And still I cant let you be Most nights I hardly sleep Don't take what you don't need from me It's just a drop in the ocean A change in the weather I was praying that you and me might end up together It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore...
You lie day in day out, why can't you just say it out loud? I know what you're thinking anyways...
Father into your hands, I commit my spirit, father into your hands, why have you forsaken me? Trust in my, self-righteous suicide, I cry, when angels deserve to die...
Out of my life, Out of my mind Out of the tears that we cant deny We need to swallow all our pride And leave this mess behind Out of my head, Out of my bed Out of the dreams we had, theyre bad Tell them its me who made you sad Tell them the fairytale gone bad Another night and I bleed They all make mistakes and so did we But we did something we can never turn back right Find a new one to fool Leave and dont look back. I wont follow We have nothing left. Its the end of our time
Ohana, means family, means no one gets left behind, or forgotten... You forgot. Me. I could always come home, you said, You lied. I can never go home again. You're alive. Happy. Forgotten all about me, what we've shared. Can't see what I'm going through for you. To keep MY family safe. I can't emphasise enough that I'm still waiting. Waiting for it all to turn around. It wouldn't last, they said. First relationships never last. And yet. It does. Far faster than I could've imagined. You're on your way to marriage, children, maybe even planned it all. And still no sign of you. No words to tell me to buzz off. Not even that. I'm entering hell, all over again. Biking, swimming... I hate it. Can't say that it hurts, doctor's orders not to bike, fucking stomach when I swim... Because then I'm full of shit. At least that's what I keep hearing. Because
I can't do it, I make excuses? I don't, it's true, and just because it
bothers you, and you say I can't talk about it, and I've got to stop
being a whoos, won't make it go away. I suffer. Every day you make me suffer. It hurts so bad. Physically, mentally, I'm tired. So darned tired. Can't even breath without feeling agitated. Every moment that I'm awake. Can't even find peace at work. I used to be able to work it off. Not think about it when I'm at my desk. That time is gone. Long time gone. I feel it when talking to others, I feel it when making a phonecall, every fucking second of every single day. I feel like screaming, and I can't, I feel like running, and I'm stuck. I really really need to go. I can't do this anymore. I'm supposed to be gratefull because you try to help me. And you don't everything you do hurts me even more, how can you be so stupid? And
nevertheless, I do what I'm supposed to, whenever you feel like you've
done something for me, I thank you on hands and knees. Even though it
didn't help at all. It's my fault, I know, being too difficult. I hate beeing alive. Every second takes so much energy out of me. I want to sleep, and never wake up. I don't want an afterlife, I don't want things to go better, I'm too tired, I just want to go. Unconscious, for the rest of my existence. Gone. I'm forgotten anyways. I'm nothing, to no one, and forgotten to you. Father, Why have you forsaken me?
Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman. From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed. I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it. Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and... When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes Whoa, everything goes according to plan. I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it. Because you say so under your breath. You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?" Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? Never looked better, and you can't stand it.
You
can't find out. You really, really can't. That would blow destroy
every bit of sanity that there's left. It can never happen. The game
would vanish, the players left to die. It would speed things up, that
it would, but not for the best. It would kill me. And give you
clearance for ever. That can never happen. Over my dead body it will. I wouldn't be able to fix that. Oh, me and my big mouth ! I
should've been quiet from the start. Given everyone the lie.
Expanding the game throughout my life. Why am I so stubborn? Why can't
I just go ahead wihtout caring what they'd think of me? If they think
this is what I want... I tried. I did. Why didn't I persist? Why did I
give up? If I told them I hated my life and I wanted this one... But
noo, not me, fucking trying to make it seem as if I'm a victim. God
dammit woman, bear your burdens alone. That's what they're here for.
Because you've got to bear them, stop trying to warn others, that you're
not like that, that it's just... Not explicable. Blegh. I guess I'm
the weakest link after all... Now, clear your life, of all lies, clear your head and go along with it. No one has to know. You're nothing anyways. Goodbye old self, you'll be withering tonight. Yet another piece of soul sold. I'm ready. I'm ready for eternal darkness.
