a fight yesterday with his wife, because he had me on his mind, he missed me…

we both feel the same, but both don’t want to ruin what we have, at least I don’t , he doesn’t seem to be bothered if his wife would leave him, but he wouldn’t take the step, unless I do…

We talked for a little and then I had company so, again, we were interrupted and couldn’t continue talking.  He told me he would phone me monday and hoped to see me online again.  I told him I didn’t know when I would be able, because I had a lot of work to do, and would try to get online…

That afternoon, I couldn’t hold myself, needed to hear his voice again, so I sent him an e-mail he asked for professionaly, and called him on his mobile.  He was in the car, the speaker was on, and I knew by the way he frooze that his wife was sitting next to him and that she could here me, so I introduced myself and told him I was just calling to tell him I sent him the required e-mail…he responded very formel and was very polite, as was I, he asked about the weather in our place and I started to get nerveous, he wished me and my family a fine weekend and so did I…

When I hung up the phone, I could kill myself, I sent him an e-mail saying I was sorry for the fuck up and that I just wanted to hear his voice, shoot, what did I do ?

At this moment, I wouldn’t wish for anything more than to be with him, I’m falling in love with him so hard that I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I can’t help myself, keep thinking of him, butterflies keep going through my body, and I know he feels the same, but I also know we don’t have a future together…..do we ?

Two more days, and I’m going to see him, or should I just make an end to it, this is going on for too long, and it isn’t leading anywhere, we are just making things harder on ourselves, but it’s stronger than me, I can’t help myself….