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karen en lot
ons leven
14-05-2009
find somebody to blame
my life is at the point where I'm pretty much sure that it can't get any worse. I always was a happy person . Because that's the thing with people, we ALWAYS want to blame something, or even more, someone.
sometimes I have these crappy days, you know what I'm saying? you stumble, you fall, you get up again, you stmuble, you fall, you get up again....
on such days I can't accept that somebody else could be happy, or mad, or natural. accually, you would be pretty suprised if you saw me, in my Overacting-days . wich are about.... 50procent of my days? but, to the subject of this week ...: I blame each person I see on that day, for not hugging me, or for hugging me. thay can't do anything right, neather can I. because,apparently, I'm not the only one with this... let's all it a 'condition' . today was one of my good-days, but, it was like the whole school was having a bad-day. and believe me,they are the majority. so I hade no chance at all, to survive , without getting hurt. or killed.... no, just kidding, I 'only' got hurt, today, and, it was because I realised, that I'm not the centre of the attention, and that that wasn't a big deal. in fact, I wasn't a big deal. an why would I be. ?
today I got blamed for over a million times, how selfish, evil, bad, poor, naughty I was. WAS. I got blamed for everyone's problems. And i wish I could say 'I just don't care....' but I do. why is eveybody so damn unhappy, I hate it. It ruined my day. my happy day so I start wondering, wondering why? and because I ran out of fantasy, and theories, (I see you thinking: thank god, finaly. but you got it wrong there :p) I start asking, 'why are you so sad/unhappy?' and you know what. I was right!
people aren't as bad as we think they are. they're worse.
so, I found out that "M. is a slut, that steals boyfriends, and that I should check out B.'s purse, because she stole something from a cheap store called 'hema' and you know what? S lied to me about not having a boyfriend " I accually said : ow god, why is our life so miserable, I wish I was dying out in the streets, so I could be more happy. (in a sarcastic, mean, irritated way ) because, what the hell is they're problem? they (we) have money, boyfriends, education, shoppingmalls, what else do we really need?
we need someone to blame. for our mistakes, and we wisper ourselves silly little lies, and stupid tails with funny details , and the worst part is : we believe them, we believe that we aren't as wrong as they are. but accually. we're worse.
we want strangers to think we're happy, with our toothpaste-smile, we tell them we're fine. we want our parents to think they did well, raising ous. we tell them we're great. we want the neighbors to be jealous about our life. we tell them we're fantastic. we want our friends to take care of ous in bad times. we tell them we're miserable. we want our enemies to think we survived the day without getting hurt.
we tell them. ... what do you tell them? tell a lie, tell a stupid story with funny details? tell them nothing and run away? tell them 'great, but now a little less great because you're here?' I tell them : I'm okay.
because I stopped blaming them, for making my life not okay.
I've stumbled and fall, but even with grazes I have to move on, even with scars I don't forget to breath. Because, sometimes you found this that heal the grazes. Scars can't heal, but you need to like them, they are a part of you. They make you who you are. I don't speak about grazes and scars outside. I talk about things that are worse. The wounds inside. They give you more tears that those outside. Those tears are sincere. This are things that you really make cry. But don't forget to move on, and search the things that can heal those wounds. That's what life is about, after each setback, you need to climb back out and continue. Maybe you have another setback or maybe you find your happily ever after. But you can never give up or you are a prey of fear, grief and uncertainty.
Come on, you must admit that you almost had to cry at the end? I did. Twice. maybe because I'm becoming one of those softies, you know them, they are the 'weepies' who cry in the cinema at the 'happely ever after' :) well, maybe I'm becoming one of those, or maybe I'm just in love.for the first time. Really in love. I'm sorry for my ex-boyfriends. I think you can't say you're in love . You can't just say you're in love for the very first timpe (I know, I just sayd it myself , well, I just suck.) but, maybe in ten years I'll be laughing with my 'little' feelings . But for now, this is the nicest ting I've ever had. And this song is all about it.
Ofcourse you know about Romeo and Juliet, there forbidden love is an exemple for all of ous. but this song is about much more, it's a fairy-tale. And everybody knows that each little girl wants to be a princess of her own country . maybe I'm still a little girl, because I want that dress .
It is the magic in fairy-tales that makes life miserable. Driving a car is nothing compared to flying with a unicorn. The same in love, the sleeping beauty (Doornroosje) . I just love that story, but, we want our boy to take ous somewhere we can be alone we want the secrets, because they are exciting , we need them to keep the romance up-to-date to keep the adventure in side. So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew and then ofcourse, well, you know me, the escape part wich I love, because it is so real, you have the moment, and at that moment, you just want to pick the people you love (in this case, the person you love) with you, and escape from reality. Escape . Go to your own castle with your own prince, and forget about the rest. Selfish . again. J .
