My phone rang at 2 a.m. I answered. It was Mia, Paul’s sister. ‘’Mia, what’s going on. What is so important that you have to call me at…’’ ‘It’s Paul, Susan’’, she said quietly. She sounded exhausted and in a way vulnerable. She continued ‘The drugs, he has taken an overdose…’’  Silence. I didn’t know what to say or even think. I was utterly numb. After hanging up, I put my clothes on very quickly, jumped in the car and hurried to the hospital. When I arrived, there were some people sitting in the waiting room, including his parents, Mia and his friends. They all stared at me with big, frightening eyes. ‘’Can I see him?’’ I said softly. My throat was sore. ‘’He’s in there’’, Mia squeaked, pointing at the door. ‘‘He’s waiting for you.’’ I entered. As soon as I saw him there, lying down with all those tubules and vials, I felt like a knife stabbed me right through the heart. I slowly approached, kneeled down and took his pale, almost lifeless hand in mine, lightly squeezing it. ‘’It’s alright to die’’, I whispered. ‘’It would be a torture, but not an unbearable one. I’ve been through this once. I could lose you a second time.’’ I was shocked. What did I say? Did I really mean it? Then I understood: it just couldn’t break my heart because it was already broken. I thought about Paul who couldn’t resist the temptation of being free. I thought about his parents, who’d caused this contrary effect, although they didn’t mean it that way. And then, in a sudden, Paul’s eyes went open. A weak smile appeared on his pale face, as he said: ‘’I envy you, Susan. I envy you strong personality, your capacity to keep going. You’ll find a good man. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that man for you.’’ I bit my lip, trying not to cry. I noticed how his grip weakened and his hands began to feel cold. ‘’I forgive you’’, I said, while closing his eyelids. And after a very last kiss on his forehead, I left him. Forever.

-Susan-