Hi Bill,

It was nice of you to worry about me, but really, you shouldn’t have. I’m fine. You know I’m fine. You must’ve known all along that I’d be fine in the end. I always am. Get back up and on my feet again. Ok, Bill, maybe I cried a little, maybe I died a little … So now I can love you less and less. In our case, that’s good news Bill, isn’t it?

But if you just want to kiss me Bill, that’s ok. We’ll just have good times and sometimes kiss. I’ll sip your fine whisky and we’ll compliment each other on how good-looking we both are. If you want, we’ll watch a sunset from a top roof over some foreign city. The sunsets seem to be real famous over there. I’ve read about it, Bill.

Do you have a plan, Bill? Have you checked and double-checked everything? Locked your feelings in some basement? Your eyes are so bright, like they know no sorrow… But did you have to? Did you have to? Did you have to let it linger? You know I’m such a fool for love.

It’s ok Bill, really. Just had a bad couple of days. Drank a lot and smoked a lot. Ate just a little. Didn’t sleep that much. It’s such a cliché Bill, don’t you see that? God, I hate clichés. Let alone be part of one.

Bye Bill,

Uma!

Hi Bill,

What should I do with this day, Bill? A man is standing on top of a mountain and is asking himself: should I jump? In the end he doesn’t. Maybe I should eat something. My body is craving. Nothing but coffee and cigarettes these days. And alcohol. Nothing a good drink can’t fix, I suppose.

I am so tired of these useless things that I do. But I do like the hunger. To know that I am stronger than my hunger. I like these drugs that keep me thin. I don’t have to use a knife again, or scissors or that razor blade to feel myself anymore. You know like in: you bleed just to feel you’re alive. But I am past all that now. I mean, I don’t even use all those secret places anymore. You know, the ones no-one ever sees, except if they’re your lover.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I hope tomorrow never comes. And if it does, I want the sun to shine and the birds to sing. I want the air hot and full of promises, like summer. I want to drive my car, far away from here. An endless road, I need to find. You held me today. For the very fucking first time, you held me. And you held me close. Is this what it takes, Bill? For me to be close to you, I need to be far away? I need to distance you, push you away and feel bad about it?

If there’s one thing to remember, Bill, remember this: I do not look back, ever. You know I walk a rocky path on the loom of the land. I walk it once, and never back again.

Bye Bill,

Uma