Today i'm writting my first message on this blog, i will like to use this first post to introduce myself.

I would like to keep my name anonymous so i give myself the name ''SecretBlogger''. 

I live in the netherlands, but somehow like writting in english, i, am 17 years young.

With reading this blog i hope i can take you with me on my emotional rollorcoaster.

He gave me my first kiss and was the first one i had slept with.

One day he send me a text and say in it that or relationship was over, my whole world collapsed.

I never knew a reason why, the only thing i did know that he left me for an other girl.

Just felt like crying for so long, even when i thought about it a year later it still broke me.

I still dont know the reason why it has hurts me that much, i was strong before that. 

They say ´´what doesnt kill you makes you stronger´´ To bad that doesnt count for me these days.

These days i still felt realy sad when i think about him leaving me for another.

A year or almost two years later i felt ready to try learning to love again.

I fell kinda in love with an other guy, to bad i always knew i would never love him that much as i loved my first.

It doesn´t work out for us, he did almost everyting right and never let me down.

Sometings he would broke a promise about still using drugs.

I could get so anger over it, but he only breaks promises.. He hasn´t broke my heart or anything.

But sometimes he realy was my hero, to bad we had both so many problems these days.

I broke his heart when i was finding out he was lying to me again about using drugs.

We last for almost two years..

The days i live in now are still very confusing.

I am now back with my first love, i dont even know how it happend.

Somedays he make me feels as the happiest girl in the world, and the next day he make me feel like air, as i dont even exist.

I know he could ignore me for days if he wants to. 

It makes me ask myself why i love him?

He could give me an explanation for leaving me years ago, still the reason only wont let me heal it.

It's breaking me even more that he says it was my fault that he has left.

He thought i used him, because i had so many troubles these days he felt that way...

I know even how much he hurts me or used me i would never leave.

I gues that is the power of love. 

Love is giving a person a abuality to break you, but trusting them not to.