Ik lees net mijn post daarvoor.. en schaam me zo erg en schrik ervan het is denk net iets langer dan een maand dat het goed is gegaan tussen ons.. en nu ging het weer niet lekker dankzij mij.. I feel so bad! En elke keer kom ik met het zelfde.. I’m just so sorry ErMi.. don’t know how we’ll make things right.. how I’ll make things right..

09-09-2011 om 22:25 geschreven door JaMe  

I don’t really know what I’ve done this week.. really stupid things I don’t recognize myself.. I hurt my boyfriend.. I hurt him because I thought he was hitting on a other girl. And I couldn’t get myself out of this thinking even when I asked if it was true. It was already leading its own life in my head, and I knew my thoughts it wasn’t true, I just couldn’t stop thinking it and feeling it and it was driving me crazy! But I could handle myself until I started talking about it with a friend, and she just talked along with the thoughts that weren’t right. We stopped talking cause she was going to sleep.. I already decided that I wanted to go away.. but I couldn’t find anywhere to go to. But my stress was really high and had to buy cigarettes. When I was outdoors it only kept worse, I started to feel desperate  and wanted to go to someone and couldn’t think of someone else but that friend so I ended up being there.. well what I’ve done after that isn’t pretty.. I stayed there for a night and a day without telling my boyfriend and also lying to him.. My friend kinda talked me into it but I was there myself and couldn’t really get things straight in my head so I just kept doing what I was doing. And in the evening I wanted to call him but didn’t know I must to do that and my friend told me it was better if I didn’t. Then she had him on msn and they talked about me and I called him. And I told him what was going on except that I was by that friend. And he asked me to come to him so I did that, and when I came there he was really sweet and I still didn’t tell him.. and I told him really late and did really hurt him.. I don’t know why I did al that, I was just really panicking al the time I guess. And I really didn’t want to lose him. And it happened a few days ago and I still feel so bad about hurting him so much! If you just had seen him.. And now I don’t really know what to do. Right after all that that he said everything’s gonna be all right but he has taken a distance, which I understand, and now I just don’t know what is going to happen between us. But what hurt the most is that I hurt him. I don’t think I’ve written down everything and I probably didn’t write everything in the way it happend, and I cant really explain and express how it felt and feel and was and is.. it was just like huge! Please pray for us..

A confused JaMe with a hurt boyfriend.

His name is ErMi

09-09-2011 om 22:09 geschreven door JaMe