When I heard See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns See you make your way through the crowd And say hello I thought about a ballroom, where theres this thing cold magic in the air. Everybody is dancing, with dresses and champagne, and music. An dthan theres this guy, youre seeing him, thinking hes looking to another girl, and he comes to you and says hello (wich is wath most people say at the beginning of a conversation, so, that means, you have a little chat) afterwards, you dance all evening, and then you have to go. Or am I just telling Cinderella here? Well, maybe, maybe not, we will never know. But one thing is sure: I love proms, and this songs definitely is about a prom. And a prince.
I wanna be a princess. I already told you. But, this time in another way, I dont really care about the castle, its the prince that counts, someone who adores you. Who helps you cooking. we all search someone to grow old with.
Why? Well, no one wants to die alone , do they?
We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standing there On a balcony in summer air See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns See you make your way through the crowd And say hello Little did I know
That you were Romeo You were throwing pebbles And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet," And I was crying on the staircase Begging you, "Please don't go" And I said
Romeo, take me Somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting All there's left to do is run You'll be the prince And I'll be the princess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet," But you were everything to me I was begging you, "Please don't go," And I said
Romeo, take me Somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting All there's left to do is run You'll be the prince And I'll be the princess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
Romeo, save me They're trying to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid We'll make it out of this mess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you is fading When I met you on the outskirts of town And I said
Romeo, save me I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you But you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said
Marry me, Juliet You'll never have to be alone I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad You'll pick out a white dress It's a love story Baby, just say yes
You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done
I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here
Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbyes I nearly do
snow patrol -run quotes, this is a part of the song,
Dearest, hearing this song, I must think about you. light up. It's about supporting each other, and that's what we do in our friendship. Actually , that's what our friendship is all about. every friendship is about 'supporting each other, no matter wath' but, in your life, you wont find more than 5 people who mean that much to you, that you will support them , no matter wath. (I'm not talking about boyfriends or family here , just so we're clear) and, I found you. I'm not letting you go. never. you're my dearest . And you know, that you can support on me, because, at 3 a.m. I'll still listen to your stories about your life . because I never get tired about you. I'll give you advise. I don't know if you ever use it. I don't know if it is useful. I only know that I love helping you. Because I know that you'll do the same for me, when I'm lonely. When I tell everybody I'm fine, (wich sometimes is a lie ) I know I can tell you. I can trust you. And I promise you can trust me. With this 'letter' I'm telling you that you mean the world to mean, if there would be a fire in your house, I would be the 'hero' (waw, me being a hero ) that would save you. With the risc I would die. Because, When some one means the world to you. you don't mind helping them. you don't mind anything at all for them. I would even bring you my coockies, my chocolate ! but about the song, when they say 'I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here'I think about the distance between ous. it was a coincidence that we became friends. best friends. and , you should light up, in the bad times, because you know, I wont be right behind you, I would be beside you.You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done (our fiendship)I will always be beside you. fighting together. When I miss you, I think about'To think I might not see those eyes, Makes it so hard not to cry' because, we almost never see each other. and , indeed,I almost cry when you're gone, saying goodbye on the phone is taking hours with ous. 'And as we say our long goodbyes I nearly do'Because I'll never knwo when I'll know when I'll see/hear you again . I hope it's soon. I really hope so. Light up. Run. run away together. it's tempting, but we have lives here. we , lot and karen, will make it just fine. TOgether. run.
If you like it or not. Theyll find you. You bump your head , or it starts raining the moment you go out in summer clothes. The bus is late and it is snowing so youre angry and you bump your head another time. You have a bad-hairday on the day you have an important date with your boyfriend, you know what I mean. But then , suddently , sun arrives. Or, he tells you youre beautiful, or the bus arrives at the moment you were going to leave.And, your head stops hurting.
Good things happen all the time.
My opinion is that you have a choice. You must create your own luck. Do it with karma, do it with work , do it with a black cat, I dont care. But dont just sit in a corner crying over how bad your life is . Because the choice is yours : or you work on your own luck, and make other people happy with your smile. Or you blame someone else for bringing bad luck to you. Because sometimes people bring bad luck, they yell they scream bed things about you. They gossip. But you cant let them win. Because youre a winner!
