I know, very early or late to post a blog but couldn't sleep so...
A couple of days ago I had a sort of revelation, but before I tell you what it is, let me tell you something about me and my life!
My parents got divorced when I was 3 and frankly I don't really remember too much of my childhood!
But what I do remember is that my dad wasn't really around and my mom did everything she could to give us everything we wanted.
And with 3 young children, you can understand how hard that can be! She worked long hours, at points even 2 jobs etc.
But no matter what, she was always their for us! My mom is an amazing woman and I still don't understand how she did it all!
Now, we all lived with are mom and we all grew up knowing she was struggling and knowing that our dad was more than capable of helping her but just wouldn't! I can't tell you why that is! It could be pride, jealousy or just plane stupidity but I guess he just wasn't cut out to be a father!
I learned that holding a grudge isn't going to solve anything so I'm not gonna tell you that I hate my father or have daddy issues, because the fact is I just don't know him!
Anyway, about 5 years ago my sister, after many teenage drama fights with my mom, decided to go live with our father and broke off all connections to us as her family!
It took me a long time to understand why and how she could do this to my mother! The person who raised her, who sacrificed everything so she could have what other kids had and loved her unconditionally!
I figured it was for the money, but see here is where my revelation comes in: I do still believe that she did it for the money but I believe she did it because it was the easy way out.
See, getting my dads money meant that she didn't have to work to pay for her college education like I have to! It meant that she could have anything she wanted with the snap of her fingers! Of course she had to clean up her act but she got what she had always wanted but could never get when living with my mom! She got to live the easy life on the fab lane!
What I'm trying to say is that I now get why she did what she did or at least I think I do! I guess she just wasn't as strong as me and my brother! She isn't strong enough to work hard to get what she wants, so she went with the easy way!
And why she doesn't want to talk to the rest of her family anymore? I guess she doesn't want to be reminded of the fact that we are stronger, she doesn't want to see our faces and feel the shame and guilt that comes with what she did, but mostly I think she doesn't want to see that even without the money we still managed to be happy and get what we want in life!
And I do feel sorry for her! I wish she would just try to be stronger!
In the end, I'm not saying that I will ever forgive or forget the things she said or what she made my mom go through.
But if she ever decided to come back, I wouldn't stop her! Not because she is my sister, since she said it herself I wasn't that to her anymore, but because it would make my mom happy! And after everything she has done for me, that is the least I can do for her!
So the moral of the story here is to not judge the actions of other people, before you learn their reasons!
Many of us make mistakes and half of the time we learn from them, but for the other half...we wish to forget them, to never admit that we even made the mistake!
And we can't tell other people what mistakes to (not) make, but we can tell them our mistakes, our lessons and our point of view!
It's not about judging but about understanding and maybe even helping!
I'm not a saint and like I said: although I think I understand why she did what she did, doesn't mean I'm going to forgive and forget, but I'm also not going to hate her for it because life is already sort enough!
So don't waist time hating, but fill life with positive things!
