God what a stupid, brainless, weak creature am I? For months now I've been reminding myself of your cruelty and your utter lack of respect for me. And still, deep inside, I've always know I wanted you back. Well not anymore, not after the way you treated me this time. Talking to you on msn was fun, it felt right somehow. And cunning as you are you led me to believe you regretted breaking up with me. You actually made me believe you missed me and you wanted me back. So we agreed to go out together, I should've known you weren't serious when you couldn't make it that day. But I was foolish enough to believe your reason and go out with you the next day, being yesterday. God I'm stupid!!!!!!!! The night started off okay, we talked and it was almost like the silence between us had never existed. We went dancing and I had a great time, dancing with you or dancing on my own, it didn't matter. But you were tired so we left early and you would drive me home. God you do play the game well, don't you? Walking to the car, you took my hand and complained about how long it had been. And again, I thought it meant you still felt something for me. In the car we talked again, joked and teased each other and it really felt like it did back then. Guess I was the only one feeling it. But you were smart enough not to reveal what you were really thinking about, weren't you? Oh no, you just kept pretending you missed me, not my body. When you stopped the car, we talked and I told you to find yourself a girl. And what did you do? You held me close and told me you already had a girl. Well, obviously one thing led to another and we started kissing. And yes I know I turned you on and I won't denie you turned me on too, but god damn you if you honestly believed I was not emotionally involved. Because I was and I was stupid enough to believe you were too. All day today, I've been wondering, wether we would get together again or not. Told my friends about you and they all encouraged me to go for it, to give it a chance. I shouldn't have listened!!! Look where I ended up by trusting you again, all alone and heartbroken again. I wish I could tell you that I hate you, I wish I could show you each and every tear I've cried since you told me what happened yesterday was caused by lust, not by love. Believe me I never expected love from you, but just some emotional attachment, was that really too much to ask??? I guess for you it was. I know I despise you and I know I've cried a hell of a lot of tears in these last 40 minutes, but I also know I will never tell you in person. Because you helped me see, how weak, pathetic, stupid, meaningless and small I really am. Thank you for shattering my dreams, again.
