Where as trusting another does not hold the trust it is for me just being absolutely fearless and bold. It is like throwing yourself on fire..naked! For me being the most courages thing to do.

When we love someone else do we stop loving yourselves or is it just that we love the other person above ourselves? Is that why we trust and throuw ourselves on this sharp edge not knowing when we're going to fall? Or are we just looking for happyness so boldly that we don't care to know about all the risks and dangers that the other person could cost us, if we give them everything and make them happy, and jump right at it whenever we think we see it...

Can you actually trust the other or is it just set-up thought that does not acctualy exist but is said to be very important in a relationship. I think it is important where as we always want to be loved and cared for cencierly, but why always does it has to be about someone else. What he/she does or does not do, where he/she goes, how he/she acts... effect our mental state immediatly. Which is ment to be stabel and unchanged nomatter what happens. So that so called love..can easily change into hate, depression. Or is it still there but just ruled by those second-hand emotions that overpower us where the one we've trused is not action the way we think/hoped he/she would?

Trust..is freaky! It's there and then it's gone..and then it's there again. Or is it? Maybe we just want it to be there so we can act like the love we have for this other person isn't mixed with hate or disappointment. So which then should mean that if it is mixed it's no longer pure and innocent like when we fall in love and everything is so pink and pretty.

Sometimes I , personaly, don't  want to see the truth, because the illusion is way to great. And it makes you feel good and big, because you think you love, inconditionally and forever. Which is good, but for my personal experience has never happened. You know what they say: everything that has a beginning had an end. So speaking of something we experience in our lifetime, which is already not eternal, like it's something that could last forever...I have a problem with that, even thought the idea of it makes you feel godlike: something you make as a mortal can have an immortal life. Pretty deep hah! yeah  I like it...

Eventhought it has so many disappointments I still think it's worth it: jumping on the fire = trusting somebody with no limits even thought knowing it is not forever and knowing that everything, including people and their intentions, change!. This fire can get you so warm you might melt, and that's the most nice feeling of all. But then it can burn you down, for you to know how close you want to get.

Some of us never get close enough fearing the risk of getting put to ashes..Others have no fear or just don't know so they come to dust and never live again the same way. And the last sort, are getting reborn of their own ashes, like phoenix's do! Young and higher in rang, they continue as full of courage as they were before (of not more) live their life and try to get the best out of it.

Now personally, I hope am this last sort of people, although it doesn't sound too good to die by burning to ashes through the fire of your own loved ones, I know it's worth it..Because I can feel the rebirth already which gives me hope, hope from myself that come from within THE most important and real kind of all...

12-05-2008, 10:10 Geschreven door Nyana