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Caught between two worlds
The first world is the world of my past.
The second world is the world of my future.
I can not change my first world, except by forgetting about the mistakes I made, and altering my memories.
But then I would have learned nothing. And I would make all my mistakes again.
And I need my experiences of my past, to know about my future decisions.
My second world is depending on my decisions. and altho I made mistakes to learn from, that still is no garantuee for my making always the right decisions. For in the future there are always new situations. The is always a crossroad ahead of me.
I am looking for dfoing the right thing. Trying to make the best choices.
But I am afraid.
There are always pro's and con's to every choice. No choice is obvious and clear.
Sometimes i long for the times I never knew. Where bad is bad, and good is good.
I am wandering through the grey realm in my mind. Not knowing to go left or right.
Who is a fool and who is wise ?
The fool, never learns, and might be haunted by his past.
The wise man is probably just lucky, for he made the right choice at the right moment in time.
That makes me more of a fool then a wise man.
Will I ever do the right thing ?
Will I ever gamble right ?
Do I dare to take that chance ?
Do I dare to take that risc ?
All I can hold on to. is the fact I never want to harm anyone.
I don't wont to hurt anyone. I don't want to cause any pain or greeve.
Maybe my choices depended to much on the happyness of others.
Maybe I am to modest, to simple of mind and heart.
I am a believer of romance, virtue.
I am the gentleman. I am the knight.
But all of this is not of this time.
And it is hard for me to adapt.
This world that is all about money.
All about things. And not about emotions and feelings.
It is hard for me to adjust to this materialistic world.
Maybe that is why I make bad choices.
For my heart live in a world of magical romance.
For my sould believe in justice and not in money.
Maybe I am a dreamer.
Maybe I want to be that way and stay that way.
Maybe I never setlle in the world of war and pain.
02-12-2014, 21:58 geschreven door Jan Palmen 
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