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    LOVING 2 MEN

    04-11-2007
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.BLOODY SUNDAY

    It’s sunday now, and it’s been two days since I last heard him….I feel terrible, can’t concentrate…can’t stop thinking of him, he even haunts me in my dreams….

    Yesterday I drunk too much and fell a sleep, he promised he would send me an e-mail, but even that seems too much of an effort, I feel so alone, and I shouldn’t, I feel guilty, I should stop it now before it goes any further, at least that’s what my common sence tells me, but I know I can’t….

    Normally he’ll be waiting for me tomorrow to get online, but I won’t, let’s see how he reacts to this, I wonder if he’ll call me, I feel so weak….why can’t I get a hold of myself….

    He can see when I got online the last time, because he never closes his account, but I feel sabotaged by this system, because I need to get online, even if it is to work…

    Anyway, my work is suffering, and I need to be more productive, so I am going to my appointments tomorrow and will be in late, so if he’s still online, he’ll let me know I guess…

    You see, I just can’t get him out of my head and it’s making me crazy, I truly feel dissapointed with myself at times, but when I hear or see him online, everything else just dissapears and I feel great, so why not enjoy it while it lasts… I know we’re making it difficult for ourselves but still, I just enjoy it too much, can’t explain it, it just is what it is…

    04-11-2007 om 00:00 geschreven door JENN952  

    0 1 2 3 4 5 - Gemiddelde waardering: 0/5 - (0 Stemmen)
    03-11-2007
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.LOVING 2 MEN

    I am a woman in my thirties, have had a big life change, since I moved last year with my husband and children to another state thousands of miles away.  We are freelancers who can work from wherever we are, we kept a lot of clients from back home.  Most of them business people who travel a lot too, we keep on travelling back to our old hometown too and all over the world.

    We keep in contact with a lot of people throug e-mail and skype, which makes everything so easy.  I have had a kind of a midlife crisis when I became 30 and wanted to through my life in an other direction, I realised the town our children were growing up wasn’t good for them and wanted more green and freedom in their life, a little back to basics.  But with a financial back up which makes it possible to have everything we were used to, just in a smaller community in the middle of nowhere, just nature, a better climate, no violence and our family together…

    I’ve lived good and freely till I met my husband, he was the one for me, I have never been unfaithfull and never thought I could be.  He gave me beautifull children, really cares about me, he helps in the house, helps with the children and would do anything for us.  Shortly I have the perfect man…

    But still, a couple of years ago, I felt more than I should for a friend of my husband, we flirted a little, but nothing ever happened, I realised I couldn’t go ahead with it, because I had my principles, I would never betray my husband…  So, I just avoided him, and after a while the feelings went away, I thought it would be easy…

    Now, after living more than a year somewhere else, without our friends close to us and meeting new people, I have noticed that I’m still good in the market, let’s say… But still noone could make me crazy enough to feel anything more than usual for men, I do feel charmed and good about the attention I get, but nothing more…

    I do the business deals in our partnership and my husband does the labour let’s say… which means I have to sit down and talk to a lot of different people and make deals…

    A couple of months ago, I had a meeting with a client we have for as long as I know my husband, when I first met him, let’s call him Jeff, he was in a relationship and had a baby girl, he seemed happy with his wife, but still there was some kind of a connection between us, I wasn’t married but felt confident of my relationship and couldn’t believe that Jeff would feel anything for me, he was much older too and so I just had a connection with him for a couple of years as a client.

    I used to bump into him over those first years and I could feel a lot of tension whenever we met, he always asked me to go for a drink if I had the time, so we did sometimes, but we always talked about business and very little of our family.  The last time I met him was about 10 years ago, right before I got married, he was startled with the news and I didn’t hear from him for about 8 years…

    He used to talk to my husband first, but he always told him to talk to me about the figures, so he did… he called me a few times, after we made the move, and finally I met him about a year ago in our hometown, where we used to live, since I do fly over now and then…

    He wanted to make an order and he agreed to the price I gave him, but he had to be patiened because we work differently now, and I couldn’t deliver for a couple of months.  That was no problem he said, we kept in touch for months, and since we had a lot of work, it took about 6 months to finish his order.  We had a few orders to deliver, so I flew back home and tried to meet him, but he was out of town, and wouldn’t be back for another 2 weeks, I couldn’t stay that long.   We talked about every day at first and I told him that I had to get back in 5 days, so we started communicating through webcam, because he always had a problem with not seeing me through the phone…

