Okay, today I decided to go on a diet... Again. I hope it will last longer than 1 day this time, because that the longest I've reached by now I think. Although I'm really motivated to lose weight, I don't have the power to leave all the cookies and candies behind. It's frustrating.
It's been a while since I've been here now. My week has been quite busy and I didn't really had the time to write something. Lately, I've been thinking about going to a psychologist to talk about my problems, but that would be a silent hour. I never talk about my problems and you are probably the person that knows the most about me, and you don't even know that much about me. I told you before that I'm not a pretty girl. And that didn't change. I doubt it wil ever change. Seriously, every person in this world may come to me and tell me I'm beautiful, no matter how much I want to believe it, I'll never will. It's me, it's in my brain. Give me the perfect body and the prettiest face, I'd still feel ugly. That's me. I can't help it.
Tonight's the night ! The person I wanted to go with cancelled. Altough I'm used to people cancelling the plans we had, it still sucks. But I found some other friends to go with, so I'm still pretty excited about it. So bye internet, hello music !
Because I'm in my last year of high school, we have a thing called Chrysostomos. Tomorrow we're going to the city to celebrate the fact that we only have a 100 days school to go. That will be no fun at all, I'm pretty sure. Because yeah, it's with my class... So today I went to the store with one of my best friends to buy wodka. We're going out on friday night, incredibly drunk, to forget all our problems Friday night will be a good night. Cheers !
People that have a high self-esteem will never understand how people with a low self-esteem feel. They are just like 'just do it, nobody cares', but I am the one who cares. I am the one who has to do shit that's easy for them, but damn hard for me. I don't like speaking in front of the class, I never proclaim my opinion and no, I won't tell you anything about my past. So don't try to push me, but at the same time, Don't let me down. Again.
Today, we went to a museum with our class and it wasn't that much fun. I have my 'buddy' in class, but she always left me behind. So I was constantly walking alone, looking for answers we had to fill in. Have you ever wondered: "If I disappeared right now, would somebody notice?" That's exactly the feeling I had today. Actually; it's the feeling I have almost everyday.
As I told you before, the boy I'm in love with has a girlfriend since yesterday. I asked him who she was (that's normal I think) and he didn't want to say her name. How am I supposed to feel about that? I have a sort of suspicion about which girl it could be, but I don't want to ask it and she's a slut. And no matter how much I hate sluts, I wouldn't tell him, because he's happy. And in the end, that's all I want him to be.
So there's this boy I'm totally in love with, but I'm pretty sure he'll never love me back. That sucks. Now I just found out, he's not going out anymore to the places I go to, so I'll probably never see him again. That sucks. Oh and he has a girlfriend now. That sucks. I will die alone. That sucks too.
I already decided that writing this blog is one of the best things I've ever did. I've had some nice reactions and guess what, i liked it ! It always feels nice to know you're not alone, so if you're feeling alone, desperate, suicidal... just know; you're not alone.
Btw; I'm not English, but I'd like to speak English here, just to make sure people who know me and read this, wouldn't recognize me.
This is pretty much my life. I hate most people alive and there's not a single thing I can do about that. So I spend most of the time screaming along with Bring Me The Horizon. I'm into punkrock, but I'm not a 'fangirl', so don't expect the typical fangirl-posts.
Because I'm in my last year of high school, we have a thing called Chrysostomos. 
I already decided that writing this blog is one of the best things I've ever did. 
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