Now, all the things I wrote above are about little things. There are some cases when you really have bad luck, and you cant do a damn thing about it. Like : youre moving out of town, or your parents fight, because, like it or not, they mean the world to you. When you were a baby, who gave you food? Who said they still loved you when you broke a very expensive vase? Yes, my point being : your parents.
If something goes wrong, and you cant help it, (you cant fight dead, parent-problems, high-school-fights)then my only advise is : let it go.I know, you must think Im crazy, but its true. Just let go.think about how pretty it was when it was before it went wrong. Look at the bright side. Even if there is nogood thing about it. Try to think about the good things in your life. Thats the 1st step in the right direction.
Go some place where no one will find you: lock in your room, go out for a long walk , train your body (believe me, it helps, sports are wonderful) have a nice shower, or bath. Just be on your own for a while. Have space to think. Clear your head. Because thats the 2nd step in the right direction.
Well, after that, you can talk to the people who will support you, because life is a tough fight, and no one diserves to fight on their own. But be patient with the people you love, their empathie has its limits, sometimes they just cant understand how you feel, so tell them . Tell them. About all the things who are so difficult to be told. And thats the third step.
after these 3 steps, youre ready. Ready for what? You must think. Ready to talk about something else than the lost in your hart. You may have fun. No one will stop you.
If youre not ready, if you still feel bad. Thats normal; everything takes its time.
Listen to these songs, they got me trough my bad times. They still do.
dit is ons lied, ons babytje. Elke keer dat ik het hoor, moet ik bijna wenen. De schoonheid vertedert mij, net als onze vriendschap.
this is our song, our baby. every time I hear it, I must control myself not to cry. the beauty mollifies me, as in our friendship.
you and me--->lifehouse
what day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive I can't keep up and I can't back down I've been losing so much time
cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right I'm tripping inwards you got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here
cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to prove and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
there's something about you now I can't quite figure out everything she does is beautiful everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to prove and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
what day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive
Welke dag is het En in welke maand Deze klok leek nog nooit zo levend Ik kan het niet bijhouden En ik kan ook niet opgeven Ik heb al zoveel tijd verloren
Want het is jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Al de dingen ie ik wil zeggen Komen er gewoon niet uit Ik trip helemaal van binnen Jij laat mijn hoofd draaien Ik weet niet hoe ik verder moet gaan vanaf hier
Want het is jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Er is iets speciaal aan jou Ik kan er maar niet achter komen Alles wat ze doet is prachtig Alles wat ze doet is goed
jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te bewijzen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Welke dag is het en in welke maand Deze klok leek nog nooit zo levend
it's a song about Jealousy,personally, I must admit that I'm a bit Jealous myself. I mean, I don't like my boyfriend talking to other girls. you know, that one girl, the competition, and most of the time the other girl (who constantly flirts with your hottie) is a 'fake-pink-perf-hair-bitch' she's fake. she likes pink and all the girly-stuff. Ofcourse she has hair but her hair is always perfect. so she never has bad-hairdays. and ofcourse : she's a bitch, why else would she be flirting with your love? so, now that you know that I'm jealouse, you must admit you're jealouse to? when you think 'uhu, NO!' think again, because, when I would be flirting with whoever you're dating, you would hate me. why? not because we want to pretect our dear loved ones. no, because because you're selfish, I'm selfish , to tell the truth, everyone is a little selfish, we want love, we don't want people to have the pretty things we want. so. why is everybody so jealous?
well, first : they're selfish, second : jealousie is a normal reaction of each human being, we just don't want iur hottie to run away with a 'fake-pink-perf-hair-bitch' you know what I mean?
third: we have a low self-esteem (ene laag zelfbeeld) and, we secretly think our partner would be better off with the bitchy type, who you must admit is a little pretty.
fourth: I want to have what I never got, (like : a doll, it's stupid, you might think, but, really, a lot of people suffer because of that type of jealousy!)
fifth:jealousy from fear of losing something you really love
so here i gave you 6 very good reasons to be jealous. so why wouldn't you? well, because, most of the cases, jealousy is about somebody you truelly love. yes? well, the definition of 'love' (according to a site about love) is:
love is generous and wants the best for the partner
so, when he/she wants to go out, with his/her best friend, let them go, they'll come back . and, aren't relationships build on trust? I know, you'll think I'm crazy, but, after doing some research about jealousy, I promised myself to try to make an effort, not to be jealous anymore . will you?
jealousy caused suspicion and mistrust in a lot of relationships.