    I was so naive that I couldn’t believe his motives, after all these years, he finaly confessed his feelings for me, I didn’t know what to say at first, I had blocked him out of my memory and looked at him as being one of our clients…

    Time had past since our first encounter and I had to admit that even though I hadn’t heard or seen him for years I sometimes wondered what was going on with him and his life…

    The day after his confession we talked again and I admitted that I was very charmed with him when I first met him and that I felt a lot of tension whenever I met him, but that even in my darkest dreams I could believe what he was saying to me now… wasn’t it too late, I was married, had children, moved away…he wasn’t married, but still with the same woman and their daughter was getting big now, he travelled all over the world and was hardly at home…

    But I couldn’t deny my feelings for him, I felt 18 again, totally in love, with the butterflies and everything, he made me feel so special, but still I loved my husband…

    After every word we shared I felt more confident I could trust him, he trusted me too, and we started having kind of a secret affair through the internet, which evolved into more with the help of the webcam, we had cybersex, or how do you call it…?

    When he first told me what he wanted to do to me, I felt so hot, I couldn’t believe myself, what about my principles, where they nothing worth anymore… I just felt safe that he wasn’t nearby and there was no real threat that anyting fysical could happen between us…that’s what we kept telling eachother… but who are we kidding…

    I felt so guilty after my first orgasm with him, did I betray my husband, off course I did, but not realy fysical did I ?  After discussing it with him, I told him this had to end, it was impossible, it could destroy a lot for both of us…

    He told me it was all up to me, but that I didn’t have to feel guilty, because I did  masturbate too, didn’t I, especially when I was away, this was somewhat the same, but with the difference that I was starting to fall for him…and that I was having sex online, I couldn’t believe it, I never did this before…what was going on with me ?  I felt so confident about the move and the changes in our life and now I felt insecure again….

    Whenever he called me, I got so nervous, I felt my haert beating in my throat, I loved his voice and what he was saying to me, perhaps it was the attention I got that I loved, but why the butterflies and why didn’t they go away….didn’t I love my husband anymore ?

    We talked everyday and a lot, the last day before I had to leave we had cybersex again, I don’t know how else to call it, since I never had this expirience before, I thought that would be it, I would leave in the morning and after getting home it had to stop…

    When my husband came to pick me up, I felt a little guilt but also love for my husband…so I thought it would pass away… I had wonderfull sex with my husband and had an orgasm, so I felt very good again, but must confess that while making love to my husband Jeff was in my thaughts so that same evening I just felt compulsed to hear Jeff…

    So, I went online, and there he was, waiting for me… we talked and he asked me if I had sex with my husband, I told him yes, and I could feel the tension between us, and then he said it was normal because he was my husband, he did feel a little jaleous, but that was normal, he was thinking so sober… and I was so confused, I couldn’t think clear…

    The next couple of days, we stayed in touch, talked for hours and then he was going home, so we planned not to call eachother any more for at least a week…the hardest week of my life…

    I had left his order with someone, where he could go and pick it up when he was back home…we e-mailed for business purposes that week, with some messages hidden between the lines, which made me so wanting him…

    After that week, he called me, he still had feelings for me and I for him, but things were more complicated now, I was at home and so was he…most of the times we can’t talk openly because our partners would be standing next to us or at least in the same room…but that tension made it more hot…for both of us…

    So, now we talk during the week, at least once a day, but in the weekends we have our family and can’t talk, this makes it very difficult for me, sometimes I think what the hell am I doing, I’m having an affair, but then again I keep telling myself it’s not physical…yet at least…

    I feel so alone in this matter, we both can’t discuss it with anyone, because it could ruin too much, and we both don’t know where this will lead, and or if it’s gonna last…

    that’s why I started this blog, noone knows me, and I can express myself at least….

    will keep it updated with what happens and if anyone has any comments, I would love to hear them….and I know, most people with think I’m a bitch for betraying my husband, but it doesn’t realy feel like this, because I still love my husband a lot, I just never thought I could love 2 men at the same time, and that’s my biggest dilemma….I have had to reconsider a lot of my principles….nothing is just white or black, there does seem to be a grey area in life…

    03-11-2007 om 00:00 geschreven door JENN952  

    0 1 2 3 4 5 - Gemiddelde waardering: 1/5 - (2 Stemmen)


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