It's an intresting subject to wright about. lies. everybody lies. some people lie, without meaning to hurt you, parents lie to their children, when they tell them about hollidays, (you know what I mean) children lie to their parents, when they tell them who did something bad, teachers. lie. grannies. lie. neybours. lie. police officers. lie. men and women . young and old. every one. but why? is it that bad with our society, that everybody has to lie about it? about how beautiful life is? I mean, we know life can be a little crappy, so why don't we just tell each other? why? to pretect? to defend? to attac? because, when you defend yourself, or you tell somebody a lie to pretect them (like, when you cheat on your partner) well, when you do that, you must know that while you're pretecting some one, you're hurting another person! and most of the time it's the same person you're hurting/pretecting! because, even if you just tell a little lie. you must go on.
If you invent a pet, that you don't have, and a friend is coming home, what are you going to do? you're telling them that the pet is ill. thet's a second lie. and, then, you make up a great storie about the vet, and your cat, and a lot of details, (wich is dangerous, because you need to remember that your cat's name is Gerrie )so, let's call him Gerrie, why is he ill? he doesn't eat well. 4th lie. so, in stead of just telling the person you would like a pet, called Gerrie, you invent him. that's lying. and believe me. There is no such thing as Gerrie these reasons are crappy, but, we lie all the time.
so, even if we only have a crapy reason, we think it's enough.
we want to be intresting. we want new friends, so we make up great stories, and tell them we 'also play hockey' (when we actually don't know what it is) we tell them our favorite food is 'pizza hawaï' , when we don't like pineapple, so, that they think, we are fantastic. but after a couple 'friend dates' (when you meet them a couple times) they find out, that you didn't eat you're pizza hawaï , and thatyou didn't knew what your favorite hockeyplayer was. they think it's strange. sometimes they are a little angry about it,
isn't friendship about helping each other? about supporting your friend , no matter what? so instead of lying, just tell them honestly that you hate pineapple, and that you would love to see them play hockey, (only, when that's not a lie )tell them about your hobbies, about photography, tey'll appricate it. and if you tell the truth, and only the truth, it's easier to believe that you're friend really tells you what's true. because, even if he hates photography, and you like it, that doens't mean you can't be friends. and it definitly doesn't mean you or he should lie about it.
so about lying. well, maybe it's our drug. we need it. to make us feel better. so we should stop , while we can.
The clock goes on, everything goes on. But in my head , there's a movie playing. but it stops at the last scene. The last scene only consists of a smokescreen, nothing is clear. We can only wait, wait until the smoke disappears. The clock keeps ticking. It's annoying. Nail biting, don't give the hope up. Because if the hope disappears, there's nothing left. Whatever the clear view may say, after the smoke is gone, you cannot give up. please, never give up.
lot...
smokescreen. I'm waiting. seconds. minutes and hours. days and weeks . months and years. I'm still here. nothing has changed. I'm sick of waiting. I'm dreaming, dreams are swimming in my head. but, they aren't dreams , are they? and while i'm living, my standard life, I'm confused. There is a smokescreen right in front of me. Nothing is clear, people are not the way they are supposed to be. the way I wanted them to be. and in my smokey dreams , people are laughing, they're happy. and I can see smiles. Why? I don't want to see clear. I'm not ready to face reality. not yet. Because I don't want to go out there. not alone. And maybe all the silly excuses I make in my head, are the ones that keep me awake at night? They give my reason , why i shouldn't escape. Maybe it's fine this way. But how can I know? I haven't met any other way...
Let's go out. You and me. Away. Out in the dark. adventure. Let's discover truth. without people telling us smokey lies. Away from the smoke. Let's fly away. forget yesterday. Just get away. Take me home. Love me. Feed me. Give me new hope. Give me new dreams. Fight with me. Let's fight our smokescreen.
.
. today was one of my good-days, but, it was like the whole school was having a bad-day. and believe me,they are the majority.
so I start wondering, wondering why? and because I ran out of fantasy, and theories, (I see you thinking: thank god, finaly. but you got it wrong there :p) I start asking, 'why are you so sad/unhappy?' and you know what.
" 
I think you can't say you're in love . You can't just say you're in love for the very first timpe (I know, I just sayd it myself , well, I just suck.) but, maybe in ten years I'll be laughing with my 'little' feelings . But for now, this is the nicest ting I've ever had. And this song is all about it. 
) that would save you. With the risc I would die. Because, When some one means the world to you. you don't mind helping them. you don't mind anything at all for them. I would even bring you my coockies, my chocolate ! but about the song, when they say 'I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here'I think about the distance between ous. it was a coincidence that we became friends. best friends. and , you should light up, in the bad times, because you know, I wont be right behind you, I would be beside you.You've been the only thing that's right
these reasons are crappy, but, we lie all the time. 
